考研英語看圖作文範例點評：過勞死

看圖作文在英語作文中是大家普遍缺乏練習的一種類型，一個提高的方式就是看範例和點評，針對其中的錯誤進行自我修正。

過勞死：

寫作原文

From the picture we can see a young father died on the patient bed for the sake of(建議改爲because of，for the sake of一般用來表示“爲了”，後常接目的狀語) overwork and his wife is crying and mourning for him with extreme sadness,so it is with their child(改爲so does their child). What a shocking scene and how thought provoking the phenomenon that the picture insinuates. What the picture intends to convey is the significance of the awareness of the development of society, people commence to live in(改爲live，live in表示“居住，住在”，後常跟地點狀語) a life of a rapid rate(改爲a fast-paced life) almost have no time to do some entertainments other than (去掉)hence,they don't have enough time to get enough rest.(語義和前一句重複，可刪除)Moreover, because of the life burden(改爲burden of life),some husbands need to work hard to sustain their families. Some husbands even have more than one job and they are overwhelmed by the strains. Last but not least, some people don't place an emphasis on their health and almost ignore it in daily lives(改爲life，daily life爲固定搭配) they leave to their family members is grief. From my standpoint, it is imperative that effective measures should be taken to eliminate the phenomenon. For governments, they are supposed to make some accordingly policies to relieve the workers' pressure. For workers,they must cultivate a good awareness of health and combine exertion and rest.

總體點評

文章寫得還不錯!但是應當注意詞彙選擇的準確性及句子的精簡。以後的寫作中，還是應該加強基礎的語法知識，積累並模仿高分語言佳句，使自己的表達更地道更優美。看着你的作文一天天在進步，我們爲你感到高興，要繼續加油哦，堅持就是勝利.

參考分數(滿分20分)：12

英語寫作水平的提升需要不斷地練習，在改正錯誤中不斷取得進步，不怕犯錯誤，怕明知道犯錯誤卻不面對。看了範文和點評，希望大家有思考，有提高。