如何提高人際吸引力：這招社交法則讓你人見人愛

我們身邊總有些社交達人，無論和誰都能迅速熱絡攀談，他們深諳人際交往之道，三言兩語便可討得對方歡心。要想和他們一樣人見人愛，其實也不難。除了微笑、讚美幾個常見套路之外，你還需要發自內心地相信你是人見人愛的。因爲當你認爲別人會喜歡你時，你會表現得更自然，看起來更友善，這會讓你更討喜。

If you want to make a great first impression -- and why wouldn't you? -- you know there are basic steps you can take: Smile, make eye contact, listen more than you talk, ask questions about the other person. Anyone can do those things.

衆所周知，如果想給人留下良好的第一印象（爲什麼不呢？），你可以採取以下幾個常規套路：微笑，眼神交流，少說多聽，向對方提問。這些是每個人都能做到的。

But what you might not know is that if you think other people are going to like you, they usually will.

但你可能不知道，如果你心裏認爲對方會喜歡你，通常對方真的會喜歡你。

As research shows, interpersonal warmth explains the self-fulfilling prophecy of anticipated acceptance; study participants who expected to be accepted were perceived as more likable. (Or in non-researcher speak, when you think other people will like you, you act more naturally and come across as friendlier -- which then makes people like you more since we tend to like warm, friendly people.)

研究表明，人際溫暖解釋了自我應驗的預期接納預言；希望被認可的研究對象被認爲更討人喜歡。（用通俗的語言解釋，就是當你認爲別人會喜歡你時，你會表現得更自然，看起來更友善——這會讓你更討人喜歡，因爲人們通常更青睞熱情友好的人。）

All of which sounds great, but the trick, when you're shy or insecure, is actually believing that other people will like you. When you're in an unfamiliar setting or an uncomfortable position, it's a lot easier to assume people won't like you.

這聽起來很有道理，但這個方法要你在害羞或不安時，真心相信別人會喜歡你。可是當你身處一個陌生環境或尷尬境地時，更容易假設對方不會喜歡你。

So how can you convince yourself that people will like you? Positive self-talk ("They're going to love me!") won't cut it.

那你怎麼能說服自己是人見人愛的呢？積極的自我對話（“他們會愛我的！”）是不夠的。

Instead, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and commit to taking a few steps that ensure almost anyone will like you. (When results are basically guaranteed, it's easy to feel more confident and self-assured.)

你可以做的是，閉上眼睛，深吸一口氣，並堅持使用幾個讓你人見人愛的招數。（當效果基本上得到保證時，你會更容易保持自信感。）

1. Give a genuine compliment.

真誠的讚美。

Everyone loves to be praised, especially since no one gets enough praise.

每個人都喜歡接受表揚，尤其現在每個人得到的讚美似乎都不夠。

Show interest by asking questions. But go past, "What do you do?" Ask what it's like to do what the person does. Ask what's hard about it. Ask what the person loves about it. You'll soon find things to compliment.

通過提問表現出興趣。但不要細問對方“你是做什麼的？”，問問從事這份工作是什麼感覺，有什麼困難之處，喜歡哪些方面。你很快就會發現值得讚美的地方。

2. Focus on letting people talk about themselves.

着重讓人們談論自己。

People love to talk about themselves. (And even if they didn't, they can't help it.)

人們喜歡談論自己。（即使他們不喜歡，也會情不自禁。）

Research shows approximately 40 percent of everyday speech is spent telling other people what we think or feel -- basically, talking about our subjective experiences.

研究表明，人們的日常會話有40%的內容是在向別人講述自己的想法或感受，基本上談論的都是自己的主觀經歷。

In fact, we almost can't help sharing our thoughts and feelings: Research also shows that talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, triggers the same pleasure sensation in the brain as does money or food.

事實上，我們幾乎忍不住要分享自己的想法和感受：研究還顯示，無論是在生活中還是在社交網絡上表達自己，都會讓大腦產生一種愉悅感，這種感覺和大腦受到金錢或食物刺激時產生的愉悅感相同。

By helping people talk about themselves, you're seen as a great conversationalist even when you actually say very little. And in the process, you also make other people feel better about themselves, which makes them like you.

讓人們表達自我，這樣即使你說的很少，也會被視爲一個優秀的健談者。而在這個過程中，你還讓對方自我感覺良好，讓自己更討喜。

That's another win-win.

這是另一個雙贏的做法。

3. Change one word.

換一種說法。

Think about the difference in these statements:

想一想下面這些說法的區別：

"I had to go to a meeting."

“我得去開會。”

"I got to meet with some great people."

“我要和一些優秀的人見面。”

"I have to interview some candidates for a job."

“我得面試一些求職者。”

"I get to select a great person to join our team."

“我要選擇一個優秀的人加入我們的團隊。”

No big deal, right? Wrong. We like to be around happy, enthusiastic, and motivated people.

沒什麼區別，是嗎？錯了。我們喜歡身邊人是快樂、熱情、積極的。

Keep in mind choosing the right words also affects how you feel. Don't say, "I have to go to the gym." Say, "I want to go to the gym."

記住，選擇恰當的言辭也會影響你的感受。不要說：“我不得不去健身房。”而是說：“我想去健身房。”

4. Show a little vulnerability.

稍微示弱。

Great teams are often led by people willing to admit weaknesses and failings. Great friends are also willing to be vulnerable.

優秀團隊的領導者通常願意承認缺點和失敗。好的朋友也願意展示脆弱的一面。

Want to make a great first impression? Don't try to impress. Instead, be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. Laugh at yourself.

想給人留下良好的第一印象嗎？不要試圖驚豔對方。相反，要謙虛。分享你的糗事。承認你的錯誤。做反面教材，學會自嘲。

When you do, other people won't laugh at you. They'll laugh with you.

當你這樣做的時候，別人不會嘲笑你。他們會和你一起笑。

And they'll immediately like you, and want to be around you more.

他們會立刻喜歡上你，並且更想和你呆在一起。