實用社交課堂:5種方式建立人際關係網

We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and probably some friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are simply not fulfilling.
每個人都有交際，都有認識的人、親戚、同事、鄰居還有一些朋友。但對很多人來說，以上這些人際關係並不盡人意。

They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.
不盡人意是因爲關係不牢靠，而關係不牢靠則是因爲缺乏深交。

Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction.
可是，當今社會人與人之間的關係向來淡薄，而這種淡薄的人際關係又怎會讓人順心如意呢？

I’d like to show you, based on my experience as a communication and confidence coach, how you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships and make your social life a whole lot more meaningful.
根據做我做交流與自信力培訓教練的經驗，我可以教你怎樣使人際關係昇華、變牢靠，使你的社交生活更加豐富多彩。

1. Meet More People
1. 多認識人

This is an apparent paradox, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably to do with the quantity of people you meet.
顯然這有點自相矛盾，但人際“質量”確實跟交往“數量”有很大關係。

If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values.
如果你交遊寥寥，一年四季只結交一兩個人，想想你還有那麼多各種各樣不曾結識的人，那你確實很難認識跟自己脾氣、愛好、觀念相投的人了。

And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships.
而性格相投對牢固的人際關係又是如此關鍵，所以那樣你更難有機會建立良好的人際關係了。

Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc.
相反，如果你經常出去結識各種各樣的人，社交圈就會不斷擴大，你會喜歡跟脾氣相投的人打成一片，而這些人極有可能成爲你的好朋友、好基友等等。

This is why it’s important to meet more people.
所以多結交朋友很重要。

2. Talk about the Things That Matter To You
2. 講講自己在乎的事情

A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection.
當兩個人發現彼此的信仰和興趣都很相像時，倆人的關係必然會加深。確實，價值觀和興趣愛好都能搭建起牢固的情感紐帶。

I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life.
我發現很多人的交談都比較泛泛。人們一般只會談些天氣、電視節目、電影明星八卦等瑣碎話題，很少觸及各自生活中他們最在乎的部分。

This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop.
我覺得這樣大錯特錯，是扼殺一段人際關係的殺手鐗。

Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected.
應該談些自己在乎的話題，讓別人知道你關心什麼、相信什麼。如果碰巧他們相信和在乎的事情剛好跟你的一樣，他們肯定會迫不及待地跟你分享。這樣你便能找到有趣的共同話題，你們的關係也會更加親密了。3. Express Vulnerability
3. 展現脆弱的一面

Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings and they never say anything that could embarrass them.
許多人總想表現得完美無缺。他們不願談起失敗經歷，對自己的缺點遮遮掩掩，也從不說些會使自己尷尬的事情。

This is all just a facade though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws.
可這一切都只是表象而已。或許你在某些人面前表現得很完美，但你很清楚自己並不完美，何況他們也看得出來。你是個人，人無完人，都會有缺點。

However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally.
而且，藏起缺點只會讓你看上去漠然無情。你更像一尊大理石雕像，而不是活生生的人。而這樣更難讓別人從情感上接近你了。

Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level.
人是在跟人打交道，而不是在跟理想打交道。請記住這一點，別怕在人面前顯露你的脆弱和感性，只有這樣才能使人際關係更進一步。

4. Have Integrity
4. 坦誠相待

Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity.
我覺得坦誠體現在人的思維、言談及舉止當中。如果你能說你所想、做你所說，你便是個坦誠的人。

This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises.
坦誠的性格非常重要，因爲這樣人們纔會信任你。人們相信你的評價會比較中肯，即便有時會忠言逆耳，人們也會相信你能遵守承諾。

This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity.
這種信任是可靠人際關係的中流砥柱，對你的生活與工作都很重要。所以，儘管有時候要做到坦誠並不容易，但還是試試吧。

Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do.
與周圍的人坦誠相待，哪怕剛開始這麼做會傷害到他們。比起傷感情來，贏得他們的信任更爲重要。而且，一定要踐行諾言。許下承諾前最好先想清楚，覺得是自己力所能及又非常樂意的事情時再作保證。

5. Be There For Others
5. 隨時伸出援手

Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions.
可靠人際關係的另一個頂樑柱就是支持。如果能在需要時伸出援手，不管是幾句安慰的話還是大刀闊斧的實際行動，人與人之間的紐帶都能變得更加牢固。

Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them.
當然，你不可能隨時都能幫上每個人的忙。畢竟人的時間、精力和其他資源都是有限的。但是你可以區別出你生活中真正重要的人，然後儘可能在他們需要時提供幫助。

Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes one hell of a difference in a relationship.
你對能在實際上給他們幫助，給他們帶來情感上的撫慰，而這能給你倆的關係帶來質的飛躍。

With the right mindset and the right behavior, you can strengthen a wide range of relationships in your life and advance them as far as they can be advanced.
只要心態正確、舉止得體，你可以管理好生活中的各類人際關係，並儘可能地改善它們。

And with strong relationships, not only that you feel more fulfilled, but you feel more connected to the entire world. You feel that your life has real value, you have more fun and you live in the moment. An entire world of opportunities opens up in front of you.
人際關係可靠了，你不僅更有成就感，還會感到自己與整個世界四通八達，覺得生活很有意義；你會很開心，會珍惜當下。全世界的機會都向你敞開大門。

Then your task is to simply walk through the open doors.
然後，你只需抓住那些機會就行。