社交課堂：10種方式做更好的傾聽者

It hard to have a conversation these days. Everyone is so distracted.
如今的社會想要安心交談很難。大家都思想不集中。

Interruptions, multi-tasking, and technology distract us from having even the simplest of conversations. How do you ensure that you are present when you are having a conversation?
各種干擾、同時處理多項任務和一些科技產品讓我們不能安心交談，甚至最簡短的交談也不例外。你怎麼能保證交談時心無旁騖？

I once worked for a boss that wasn’t a good listener. One day, I was in his office for a one-on-one meeting. Before the meeting even got started his phone rang, and he proceeded to talk to a friend for 10 minutes while I sat there. A few minutes into the meeting his was reading incoming emails on his computer screen. Then, a couple of minutes later a colleague appeared in the doorway. Instead of saying he was busy, he proceeded to discuss his weekend adventures.
我以前的一個老闆就不是一個善於傾聽的人。有一天，我在他辦公室與他一對一交談。在交談開始前他的電話就響了，他跟朋友一直聊了10分鐘，而我坐在那兒等。交談開始後的幾分鐘裏，他一直盯着電腦屏幕，閱讀接收到的郵件。又過了幾分鐘 一位同事出現在門口。他沒有說他在忙，而是轉入關於週末探險的討論。

How would this situation make you feel? “Don’t let the phone, interruptions, or other work take precedence over the person sitting front of you.”
這讓你產生什麼感覺？“別讓電話、其他人或其他工作優先於坐在你面前的這個人。”

Of course, I didn’t feel like sharing anything else. How could I compete with all those other interruptions. It felt like anything I was saying was third-rate.
我當然不願意在與他分享其他事情。任何干擾都可以打斷交談！這讓我有種感覺，我說得任何事情都不值一提。

When someone is speaking with you, they want to be heard. Make sure you give them your full attention. Here are 10 Ways to “Be Present” and be a better Listener:
當有人跟你說話時，他們希望你傾聽，一定要給予他們你全部的注意力。10種方式教你“不缺席”，做一個更好的傾聽者。

1. Body Language
肢體語言

Don’t underestimate the power of body language. What you do with your body while you are in a conversation says much more than any words. As much as 80% of what we convey in a conversation is non-verbal. Face the other person. Present an open posture. A little body language goes a long way.
千萬不要低估肢體語言的威力。交談時，肢體動作透露出的信息遠遠勝過你的話語。交談中，高達80%的信息傳遞是非語言的。正視對方，擺出開誠佈公的姿態，一點細微的肢體語言都影響深遠。

2. Listen
傾聽

Listen, plain and simple. Nothing stops a conversation colder than, “Could you repeat that?” Listen like you were going to have to repeat back to them what they have told you.
傾聽，就這麼簡單。“你再說一遍好嗎？”這樣的分神會令說話者最受傷。傾聽，好像你將不得不把他們所說的話再複述給他們一樣。

3. Acknowledge
認同

We need signs that we are being heard. Conversation cues and acknowledgements are part of how we communicate. If you doubt this, the next time you are on a phone call simply stop making any noise while the other person is speaking. Within a few moments the other person will stop and ask, “Are you still there?”
我們需要被聽到的反饋。話題脈絡和對談話內容的認同，是我們交流的組成部分。如果你不相信，下次你打電話時，對方說話，你保持悄無聲息。很快，對方將會停下來，問：“你還在嗎？”

4. Don’t Sit Across the Desk
不要隔桌而坐

Sitting across the desk puts a barrier between you and who you are meeting with. Come out from behind your desk and meet. A small meeting table is always better than the “wall” that a desk presents.
隔桌而坐，這張辦公桌會成爲你和對方溝通的阻礙。從辦公桌後走出來，靠近對方。小型會議桌總是好過辦公桌這堵“牆”。

5. Make Them Your Top Priority
把他們放在首位

When you are listening to someone, don’t take calls or let someone else who walks up take precedence over the current conversation. When you are with someone, make them priority.
當你傾聽某人時，不要接電話，也不要讓走過前來的其他人打斷你們的交談。當你和某人在一起時，請重視他們。6. Repeat, Don’t Refute
重複，不要反駁

When someone is telling you their story, they aren’t looking for you to interrupt with analysis or suggestions. Hear them out. Repeat back to them what you heard. You can put on your “fix it” hat later. (Only if asked!)
當有人向你講述他們的故事時，他們不希望你打斷他，作分析、提建議。聽他們說完，重複你聽到的內容，最後你可以作補充（只是在對方要求你的情況下）。

7. Don’t Do Other Work
放下其他工作

In our busy technology driven world, it is tempting to send off that quick text or answer that email. Don’t. People can tell when you are doing something else. You may think it is a brief task, but it tells the other person that you have more important work to do. This is not the time to multi-task.
在如今這個被科技所驅使的忙碌世界裏，發一條短信回覆一封郵件很誘人。不要這樣做，人們能感覺到你在忙別的事情。你可能認爲，這是長話短說的事情，但其他人會理解爲有更重要的工作在等你。這不是多項工作一起做的時候。

8. Put the Cell Phone Down
放下手機

We give our phones too much control over us. We jump any time they ring, beep, or buzz. So, silence your phone. Turn it off or put it in a drawer. Better yet, “Stop having an affair with your smartphone.”
手機牽着我們的鼻子走，手機一響，不論嘟嘟還是嗡嗡，我們都會一躍而起。所以讓手機安靜一會兒，關掉它或把它丟進抽屜裏。最好“不要與你的智能手機扯不清理還亂”。

9. Question
提問

Ask questions to show that you care and that you are in the conversation. Don’t go into interrogation mode. Ask interest questions like, “What happened next?” or “How did you feel then?”
問問題表示，你關心談話的內容，而且你的思想就在交談中。不要誤入審問模式。問表示關心的問題，如：“接下來呢？”或“你當時什麼感覺？”

10. Thank Them
表示感謝

After a conversation, say “Thank you for talking to me.” You don’t have to provide an answer or magical solution. Often, the other person just wants to be heard and acknowledged. Be there for them and just listen.
交談結束後，說“謝謝你與我交談”。你不必提供答案或奇妙的解決方案。對方常常只希望被傾聽被認同，在他們身邊僅僅傾聽就夠了。

When you are speaking with someone, be in the moment. Give them your full attention. Don’t let interruptions stop the conversation. Be present. Turn off the tech. And just listen. You may just make the other person feel like your top priority.
和某人交談時，要排除干擾。給他們你全部的注意力，不要讓干擾中斷交談。不分心，關掉高科技產品，靜心傾聽。你會讓對方感覺到你最重視他。