名著精讀:《悉達多》 在河邊(5)

Govinda looked at the friend of his youth for a long time, with doubt in his eyes. After that, he gave him the salutation which one would use on a gentleman and went on his way.
With a smiling face, Siddhartha watched him leave, he loved him still, this faithful man, this fearful man. And how could he not have loved everybody and everything in this moment, in the glorious hour after his wonderful sleep, filled with Om! The enchantment, which had happened inside of him in his sleep and by means of the Om, was this very thing that he loved everything, that he was full of joyful love for everything he saw. And it was this very thing, so it seemed to him now, which had been his sickness before, that he was not able to love anybody or anything.
With a smiling face, Siddhartha watched the leaving monk. The sleep had strengthened him much, but hunger gave him much pain, for by now he had not eaten for two days, and the times were long past when he had been tough against hunger. With sadness, and yet also with a smile, he thought of that time. In those days, so he remembered, he had boasted of three three things to Kamala, had been able to do three noble and undefeatable feats: fasting--waiting--thinking. These had been his possession, his power and strength, his solid staff; in the busy, laborious years of his youth, he had learned these three feats, nothing else. And now, they had abandoned him, none of them was his any more, neither fasting, nor waiting, nor thinking. For the most wretched things, he had given them up, for what fades most quickly, for sensual lust, for the good life, for riches! His life had indeed been strange. And now, so it seemed, now he had really become a childlike person.
Siddhartha thought about his situation. Thinking was hard on him, he did not really feel like it, but he forced himself.
Now, he thought, since all these most easily perishing things have slipped from me again, now I'm standing here under the sun again just as I have been standing here a little child, nothing is mine, I have no abilities, there is nothing I could bring about, I have learned nothing. How wondrous is this! Now, that I'm no longer young, that my hair is already half gray, that my strength is fading, now I'm starting again at the beginning and as a child! Again, he had to smile. Yes, his fate had been strange! Things were going downhill with him, and now he was again facing the world void and naked and stupid. But he could not feed sad about this, no, he even felt a great urge to laugh, to laugh about himself, to laugh about this strange, foolish world.

戈文達久久的凝視着自己青年時代的好友，眼睛裏含着疑慮。隨後，他像問候貴人那樣向他致意，就動身上路了。
席特哈爾塔面帶微笑地目送他遠去。他仍然熱愛戈文達，這個老實而憂心忡忡的人。在這個時刻，在酣睡之後這個美好的時刻，他周身已被“唵”滲透，怎麼會不愛別的人和別的事呢！通過睡眠和“唵”而在他身上發生的魔力就在於此：他熱愛一切，對見到的一切都洋溢着歡樂的愛。現在他覺得，先前他之所以病和那麼重，就是由於他什麼都不愛，誰都不愛。
席特哈爾塔面帶微笑地目送遠去的和尚。酣睡使得他精神煥發，但是飢餓也在折磨他，因爲他已經兩天沒吃東西，而他能夠頑強地抗住飢餓的時候早已過去了。他既憂傷又歡欣地回想起那個時候。他記得自己當年曾在卡瑪拉麪前誇耀過三件事，說他會三樣高超的不可戰勝的本領，即齋戒——等待——思考。這是他的看家寶，是他的威力所在，是他的結實的棍子，在青年時代勤奮而艱苦的歲月裏，他就是學會了這三樣本領，豈有他哉！如今他已丟棄了它們，它們已蕩然無存，他不再齋戒，不再等待，不再思考，他用它們去換取可鄙之物，換取一時的快樂，換取感官的享受，換取奢侈的生活，換取了財富！實際上他的境況很古怪。現在看來，他真的成了孩子般的俗人。
席特哈爾塔思考着自己的處境。他覺得思考已相當困難，他根本沒興趣，可是仍強迫自己思考。
他想，現在我又擺脫了一切如過眼煙雲之事，我又站在了陽光下，就像當初我還是個小孩子時那樣。我什麼都沒有，什麼都不會，什麼都不懂，什麼都沒學過。真怪呀！現在我已不再年輕，我的頭髮已經花白，我的體力已經衰退，卻又要從頭開始，從小孩子時開始！他忍不住笑了。是的，他的命運真怪！他每況愈下，現在又空空地、赤裸裸地、愚蠢地站在這世界上了。不過，他並不憂慮，不，他甚至感到很想大笑，笑自己，笑這個古怪荒唐的世界。