最奇葩的曠課理由

What is the weirdest reason teachers have heard for a student being absent?

老師聽過的學生曠課最奇葩的理由是什麼？

Shall I nominate my earliest lie for this?

我能分享一下我第一個曠課理由嗎？

Sleeping in classroom and getting caught for that, was my routine when I was 3–5 years old. Then one day I was on leave and the next day my teacher asked me for the reason. Then, with utter helplessness, I gave this excuse.

在教室睡覺被抓是我3-5歲時的常事。後來有一天我一天沒上學，第二天老師問我原因。在超級無助的情況下，我編了這個理由。

Me: “I was sleeping Ma'am”.

我：“我在睡覺，老師。”

Teacher: “Sleeping for one whole day?”

老師：“睡一整天？”

Me: “Yes ma'am my mom never allows me to sleep at night. That's why I sleep often during class.”

我：“是的，老師，我媽媽從來不讓我晚上睡覺，所以我才經常上課睡覺。”

Teacher: “But why would she not allow?”

老師：“你媽媽爲什麼不讓你睡覺呢？”

Me: “We are preparing for the final exams”.

我：“我們在準備期末考試。”

My teacher called my mom up and said she almost believed in my lie because of the innocence she felt, until she heard a kindergarten kid was preparing sleeplessly for the final exams, that comes after 6 months.

老師把我媽媽叫來，說因爲她覺得我太單純了，所以一開始差點就相信我的謊言了，直到後來聽一個幼兒園小朋友說不睡覺在準備6個月以後的期末考試她就不信了。

My mom calls me a born liar since then.

從那以後媽媽說我是天生的謊言家。

His pet skunk died.

他的寵物臭鼬死了。

A student came into class one day and explained to the teacher that they were absent from school the day before because they were mourning the death of their pet skunk.

一個學生一天走進班級跟老師解釋說他們前一天沒來是爲寵物臭鼬哀悼。

At first the teacher didn’t believe them, but then the kid’s parents filled in the details. The new housecleaner had accidentally used a cleaning product toxic to skunks, and this student was, in fact, so inconsolable that they didn’t return to school until the next day.

最初老師不信，但後來孩子的父母補充了一些細節。家裏新來的清潔工無意中用了對臭鼬有毒的清潔產品，這個學生很傷心，哄不好了，所以第二天才來上學。

My weirdest reason for being late for a class was “The cat was on fire”.

我最奇葩的上課遲到理由是“貓着火了。”

I was listening to this CD while getting ready for class:

我準備去上課時正在聽這張CD：

Next thing I know my roommate's wife is pounding on my bedroom door yelling “Help the cat is on fire and hiding under my bed”. My first thought was that she had heard what I was listening to and was joking but she was serious.

緊接着室友的妻子使勁拍我臥室門喊着“快來幫忙，貓着火了，正躲在牀底下。”我的第一個想法是她聽到我聽的歌了是在開玩笑，可她卻是認真的。

She had had a scented candle burning on the coffee table while she watched a movie and the cat had walked over it, setting his fur on fire. She had slapped him to put out the fire and he ran and hid under the bed still smoking. I crawled under and checked the fire was out but ended up leaving him there once I was sure he was OK. He had all his claws dug into the carpet, dead center under the queen sized bed.

她的咖啡桌上有一支點燃的有香味的蠟燭，她正在看電影，貓從蠟燭旁邊走過時毛被點着了。她拍貓的毛想把火撲滅，貓就跑到牀底下躲了起來，身上還冒着煙。我趴在牀下檢查火是否滅了，最後確認它沒事，可它還是待在牀下不出來。它的爪子撓進了地毯裏，在雙人牀下面中間像死了一樣。

The cat had thick enough fur he was unharmed even though the fur on his belly was frizzy and burned to little more than stubble. The whole apartment stunk of burnt hair for a week.

雖然它肚子上的毛是卷的並且燒的就剩茬了，但身上的毛夠厚沒受傷。整個公寓裏一星期都充斥着毛髮燒焦的味道。

The teacher wasn’t sure whether to believe me or not but he said it was original enough he didn’t care.

老師不確定是否該相信我，但他說這個理由原創性強，所以他不在乎。