實用社交課堂：9個招人嫌的交際習慣你有嗎？大綱

For some reason I’ve been more aware lately of the annoying social habits of other people. Worse than that, I’ve then been noticing many of the same behaviors in myself. Cutting out these negative habits makes it simpler to foster good relationships by getting to the heart of productive communication, so why not start today?

最近我突然注意到別人一些討厭的交際習慣，而有些習慣我自己也有。只有改掉這些不良習慣，我們纔能有效溝通、培養有益的人際關係。那麼還等什麼呢？

1. Seeking attention by complaining.

通過抱怨尋求關注

I spoke to someone yesterday who all but refused to talk about the positive aspects of their life. After listening to their troubles, I asked about some of the cool projects they have going on. Within two sentences, they were back to complaining about trivial things. We all need to share our troubles with friends or strangers from time to time, but don’t fall into the habit of turning conversations into your own personal dumping ground 100 percent of the time. It’s an easy way to get attention, but it’s a poor way to keep it; and it’s a poor way to view your life.

昨天我遇到幾個人，滿腹都是對生活的牢騷。聽了抱怨後，我問他們最近有沒有比較好的事情，結果應付兩句後，他們又開始了雞毛蒜皮的抱怨。當然，人都需要偶爾跟他人說說自己的煩惱，但絕不能因此養成抱怨的習慣，每次開口就只顧自己大訴苦水。雖然抱怨很容易贏得關注，但卻是個壞習慣，容易使人消極看待人生。

2. Focusing on your inner monologue instead of the dialogue in front of you.

只顧表達自己，無視交談互動。

“Holy crap! That’s a great idea. Wow. What can I say that will sound smart and clever? I really hope they think I’m intelligent. I could touch on symbolism or make a reference to post-modernism. Wait – what did they just ask me?” Stay focused on the other person’s words and points. People rarely mind when you say, “Hmm. Let me think about that for a second.” Quite the opposite, since it shows that you’re taking the conversation seriously. If you compose your answers while someone else is speaking, you’re really only having half a conversation. Read Just Listen.

“哇，主意真不錯！該說點什麼漂亮話來着？我要讓別人覺得我很聰明。比喻？引用後現代主義？啊，對了，剛纔他們問了什麼問題來着？”——這就是很多人的習慣。相反，我們應該注意傾聽對方的言辭要點。如果你說：“嗯，我想想看”，人們不會介意，而只會覺得你確實在把你們的談話當回事。要是你在別人講話的時候強行插入自己的觀點，那談話其實根本就沒有互動性。所以，請傾聽！

3. Multi-tasking while you chat.

講話時一心多用。

Even if you are a professional multi-tasker, if you’re talking to someone, talk to them, and that’s it. Don’t browse online, don’t watch TV, don’t update your to-do list, and please, don’t eat while you’re on the phone. Whether they say so or not, it really annoys the person you’re talking to. If you really don’t have the time to talk, be honest and find another time, or cut it short.

即便你很擅長一心多用，但在跟人講話時，也請專心講話。不要同時還在上網、看電視、查看任務清單，而且，千萬不要邊吃東西邊講電話！不管聽電話的人會不會明說，這種行爲都很討厭。如果你實在沒時間，那就直接坦白，另外再約時間講話，或者長話短說。

4. Not paying attention to the people you care about most.

對最重要的人關心不夠。

Pretending to listen while your mind wanders to your work day, etc. Do you really think your loved ones can’t tell? They can. And even more importantly, they need you to listen sincerely and thoughtfully. There is no greater gift of love and no greater expression of caring that you can offer the special people in your life, than your undivided time and attention. You need to remember that ‘love’ is listening, and everyone wants to be heard.

總是假裝在聽，心裏卻想着工作等其他事情吧？你真以爲心愛的他/她感覺不到嗎？其實恰恰相反。他/她真的希望你能用心傾聽。還有什麼比抽空關心他/她更能表達你的愛意呢？請記住：愛是傾聽，而人人都渴望被傾聽。

5. Constantly fishing for compliments.

無休止地暗求讚美。

“Oh, I look terrible today.” – after someone compliments you. “I just threw it together at the last minute.” – when you obviously dressed up. “I’m really not good at things like this.” – when the people you’re with know you are. Please. Stop. It’s not flattering.

當有人誇你後，你會說“啊，今天我氣色並不好。” 明明是盛裝打扮，你卻又說“唉，隨便亂穿罷了。” 就連知根知底的人誇你，你都會說“哪有你說的那樣好！”——拜託，這又不是諂媚奉承，何必呢！

6. De-emphasizing compliments with self-effacing remarks.

面對讚賞過於謙遜。

It’s okay to say “thank you” when you’re complimented. By making a self-effacing comment, you nearly force the other person to repeat their compliment, which is not a gracious thing to do. Acknowledging a compliment isn’t snobby – like you’re admitting that you think you’re just grand – it’s a simple courtesy. Besides, you earned it. Saying “thank you” not only makes the other person feel good, it’s a healthy reminder that you’re responsible for some really good things in your life.

受人稱讚時說句“謝謝”就行了，非得過於謙遜，反有再次邀賞之嫌，很不好。接受稱讚並不表示你很自命不凡，好像自己很了不起的樣子，只是是客氣而已。更何況有時候確實當之無愧呢！表示感謝不僅讓對方感到舒服，也表明你很珍視生活中的美好事物。

7. Cutting people off mid-sentence.

打斷別人的講話。

The only time this is okay is when you’re in an intense brainstorming session. Or you’ve got an urgent situation to attend to. Or you haven’t seen your best friend in months. Okay, so this habit is kind of elastic, but you get the gist. Most of the time, interrupting just means that you’re missing the best parts of the conversation. Plus, you’re showing your chat partner that you value your own thoughts over theirs.

只有在緊張激烈的會議上、遇到非常緊急的情況或激動地與多年不見的好友重逢，打斷講話才情有可原。所以，打斷講話也得看情況分場合。多數時候，打斷講話會錯過精彩內容，而且顯得你只在意自己的想法。

8. An unsupportive attitude.

不支持的態度。

The greatest compliment you can give to someone is to believe in them and let them know you care. When you see something true, good and beautiful in someone, don’t hesitate to express your appreciation. When you see something that is not true, good and beautiful in someone, don’t neglect to give them your wholehearted blessings and best wishes.

恭維他人最好的辦法就是相信他們，讓他們知道你很在乎。如果發現別人優秀的方面，請不要吝嗇你的讚美；如果發現別人不太好的地方，也要記得多多鼓勵、真心祝願。

9. Trying to please everyone.

想討好所有人。

This one is about keeping your sanity. No matter how loud their opinions are, others cannot choose who you are. The question should not be, “Why don’t they like me when I’m being me?” it should be, “Why am I wasting all my time and energy worrying what they think of me?” If you are not hurting anyone with your actions, keep moving forward with your life. Be happy. Be yourself. If others don’t like it, let them be. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.

這就涉及到理智問題了。不管別人對你有什麼看法，你還是你自己。不要再責問自己“爲什麼他們不喜歡真實的我”，而應告訴自己“何必浪費時間和精力擔心別人怎麼看我呢”。如果你根本就沒礙着誰，那就過自己的日子好了。開心點！別人看不慣，隨便唄！活着又不是爲了討好每個人。