考研英語看圖作文範例點評：招聘條件

看圖作文在英語作文中是大家普遍缺乏練習的一種類型，一個提高的方式就是看範例和點評，針對其中的錯誤進行自我修正。

招聘條件：

寫作原文

The undergraduate, who is on his way to a job interview, is stunned after hearing a ridiculous condition: the position is only for the man born in the year of dog. More ironically, a dog is eager to try. Conspicuously, that is a horrible depiction concerning the discrimination in job market. Over the past years, all kinds of discriminations(改爲discrimination，它是一個不可數名詞) have (has) been condemned or made illegal, but one insidious form continue to thrive: some harsh conditions some employers imposed when recruit new,(句子成分不清，建議改爲some harsh conditions are imposed on the employers when a company recruit new) ranging from height to household registration. So, what cause(改爲causes) these problems? Firstly, thetremendous number of graduates- still mounting each year- make organizations powerless to screen out right candidates. (本句話說服力不夠強) For which(改爲this) reason, numerous bizarre approaches have come out to find “the right person”. Moreover, the current state of affairs may have been encouraged by lack of severe penalty and punishment to those arrogant organizations who(改爲which) shrink the obligation of selecting eligible staff. A good case in point is one of my roommates, with excellent performance in the job interview, failed to obtain the occupation(本句話可改爲who performs excellently in the job interview, but fails to obtain the occupation，若要按作者的寫法，應該在failed之前加but，用來連接兩個簡單句，且將failed改爲fail) as a consequence of inadequate clear message is that we should get moving to launch a war against those irresponsible companies. Just as rejecting those duty-shrinking corporations, making complaint to administrator as long as we meet this situation.(整句話沒有謂語動詞，且administrator使用不當，本句話可改爲：To reject the duty-shrinking corporations, we should report the situation to the relevant authorities) More significantly, the authorities should charge with the obligation of laying down associate-effective discipline which seems appropriate in the light of current situation. By these methods, we will surely get through this tough period before long.

總體點評

文章結構完整，符合考研寫作的要求。但是美中不足的是，作者在選詞方面不夠精確，句子表達方面也有所欠缺。望作者在以後的寫作中，應該注重句子的組成，並選用強有力的論據來支撐自己的觀點;應該多積累經典詞句，練習模仿句子，一週練習兩篇作文即可。其餘時間可強化自己的基礎知識，鍛鍊自己的語言組織能力。

參考分數(滿分20分)：12

英語寫作水平的提升需要不斷地練習，在改正錯誤中不斷取得進步，不怕犯錯誤，怕明知道犯錯誤卻不面對。看了範文和點評，希望大家有思考，有提高。