考研英語看圖作文範例點評：道德滑坡

看圖作文在英語作文中是大家普遍缺乏練習的一種類型，一個提高的方式就是看範例和點評，針對其中的錯誤進行自我修正。

道德滑坡:

寫作原文

①Looking at this thought-provoking picture(加"which was",其中which引導定語從句，修飾picture；was和後面的depicted構成被動語態) symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter stands(“stands”改爲“stand”，該句主語爲複數，主謂應保持一致)on the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant(“puzzled and indignant”是用來修飾the yong man, 或是作者“感到困惑和憤怒”，應表達清晰；若要表達作者的情感，可改爲：ring his eyes. I feel puzzled and indignant).①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome(“a great outcome”改爲“great outcomes”，和them保持一致), will they lend you a hand(“a hand”改爲“hands”，和they保持一致) in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame("be to blame for"意爲“對……應負責任；應該爲某事負責任”，如果要表述“教育體制也應對此負責”，可表達爲：the educational system is also to blame for the phenomenon；如若要表述“教育體制也應受到責備”，可表達爲the educational system should also to be blamed). ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to people's defect ("defect"爲可數名詞，此處應改爲"defects"和people保持一致)on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role ("an active role"應改爲"active roles"，前後主謂保持一致，主語爲schools and governments)in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart("a warm heart"改爲"warm hearts"，前後單複數保持一致). ④Only through our joint effort("effort"應改爲"efforts",前後單複數保持一致), could we recollect the virtues.

原作點評

第一段描述圖畫的內容。第①句，picture應該是被drawer描繪的，所以應該用被動語態“be+動詞的過去的、分詞”來表示;第②句最後，表達不夠清晰，應注意。第二段揭示圖畫的寓意，闡述產生此現象的幾個原因。應注意單複數問題。第三段結合前兩段的闡述，提出建議。

總體點評

文章亮點：文章結構完整，每個段落的功能基本得以體現。文章錯誤：①語法錯誤：文章出現了一些語法錯誤，比如被動語態、名詞單複數形式等。②句法錯誤：有的句子表達不夠清楚。比如第一段第②句，第二段第⑤句。修改意見：文章整體結構不錯，但是要注意一些細節，避免不必要的錯誤。本文中，單複數一致問題較多，希望作者在完成習作時應多檢查，儘量減少此類錯誤。

英語寫作水平的提升需要不斷地練習，在改正錯誤中不斷取得進步，不怕犯錯誤，怕明知道犯錯誤卻不面對。看了範文和點評，希望大家有思考，有提高。