支招：如何把愛你的女人永遠留在身邊
As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous issues. While many situations are complex, there's one profoundly simple truth that men need to know: Women leave men they love.
作爲一個爲陷入情感危機的男女提供幫助的婚姻顧問，我幫助客戶處理過無數問題。雖然很多情況都很複雜，但有一件極爲簡單的事男人需要知道：女人會離開她們深愛的男人。
They feel terrible about it. It tears their heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives.
她們會很痛苦，撕心裂肺，但依然會這樣做。她們會重拾勇氣和安慰，然後離開。女人會離開那個和她共同撫育子女、經營家庭、一起生活過的男人。
Women leave for many reasons, but there's one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand: Women leave because their man is not present. He's working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, list is long. These aren't bad men. They're good men. They're good fathers. They support their family. They're nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. They're not present.
女人離開有很多原因，但其中有一個尤其讓我難以忘懷，這也是我想讓男人們明白的：女人離開是因爲這個男人總不在身邊。他要工作、打高爾夫、玩遊戲、看電視、釣魚……他們總有很多事。他們也不是不好，都是好男人、好父親，他們會養家、人好、人緣好，卻認爲妻子做什麼都理所當然，總是不陪在妻子身邊。
Men, I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm telling you what I see. You can get as angry, hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment after moment. You win her over first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel that you're listening to her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devil's advocate.
男人們，我不是在評價這種情況好壞與否，我說的都是我所見到的。你可以盡情地生氣、傷感或義憤填膺。妻子不是你的財產，她的靈魂不歸你所有，你需要一天一天、一點點地努力去贏得，首先要用你的陪伴、你的活力去贏得她的芳心。她需要感覺到，她想跟你聊對她重要的東西，並且要感受到你在傾聽，而不是禮貌性地點頭、安撫，當然更不能唱反調。
She wants you to feel her. She doesn't want absent-minded groping or quick sex. She wants to feel your passion. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it.
她想要你感受到她，不想要心不在焉的撫摸或快餐式的性愛，她想感受到你的激情。你有激情嗎？這是你所擁有的最有吸引力的東西。如果你失去了激情，爲什麼？激情去哪兒了？你要弄明白並找回激情。
If you think you're present with your wife, try listening to her. Does your mind wander? Notice. When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual. If she asks what you're doing, tell her: "I'm looking into you. I want to see you deeply. I'm curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are, every day." But only say it if you mean it.
如果你認爲妻子是上天對你的饋贈，你就要試着去傾聽。你是不是走神了？注意力要集中。你注視她的時候，能看到她的內心深處嗎？再仔細看看，要看得更深。和她雙目對視，而且時間要比平時長。如果她問你在做什麼，就跟她說：“我在觀察你，我想看透你。我好奇你到底什麼樣。在一起這麼多年了，但我仍然每天都想知道你是什麼樣的人。”你說這些話一定要發自肺腑。
Touch her with your full attention. Before you put your hand on her, notice the sensation in your hand. Notice what happens the moment you make contact. What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions. Tell her everything you're noticing, moment after moment.
全神貫注地觸碰她，手放在她身上之前，你要注意自己手上的感覺，注意你碰到她的那一刻發生了什麼，你身上有什麼變化？你感覺到了什麼？你要注意到最細微的感覺和情緒。你無時無刻都要告訴她你注意到的一切。
But you're busy. You don't have time for all this. How about five minutes? Five minutes a day. Will you commit to that? I'm talking about five minutes a day to be completely present with the woman you share your life with. To be completely open -- listening and seeing without judgement. Will you do that? I bet once you start, once you get a taste, you won't want to stop.
但你很忙，沒有時間去做所有這些事。那麼5分鐘怎麼樣？每天抽出5分鐘，你能保證嗎？我說的是一天抽出5分鐘全部用來陪伴和你共度一生的女人。完全敞開你的心扉，不帶任何評價地傾聽、注視她。你能做到嗎？我打賭你一旦開始這樣做、嚐到這樣做的甜頭，你就再也不想停下來了。
