人們形形色色的請假理由

Now that summer vacation season is just a memory, and winter cold-and-flu season is looming, it's a good time to contemplate people's reasons for calling in to say that they are just not planning to show up.

夏天假期已經悄悄過去，寒冷難耐、流感橫行的冬天即將來臨。盤點人們形形色色的請假理由，現在正是時候。

Of course, no sane manager expects 100% attendance from everybody all the time. Life doesn't work that way. Have I ever told you about the time I tripped over my dog and had to go to the emergency room to get 17 stitches? No? Well, of course not. Who wants to admit to being unable to navigate a room without tripping over a dog?

當然，但凡理智的老闆都不會期望所有員工的出勤率都保持在100%。這是不現實的。我有沒有說過我曾經被狗絆了一跤，結果去急診室縫了17針？這樣的糗事我當然不會聲張了，誰願意主動承認在自己家裏還會被狗絆倒摔一跤呢？

And while we're on this thread, here's another thing: Who doesn't take a mental-health day every once in a while? Answer (you know it): A really scary person you would not want to be around. Or work for.

既然說到這個問題，還有一件事：誰敢說自己不會每隔一段時間就會有一天精神恍惚？如果真有這樣的人，那他肯定非常恐怖，不會有人願意與他打交道。更別提一起共事了。

We get it. Really. But there are limits.

所以，對於請假我們都非常理解。但凡事總有限度。

Or are there? Job site CareerBuilder recently asked 2,696 human resources managers and 4,384 full-time employees for the "most unusual" reasons for absence that they had heard, seen, or perpetrated. The researchers got some intriguing answers. Here are a few:

但事實果真如此嗎？最近，求職網站凱業必達（CareerBuilder）對2,696名人力資源經理和4,384名全球員工進行了調查，徵詢他們聽說的、見過的或者自己用過的“最不同凡響”的缺勤理由。調查人員得到了一些有趣的答案。比如：The employee:

• Fell out of bed and broke his nose

• Caught a cold from a puppy

• Got sick from eating too much at a party

• Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze

• Hurt his back chasing a beaver

• Got his toe caught in a vent cover

•Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales

員工：

• 從牀上掉下來，摔破了鼻子

• 感染了“狗流感”

• 參加派對吃得太多，吃壞了肚子

• 不小心喝了防凍液，不得不去醫院就醫

• 捉海狸的時候傷到了背部

• 腳趾頭被排氣孔給卡住了

•瘋狂趕場參加舊貨交易，結果導致頭痛

There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:

• Bats got into the employee's hair.

• A refrigerator fell on the employee.

• A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.

• A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.

• While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.

而有一些缺勤者給出的理由更是匪夷所思：

• 蝙蝠鑽進了頭髮

• 冰箱倒了，砸在身上

• 一隻裝滿水的水桶砸破保齡球館的屋頂，恰好又砸在自己的頭上

• 打獵時被一隻鹿咬傷了

• 寵物倉鼠要產崽，整個過程讓人噁心不已，於是，她（員工本人，而不是倉鼠）暈了過去。

If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us," said the person who hired him.

當然，如果對請假理由進行評獎的話，大獎非一位大廚莫屬。他在一家著名的餐廳擔任副廚師長，這家餐廳生意火爆，而且給他的待遇也十分豐厚。他的老闆說：“他稱自己之前就有過敏症，只不過一直沒有跟我們透露。”

The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."

原來這位大廚對許多食物過敏，於是在用完了所有帶薪病假和假期之後，他“終於找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”

Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?

好吧。許多廚師都不碰食物（這是後廚的規矩 ：由下屬負責切洋蔥和清洗炒鍋之類的雜活）。但我還是不明白：誰會不小心喝防凍液呢？會不會是那個獵鹿人一直等着那隻鹿走過來咬他？

Now, that is a story I would like to hear.

我倒想聽聽他們的解釋。