經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第4章(8)

Yes, that’s true, admitted Arthur.
All, however, that seemed to be afoot was a ceremony of some kind. It was being specially staged for the benefit of TV rather than the spectators, and all they could gather about it from where they were standing was what they heard from a nearby radio. Ford was aggressively uninterested.
He fretted as he heard it explained that the Ashes were about to be presented to the Captain of the English team out there on the pitch, fumed when told that this was because they had now won them for the n’th time, positively barked with annoyance at the information that the Ashes were the remains of a cricket stump, and when, further to this, he was asked to contend with the fact that the cricket stump in question had been burnt in Melbourne, Australia, in 1882, to signify the “death of English cricket”, he rounded on Slartibartfast, took a deep breath, but didn’t have a chance to say anything because the old man wasn’t there. He was marching out on to the pitch with terrible purpose in his gait, his hair, beard and robes swept behind him, looking very much as Moses would have looked if Sinai had been a well-cut lawn instead of, as it is more usually represented, a fiery smoking mountain.
He said to meet him at his ship, said Arthur.
What in the name of zarking fardwarks is the old fool doing? exploded Ford.
Meeting us at his ship in two minutes, said Arthur with a shrug which indicated total abdication of thought. They started off towards it. Strange sounds reached their ears. They tried not to listen, but could not help noticing that Slartibartfast was querulously demanding that he be given the silver urn containing the Ashes, as they were, he said, vitally important for the past, present and future safety of the Galaxy, and that this was causing wild hilarity. They resolved to ignore it.
What happened next they could not ignore. With a noise like a hundred thousand people saying “wop”, a steely white spaceship suddenly seemed to create itself out of nothing in the air directly above the cricket pitch and hung there with infinite menace and a slight hum.
Then for a while it did nothing, as if it expected everybody to go about their normal business and not mind it just hanging there.
Then it did something quite extraordinary. Or rather, it opened up and let something quite extraordinary come out of it, eleven quite extraordinary things.
They were robots, white robots.
What was most extraordinary about them was that they appeared to have come dressed for the occasion. Not only were they white, but they carried what appeared to be cricket bats, and not only that, but they also carried what appeared to be cricket balls, and not only that but they wore white ribbing pads round the lower parts of their legs. These last were extraordinary because they appeared to contain jets which allowed these curiously civilized robots to fly down from their hovering spaceship and start to kill people, which is what they did
Hello, said Arthur, something seems to be happening.
Get to the ship, shouted Ford. I don’t want to know, I don’t want to see, I don’t want to hear, he yelled as he ran, this is not my planet, I didn’t choose to be here, I don’t want to get involved, just get me out of here, and get me to a party, with people I can relate to!
Smoke and flame billowed from the pitch.

“是的，的確是。”阿瑟表示同意。
然而，就要來臨的，似乎是一個大型慶典。這個慶典其實是用來錄電視節目的，並非專爲現場觀衆所設。觀衆們不斷聚集過來的地點，是旁邊一個擴音器指示的。福特對此簡直沒有絲毫興趣。
他正愁的時候，聽見廣播裏說，灰燼杯將由英格蘭隊的隊長舉到球道來展示，原因是他們第N次贏得了這個東西。福特覺得很氣憤。而後廣播裏又說，這個灰燼杯，其實是一個板球門柱燃燒的殘餘物，福特忍不住狠狠地吼了一聲。更加過分的是，他還得忍受那個門柱的故事：它於1882年，在澳大利亞墨爾本被焚燒，以象徵“英國板球運動之死”。於是他起身想要去找司拉提巴特法斯特。他做了個深呼吸，但卻沒有機會說點什麼，因爲老人不在那兒了。老人正以堅定的步伐邁向球道，他的頭髮、鬍鬚和長袍在他身後飄揚，看上去非常像摩西——如果西奈山是一片修建好的草坪而不是，一般所認爲的，一座火光熊熊的山的話。③
“他說在飛船裏見。”阿瑟說。
“看在讚的發蝸的份上，這老傻瓜在幹什麼？”福特要爆發了。
“在準備兩分鐘後跟咱們飛船裏見。”阿瑟聳聳肩膀，表示放棄思考這個問題。他倆便朝飛船走去。這時一陣奇怪的聲音傳來。他們試圖不去聽它，卻無法避免看見這樣一幕：司拉提巴特法斯特不耐煩地要求那些人，把裝着灰燼的銀質獎盃交給他，原因是——據他宣稱，這個灰燼杯對於銀河系的過去、現在及未來的安全極端重要——於是引起一片狂笑。福特和阿瑟決定不予理會。
接下來所發生的，則令他們無法不理會。隨着一聲彷彿成百上千人同時說“喔”的巨響，一艘鋼鐵所制、白色的太空飛船，突然之間，在球道的正上方憑空冒了出來，低低地轟鳴着，似乎有極大的危險性。
過了好一會兒，它什麼也沒幹，彷彿希望每個人都繼續做他們的正事，不用管它掛在那兒似的。
然後，它就幹了點相當不尋常的事。確切地說，它打開門，一些相當不尋常的東西走了出來。共有十一個。
它們是機器人，白色機器人。
最最不尋常的是，它們好象專門爲此打扮過。它們不僅都是白的，而且都帶着板球拍一樣的物品；這還不止，它們還帶着好象板球一樣的東西；這仍然不止，它們的腿的下部，還戴着白色的肋骨狀的護腿板。這些新來的傢伙是如此的不尋常，更因爲他們都帶着噴氣式飛行器，這可以使它們從懸在半空的飛船裏飛下來，以便這些奇怪的智能機器人開始殺人。他們真的這麼做了。
“嘿，”阿瑟說，“好象出事了！”
“去飛船那兒！”福特叫道，“我不想知道，我不想看，我不想聽！”他一邊跑一邊吶喊着，“這不是我的星球，我不想來這兒，我不想被捲進去，只要讓我離開就行！把我帶到一個有我認識的人的派對上吧！”
濃煙和火焰開始在球道上翻騰而起。