男人不該結婚的10大理由(上)

Should you ever get married? Are you a man? Answer the second question first. If the answer to the second question is "Yes", then the obvious answer to the first question is, "NO!" The fact is, marriage has never been all that it's cracked up to be. And in the past few decades, this venerable old institution has actually degenerated even further into an absolute soul and wallet draining waking nightmare, especially for the male of the species.

你該結婚嗎？你是男人嗎？先回答第二個問題。如果第二個答案是"yes"的話，那麼第一個答案明顯是"No"。 實際上，婚姻遠非人們所想。過去幾十年，結婚這種神聖而古老的婚戀習俗已逐漸退化爲一場噩夢，純粹勞力傷財，尤其是對男性來講。

There used to be a great many practical and logistical reasons why marriage was an ideal arrangement (albeit, from vastly different points of view) for both men and women. However, in the 21st century, the majority of those reasons have passed into the murky mists of history. Today, it simply makes more sense not to get married. It's one thing to fall in love, another to surrender your emotional and economic freedom.

曾經，許多現實原因表明婚姻對男女來說都是最理想的安排（儘管從不同方面來講）。然而，在21世紀，大多數這些原因已經消失在歷史的迷霧中。如今，不結婚更合乎情理。畢竟，相愛是一回事， 放棄情感及經濟自由又是另一回事。

's Going To Gain Weight, No Matter What (So Are You, By The Way)

10.不管怎樣，她會增重（隨便提一下，你也會）

If she gets pregnant, she's obviously going to gain weight (Score one for all you Captain Obvious fans). But, even if you remain childless, the both of you are going to gain weight. In fact, in many ways, the first five years of a marriage are a slow but steady race to see who can let themselves go the farthest, for the longest amount of time, with the fewest possible repercussions.

如果她懷孕，那她肯定會增重（這顯而易見）。但即使不要孩子，你倆也會增重。實際上，在很多方面，結婚頭五年像一場緩慢持久的比賽，看誰走得更遠，堅持最久，受影響最小。

According to a recent study conducted by the University of Queensland in Australia, women who live with a partner (in this case, let's go ahead and read husband) tend to gain more weight than women who live completely alone. Is it hard to understand why this should be?

據澳大利亞昆士蘭大學的一項最新研究表明，與伴侶同住的女性（這種情況，我們可進一步稱之爲丈夫）比獨居的女性更易增重。很難理解爲什麼是這樣嗎？

No, it really isn't. The fact is, women who are in a secure, exclusive, and committed relationship, particularly one that has been formalized with a legal ceremony and a wedding ring, feel no twinge of guilt whatsoever in gradually letting of the svelte little bod they had on offer back in your courtin' days. And, honestly, are they wrong? Is a gain of ten pounds going to nullify your wedding vows? Do you have a leg to stand on in court over this trifling matter?

不，不難理解。實際上，處於安全、專一、忠誠的男女關係中的女性，尤其是舉行過婚禮、佩戴婚戒的已婚女士，完全不會爲失去熱戀期間小巧、曼妙的身姿而痛心、愧疚。但實話說，她們（這樣）有錯嗎？增重十磅違背結婚誓言了嗎？你會爲這區區小事而對簿公堂嗎？

Of course, the female side is taking the brunt of the argument in this particular scenario precisely because this article is being written from the male point of view. Trust us, tough guy, women notice when you pack on the pounds as well.

當然，這篇文章從男性角度來講，女性無疑是爭論焦點。相信我，型男，你增重時，女士也會格外注意。

iage Shuts Down All Other Possible Options, Permanently

9.婚姻永久斬斷一切其他可能

Not sure what you're getting into? Don't know how you really feel about not having the luxury of keeping all your other options open? Not keen on consigning your "Little Black Book" to the flames? In short, are you getting more than just the normally described case of cold feet over you impending nuptials?

不確定你會面對什麼？不知道放棄其他一切可能感覺如何？不想把"愛情黑名單"付之一炬？簡言之，你比普通所說的婚前恐懼感受更深嗎？

If this is the case, it's more than an ominous sign for the future of your marriage. We'd say it's more in the line of a direct express telegram from the Bachelor Deity, warning you to shake off the chains before they bind you fast in the fetters of unsuitable monogamy.

假如真是如此，那麼這遠不止是你婚姻生活的不祥之兆。在神學士的自白表達中更爲多見，警告你趕緊鬆手，以免陷入婚姻的枷鎖，被一夫一妻制所轄制。

Marriage means an end to all the casual dates (and the casual sex). Marriage means that you wake up with the same person, morning after morning, after love making, after arguing, after many nights of sheer, soul lacerating boredom. Marriage demands the state of monogamy, which, from a male point of view, may as well be more accurately labeled, "monotony". It's the end of your freedom and all of your options.

婚姻意味着所有臨時約會（和隨意性交）的終結。結婚意味着你在隨後無數個早晨都將和同一個女人一起醒來，不管你們昨晚是做愛，吵架還是無聊至極。婚姻需要"一夫一妻"，從男性角度講，"單調乏味"也許更爲貼切。婚姻是你自由和所有選擇的終點。

To put it bluntly, when you enter into the bonds of marriage, you're stuck with each other, until death do you part. There's a reason that these phrases sound so ominous and so final – they're designed to be. Of course, nowadays the radical cure of divorce is far more easily available than it used to be. But if you're already reassuring yourself with such thoughts this early in the game, it's just another little hint that you really aren't ready for the big commitment.

說穿了，步入婚姻，夫妻雙方彼此束縛，只有死亡纔可分離。這話聽起來很不妙也很絕對—因爲它們註定如此。當然，如今離婚處理起來比以往容易得多。但還未結婚你就用這樣的想法給自己打氣，這隻能說你還沒爲婚姻做好充分準備。

ing Shacked Up Will Empty Your Wallet For Years To Come

8.就同居這事兒，就能讓你窮上好幾年

The average total cost of a wedding in the United States is currently in excess of $30,000.

現如今，在美國，平均的婚禮開支已經超過了三萬美元。

According to a recent survey published by CNN on their official website, the total costs of the average American wedding break down as follows:

CNN在其官方網站上進行了一項調查發現，美國人的婚禮開支由以下幾個部分構成：

$14,000 to rent the venue where the event will be held.

婚禮場地租金：14000美元

$5,800 to buy the ring.

婚戒：5800美元

$3,500 to hire the band.

樂隊：3500美元

$68 catering costs per invitee.

酒席：68美元/人

$439 per printed wedding invitation.

請帖：439美元/版

$275 per set of miscellaneous party favors.

特色婚禮小禮品：275美元/套

An average of 43 percent of the total cost of the wedding will be paid for by the parents of the bride, which leaves someone else – namely, you – on the hook for the remaining 57 percent. Greater minds than yours have furrowed their brows in despair at the escalating costs and the long years of their lives about to spent in making payments on a plan. While many have survived this ultimate ordeal, there are plenty more who wonder what demon whispered in their ear to make them sign on the dotted line and wreck their lives.

一般來說，新娘的父母會支付43%的婚禮開支，這就意味着，剩下的57%由你解決。比你更聰明的人也難免因開支增長或多年縮衣節食度日而失望、頭大。儘管很多人把這些都挺過去了，但是更多人還是想知道他們是怎麼鬼使神差地在結婚文件上籤了字，以致摧毀了自己的後半生。

It's easy to see why many young people of marriageable age choose not to tie the knot. It simply costs too much! Being tied to a payment plan is no one's idea of a good start to any relationship, particularly one that is scheduled to last for the rest of your natural lives. In fact, there's only one thing that costs more than marriage: Divorce.

很多適婚年輕男女選擇不結婚其實很好理解，只因婚姻實在成本過高！想到要縮衣節食、量米度日，誰還有心思開展人際交往，更不用說要共度餘生了！實際上，世上僅有一件事比結婚成本更高—那就是離婚！

iage Is Essentially Nothing More Than A Blizzard Of Paperwork

7.除了一紙婚書，婚姻再無意義

Remember when you first decided – or someone decided for you in terms resembling an "offer you couldn't refuse" – that it was time to get married? Remember all of the paper work you had to fill out? Blood tests, marriage license, all sorts of other forms and miscellaneous legal formalities – it's only the tip of the iceberg, friend. Indeed, there is much, much more to come.

還記得什麼時候自己第一次覺得該嫁娶妻了嗎？還記得哪天別人開始義正言辭得說"你該成家了"嗎? 還記得你曾填過的各式文件嗎？血液檢查、結婚證、各類表格和繁雜法律手續—-這只不過是冰山一角罷了。要知道你（如果結婚）要面對的，遠不止這些。

When it's time to fill out all the forms for your newly opened joint bank account, you'll be signing your life – and an inevitably large chunk of your future finances – drearily away. When it's time to fill out all the paper work for your shared health insurance, you'll be sighing away as more precious hours of your life pass by. And there's more, much more, to come.

當你填寫新開的聯合銀行賬戶表格時，你的生活—未來的大筆財富也同時消失在你的筆尖下。當你簽下共享健康保險時，你將感嘆美好時光一去不復返。還有太多太多即將發生。

When you really stop to take a good hard look at it all – and we imagine you're doing so now as you read this – you'll realize that the state of being married is essentially a large, formally legal, fiction. Does being married solve all of your intense personal issues, or does it merely create new and less immediately solvable problems?

若你停下來認真審視這一切—設想你現在應該已經這樣做了—你會意識到婚姻其實不過是部長篇（合法的）虛幻小說而已。結婚真能解決所有緊張的人際關係嗎？還是，它僅僅是製造了新的、不需要馬上解決的問題罷了?

Does the fact that the two of you have cosigned a marriage license really make you that much more in love with, and committed to, each other? Whose idea was it to sign this paper, anyhow? Yours? Your spouses? Her parents? Was it peer pressure from your friends or your church? This is a question worth inquiring into.

結婚證真的能夠讓你們更愛對方或者更忠於對方嗎？到底是誰讓你們決定領證？你？你老婆？她的父母？你的朋友或教會？這真是個值得探究的問題。

iage Means Sticking To The Plan – No More Spontaneity

6.婚姻跟着計劃走——再無激情

Do you enjoy going crazy on the weekend? Driving up to Brooklyn on a whim and partying with your best friend's brother's cousin's uncle's boss' nephew at a new Italian themed night club that just opened up? If so, plan on never doing so again. You've got a wife to come home to, paper work to fill out, dinner to eat, dishes to clean, television shows to watch, and a full night of doing exactly what you did the previous four nights to look forward to. Sounds great, huh? It's your life when you're married, partner.

你喜歡週末狂歡嗎？比如一時興起直接開車去布魯克林，在一家新開的意大利主題夜總會和你好朋友的兄弟的表弟的叔叔的老闆的侄子開派對？如果你喜歡這樣，那就做好與此絕別的打算。你有老婆，得回；你有工作，得做；你有晚飯，得吃；你有盤子，得刷；你有節目，得看；你有一個與前四天如出一轍的夜晚，來期盼。聽上去不錯是吧？這就是你的婚後生活了，夥計。

Sure, you'll hear about married couples who manage to keep the "spontaneity" alive in their marriage. These are Fortune 500 execs and hotel heiresses who can afford to fly (frequently separately) to any breezy location in the world that they please. The rest of us don't have it so good. Spontaneity is a dead letter in a middle class marriage. What truly prevails is routine, and the desperate need to play things safely so as not to introduce some new and terrifying pretense for misunderstanding and resultant bickering.

當然，你會聽說有些已婚夫婦在婚後依舊充滿"激情"。世界五百強的老闆們或者酒店繼承者們完全可以如其所願地（經常是兵分兩路地）飛到世界上任何一個如沐春風的地方，而我們卻不能。所謂激情對中產階級夫婦來說一紙空文，實際上一切仍按照既有路線發生着，即便分開玩也要玩得小心翼翼，避免出現新情況，還要謹慎僞裝自己，以免引起誤會最終導致爭吵。

If you have children, you can count on the drudgery to become even worse. You can't have a babysitter in every night if you expect to actually get to know your children. And, for obvious reasons, you can't be partying on the other side of town when they are going through their first few pivotal life events. While witnessing these events is certainly a rewarding experience, the monotony that surrounds them may prove unendurable.

如果家中有孩子，那就視自己如苦工並接受更悲慘的生活吧。你要是想真正瞭解自己的孩子，就不能天天晚上請保姆。而另個顯而易見的理由，你不能因爲在城市的另一頭開派對而錯過孩子生命中至關重要的第一次。縱然看着孩子的這些第一次彌足珍貴，但圍繞在周身的枯燥恐怕依舊難以忍耐。

審校:郗莉紅 編輯:旭旭 來源:前十網