時尚雙語:十種方法 教你維繫遠距離戀愛

A long distance relationship is a trial of patience for two people in love. I've had my share of them due to my job commitments and at this stage in time, university degree requirement. In this article I will share several ideas on ways to not only sustain a pre-existing relationship but also develop it further.

I am assuming that you two have already been in a relationship for a reasonable amount of time. Your time together is precious and sacred and both of you appreciate the fact that among thousands of people out there, the two of you chose to be together. I assume here that there are no lies, that both are committed to the relationship.

Truth is, your biggest enemy is time. But at the same time, time squandered is a waste. For example, you spend all your life pining away for your partner hundreds or thousands of miles away when the thing that needs doing - your job, your degree, your life - is put on hold. Stop. You might say, "Well, its all part of the fun isn't it? Staying up late, listening to silly soppy songs on radio, re-reading old letters. Where's the harm in that?" Frankly, ma'am, a little is alright but a lot is way out of context.

Balance is the key to maintaining sanity in a long distance relationship. True, you may love him/her. But if you spend all your time focusing on how much you miss him/her, it will affect your moods and just make you a duller person.

On with the list of of Ten Ideas to Sustain A Long Distance Relationship

Have DVD Fridays/Weekends
The idea is that even though you're apart, it wouldn't hurt to synchronize watching a movie rental together. At least, after the movie, you can have a chat about the movie. Whether you liked it or not, or whether you identified with this or that character. At the very least, it's a conversation topic.

Work on a Common Project.
A friend of mine works in Beijing while his wife is in the US. They're engaged and working hard towards securing their future. They've just bought a home and are thinking of decorating it. Other than actually buying stuff and shipping it home (which can be extremely expensive!), whip out that Cameraphone, snap pics, put a price to it and post it on Flickr or set up a blog. Now both of you are engaged in the search of fantasy furniture pieces!

Share the Same Dream
My gay friend and his partner are fitness buffs. They had this crazy idea of doing the 100km marathon. The thing is, one of them's going away to the States for his studies and will periodically at the end of the year for his winter break. So I told them, why not train separately, but aim for a common end point. End of the year come back and race together. How about keeping a couple's training journal?

Skype & MSN
The key ingredient for any great relationship is COMMUNICATION. Instantaneous if possible, delayed at best. Skype offers anybody with a fast broadband connection and decent CPU processor speed the opportunity to call anybody on the internet for FREE. If you can't talk, use MSN messenger or any dozens of competing Instant Messaging services to keep in touch and focused. There's now no excuse to communicate if calls are FREE and messages are Instantaneous!

Stay Grounded and Focused
I can't emphasize this enough. Most people who arrive in a new city suddenly find themselves surrounded by new things to do, new people to meet etc. With that comes the temptation to try something new. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, or so they tell me. RESIST. Tell yourself, that you are in a perfectly good relationship and that you shouldn't put yourself in a compromising position. Life shouldn't be an episode of "Sex in the City". That kind of life leaves you depleted and hollow. Before one of you leave, get a set of commitment rings/studs/bracelet - anything. It doesn't have to be flashy but it is a token, a reminder that you carry in your heart, his/her heart. Mean it when you give it to him/her.

Remember Your Anniversaries and Firsts
Neglect it at your cost, but if you forget an anniversary, woe betide you... Write it down, print it out, tattoo it onto your brain, but make sure you remember your anniversaries and birthdays. Why? Well, with a little planning, that event can become focal points for the year. Something to look forward to. You could even surprise him/her with gifts sent by post. has lots of stuff on offer, so make full use of it. Everyone loves getting something special in the mail.

Keep A Journal
What doesn't get written down, will not be remembered. You're both young, enterprising adults with lives of your own. Keep track of your thoughts and emotional development. Keep track of your dreams and hopes. Doodle, scribble, inscribe your memory in a special way so that you may share it. The point is that sometimes Life moves so fast, you forget who you were or why you are with the person. A journal acts as a reminder.

Pay Attention To Each Other's Needs For Sleep
Difference in time zone, jet lag, lack of morning coffee - are frequently cited reasons as to why you're especially grouchy. Both partners need to be mindful that people get tired and need rest. When you agree to communicate choose a reasonable timing. Something that you're both comfortable with. 8pm in Hong Kong is 12pm in Britain. That's reasonable. When I was 8 hours ahead of my girl when she was visiting her family in UK, I came up with a table to remind myself of the time in UK, each time she logged on. I shared this with her and as much as possible we talked only when it was reasonable for us to do so.

Use GoogleMaps To Visualize The Space Between You
It's a fun exercise to help crystallize the distance that separates the two of you. Go to GoogleMaps type in your address and then type in your partner's address. Create a composite map of how you'll be getting home if you were to walk the entire distance using satellite photos.

Finally, Trust
The most important thing in a relationship is Trust. Trust that your partner will do the right thing. Trust that you will do the right thing. Be aware that pitfalls await for any couple, and that he/she can cheat at any point in time and space because, really at the end of the day, its their choice. What we can do as partners of lovers who are abroad is be the best person
that we can be.

I hope this write up will be of use to all lovers out there living under the tyranny of distance. Trust me on this, LDRs are worth having. There's an old adage that goes, "Absence only makes the heart grow fonder" and the old-fuddy-duddy in me wants to believe in that. Till next time!

遠距離戀愛對於相愛的兩人來說是一種考驗。我對此頗有所感，是因爲我的工作承諾以及我這一階段需要獲得的大學學位使我踏入了遠距離戀愛的行列。在以下文字中，我將與大家分享一些方法，教你如何不僅維繫好已經存在的戀愛關係，更能夠使之很好地發展下去。

假定你們倆已經在一起有一段時間了，那些時間對你們來說一定是珍貴而又神聖的。你們都感激上帝讓你們在芸芸衆生中選擇與對方在一起。假定你們之間沒有謊言，彼此都忠於這份感情。

那麼，事實上，你們最大的敵人會是時間。但是，同時，花大量的過多的時間卻也是一種鋪張浪費。比如說，你把所有的精力花在爲你那幾百或者幾千英里外的另一半而憔悴消瘦，這種時候，你正把需要做的工作，你需要完成的學業甚至你自己的生活擱置一邊。“嘿！等等！”你會說，“呃，但是這正是樂趣所在，不是嗎？熬夜，聆聽收音機裏傳來的癡情的歌曲，重讀舊情書，這又有何害處呢？”坦白地說，小姐，難得幾次是可以的，但是，過分多地這樣子做就有問題了。

找到平衡點是一段遠距離戀愛穩步發展的關鍵所在。是的，你愛他或她。但是如果你把你所有的時間花在計算你有多想他或者她的話，那將影響你的情緒，也將讓你變得更加無趣。

下面讓我們開始看看這十種維繫遠距離戀愛的方法吧。

1. 在週五或者週末一起看DVD
即使你們分隔兩地，仍舊可以在同一時間看同一部租來的電影。至少，在看完以後，你們兩個能夠聊一些關於這電影的東西。無論你喜歡與否，無論你如何給各個不同角色定位，說到底，這也是個聊天的話題。

2. 共同完成一個計劃
我的一個朋友在北京工作，而他的妻子生活在美國。他們定了婚，並且都在爲擁有共同的美好未來而努力工作。他們剛買了一所住宅，而且正在想如何來裝潢它。並非真的把各種各樣的材料傢俱搬回家(這樣子可貴着呢)，他們拿出帶攝像頭的手機，卡嚓卡嚓地拍下照片，爲它們標價，再把這些照片貼到網絡相冊Flickr上，或者建立一個博客，把它們貼在博客上。這下，你們兩個就都會忙於尋覓夢想中的傢俱了。

3. 擁有共同的夢想
我的一個同性戀朋友和他的另一半都是健身愛好者。他們有想要跑上100公里馬拉松的瘋狂的念頭。問題是，他們中的一個人要遠赴美國進修學業，而且要到今年年底纔有寒假能夠回來。於是，我問他們，何不擁有一致的目標但是分開訓練呢？然後到今年年底等他們之中的一個人會來後再一起跑步，我還建議他們寫下他們一起的訓練日記。

4. 要常用Skype（網絡語音通訊軟件）和MSN
溝通是建立任何保持良好關係的戀情的關鍵。只要條件允許就應該立即和你的愛人溝通，如果沒有時間，最多也只能稍微拖一拖。Skype提供了快捷的寬帶連接以及良好的中央處理器，使人們能夠更快地在因特網上與任何人通話，而且還是免費的。如果你不能進行語音聊天，那麼你該用MSN或者幾十種相互競爭的即時聊天工具中的一種來與你的愛人保持聯繫，並且時刻關注着他/她。既然現在的通話無需付費，而且聊天工具又使對話如此即時，還有什麼藉口來對溝通說不呢？

5. 腳踏實地、一心一意地戀愛
我不需要再強調這一點的重要性了。大多數剛抵達一個新城市的人會突然發現他們的周圍都是新的事情、新的人。這會誘惑人，讓人會有嘗試新鮮事物的想法。“這山望着那山高”，人們差不多是這樣解釋給我聽的。要抵制住啊！你要告訴你自己，你正處在一份完美的戀情中，也不應該讓自己陷入不好的處境。生活不該像《慾望都市》中的某一段情節，因爲那種生活會使你漸漸耗盡精力並且變得空虛。在你們要分開之前，留一些信物，比如說戒指、耳釘、項鍊，什麼都可以。不用太華麗的東西，只是一種象徵和一種暗示，代表了你把他或她的心放在了你的心裏。當你給他或她的時候，把它的意義告訴你的另一半。

6. 記住你們的紀念日和那些“第一次”
忽視這一點，你將會吃苦頭，而如果你忘記某一個紀念日，那你就慘了…… 你應該把紀念日都寫下來，打印出來，把它們深深刻在你的腦海裏，但同時，你也要記得你自己在意的那些紀念日和你自己的生日。爲什麼要這麼做呢？呃，其實爲那天計劃一下，紀念日就會變成一年中你們最關注的日子，因爲它成爲了令你們期待的東西。你甚至可以通過郵寄送給他/她禮物，給他/她一個驚喜。億貝網會提供許多商品，你該好好利用它。任何人都喜歡收到郵寄來的特殊的東西哦。

7. 不要忘記寫日記
沒有被寫下來的東西，是不能被銘記於心的。你們都是年輕的、有事業心的人，各自有自己的生活。你們得爲你們的思想和情感變化作下記錄，得使你們的夢想和希望留下痕跡。你可以進行塗鴉，也可以隨便寫寫，把你們的回憶用特殊的方式記錄下來，這樣你們就能分享這些東西。關鍵在於，年華似水，有時候你會忘記你曾經是怎麼樣的，或者爲何你和眼前人在一起，日記能幫助你、提醒你。

8. 關心彼此的睡眠需要
時區的不同、時差、或者沒有早茶，這些都是經常會引起你特別不高興的原因。但是，戀情的雙方都不能忘記，人是會累的，也是需要休息的。當你們選擇聊天時間的時候，應該選一個合理的能讓你們都覺得舒服的時間，比如說，香港時間晚上8點是英國時間中午12點，這就很適宜。當我處在比我女朋友早8個小時時區的時候，她正在香港和她的家人在一起。每當她登陸到因特網上，我會拿出一張表來提醒自己香港的當地時間。我把我這樣的做法和她一起分享，而且我們只有在對我們彼此來說都合適的時間裏聊天。

9. 用谷歌地圖來想象下你和他/她之間的距離
明確你們之間的距離是一件很有趣的事情。打開谷歌地圖，輸入你的地址，然後輸入你的另一半的地址。創建一張合成地圖來看看如果你打算用衛星地圖從他/她那兒走回家要怎麼走。

10. 最後，也就是信任彼此
一段戀情中最重要的事情是信任對方。要相信你的愛人所做的是對的，也要相信你所做的是對的。你要認識到，每一對戀人都可能遇到意想不到的問題或困難，他或者她可以在任何時間、任何地方說謊，因爲說到底那是他們的選擇。我們所能做的就是儘可能地做一個在遠方的最好的我們自己。
我希望這些文字將對被距離阻隔的戀人們有所幫助。相信我，長距離的戀愛是值得擁有的。俗話說，“距離產生美”，而守舊的我也相信這個。下次再繼續我們的話題咯！