時尚雙語:完美戀愛關係的10大關鍵

In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.

According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.

1. Tell your partner you love them.

Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.

2. Show some affection.

Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.

3. Show appreciation for your partner.

Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. building a romantic relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.

4. Share yourself.

Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.

5. Be there for your partner.

It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.

6. Give gifts.

Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.

7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.

A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.

8. Make "alone time" a priority.

No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.

9. Take nothing for granted.

Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.

10. Strive for equality.

Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.

當一個人深陷於浪漫的愛情中,對許多小事都變得計較起來.例如,一個口誤或一個鬼臉都能讓一對情人戰鬥一週之久,細小而看起來不重要的動作卻有助於維持彼此的關係保持正常.一件小禮物,一句不加思索的讚美,一會兒身體的接觸,都可以大大地強化愛情.

根據心理學家Nathaniel Branden和Robert Sternberg的介紹,他們都是研究有關浪漫愛情中的挑戰,並撰寫相關的文章.以下少少的興致和感情的表露,(對於維持愛情,)會比一切的積極聆聽和信任遊戲更重要.他們的研究得出維持兩者彼此之間感覺愉快,滿意和高興的10個關鍵.

1.告訴你的伴侶,你愛他/她.

雖然,行動比口號更加有力,但言語往往比行動更清晰.時而,花一點兒時間對你的情人表達你的感受.簡單的一句"我愛你"或"你是我的一切"可以讓你重要的另一伴感到自己是你相要的,關心的和保護的人.

2.表露感情.

小小的親密的身體接觸 --- 漫步在走廊中時用手摟着對方的腰,一起坐在沙發上時用手臂抱着對方的,並排坐時手放在對方的大腿上,逛街時牽着手 --- 能給對方一種溫暖的感覺,也傳達你對其的愛和情感.微不足道的接觸也能是重要的,甚至是比那最長時間的性愛之夜更重要.

3.讚賞對方.

定期地,讓對方知道你最喜歡她/他的什麼地方---你傾慕的東西,令你自豪的東西,對方在你眼中的強項.構建一段浪漫的愛情不是僅僅指剛開始的結合---(也包括)在各自的人生成長過程中,相互鼓勵相互支持.通過不斷地鼓勵,幫助你的情人的發揮自己的潛能.

4.分享自己的一切.

不要對情人隱藏自己的喜愛和厭惡,夢想和恐懼,成功和挫折,以及任何有關自己的東西.如果有什麼事情對你重要,就與情人分享它吧.更重要的是,保證與情人分享得比其他人要多.然而即使在親密的關係中,人也必然需要個人空間,因此你給更多的耐心和時間,對待情人.

5.時刻準備着爲情人服務.

當你的情人面臨一個生命中重大的挑戰時,如失業或所愛的人死去,顯然,你要做一些事情.而當你的情人面臨生活的小挑戰時,你的支持也是一樣重要,如工作爭吵,坐車擁擠,丟了錢.當吵鬧發生時,不要讓自己成爲出氣袋,也確保不要動手或罵人,而只是令你的皮厚一點,並冷靜而有理地解釋.聽一聽什麼令對方煩惱,即使算是同情,你一定會幫助對方.

6.送禮物.

把握機會贈送禮物,以表愛情. 如在書店中找到的好看書,一塊特別的蛋糕,一件首飾或逛街時留意到的衣服---任何小的或大的禮物,都要告訴對方,你在乎他們.(出門時,)給他們留下愛心便箋,或在工作時,一條短信"我愛你".---話說回來,讓他們老是在你的腦海中,也有助於讓你的情人在這段愛情中,自我感覺良好和安全.

7.善待情人的要求和缺點.

愛情的一個大殺手就是不可理喻的異常情況.除非你與一個機器人結婚,否則你的情人天生就會有人的缺點和不足.這些是他們的特點,不是錯誤.學會認識和欣賞情人本來就有的兩面性:一個作爲人而潛在的部分.因爲我們的弱點是由於我們最深處內心的不安.確保你不會指責,也不會縱容情人的缺點.

8.獨處時間優先

無論你們倆的生活多忙,保證你至少一週一個或兩個晚上讓你們單獨在一起.經歷新的事情,分享各自的人生,或僅僅是享受相互之間相伴的感覺.

9.沒什麼是理所當然的.

日常中,培養一種對情人感恩的感覺,數以千記的小小的祝願,會令他或她進入你的生活中.請記住,如果你是愛情中感覺到快樂,那是因爲對方正在爲你的每一天做了許多的小事情,才能讓愛情如此繼續(充滿希望的,你是屬於他們的).不要認爲那是理所當然的 ---愛情是有嚴格準則的事情,當你不遵守時,愛情就會漸漸離你而去.

10.爲平等奮鬥

確保自己在此段感情中遵守了以下黃金定律:像對待自己一樣對待對方.努力讓一個決定變得公平,如家務和其他事情,不要僅僅因爲你不願回報,而期望或要求對方特別的照顧.