支招單身人士:如何輕鬆約會成功?

“身體語言”這一類詞兒我們早就聽得耳朵長繭了，然而，你真的知道別人對你源源不斷，孜孜不倦地散發的那些氣場到底暗示着什麼嗎？

Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another. No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.

交流這種事情其實最糾結了，總是有人嘴上說着一套，心裏想着一套。怪不得很多單身人士都抱怨說不知道約會對象到底在想什麼。不過其實只要摸清了一些非語言表達方式的含義，那麼看清對方的心思也沒那麼難。

The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.

我們蒐集了衆多單身人士的約會資料，情景再現般地教給大家怎樣破譯約會的謎題。

1. Eye contact

四目相對型

When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking? When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity. Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.

當你們並肩而坐侃侃而談之時，你有沒有注意過他/她的眼睛？如果對方兩眼一直關懷着你，那麼他/她必然是對你有好感，表示他/她很享受交流的過程，同時你還能看到對方內心深處的坦誠與真摯。反之，如果他/她就是不願擡眼跟你對望，那麼對方要麼就是對你沒有好感、提不起興趣，要麼就是害羞。是不是害羞一般而言比較容易看出來。

2. Restlessness

坐立不安型

Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation. What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else. This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.

跟這種人約會過嗎？男的坐立不安，神情恍惚；女的一會看錶，一會提包。這種情況都不需要解釋，兩種可能，一是他/她對你沒有興趣，再者就是他/她心裏有事兒，身在曹營心在漢。

3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you

左顧右盼型

Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room? This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you. It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn't been completely honest/ candid with you.

想想看你好不容易約上一個他/她出來，對方卻一直關注着周圍來來往往的人羣，沒人可看時就從天花板到地磚縫上下前後得瞄。你說悲哀不悲哀。這顯示了對方對你不感興趣，可能是覺着跟你在一起不舒服，或者乾脆就是躲避跟你談話。反過來，你怎麼看他/她？那就是，不值得信任，至少不是那種實實誠誠的敞亮人兒。

4. Is noticeably quiet

難開尊口型

Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes. If your date has little to say to you what does this mean? Maybe they are just not very interested in you. Perhaps they don't think you would care to hear what they have to say. Maybe they think you wouldn't appreciate hearing what they are really thinking. Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood. Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.

沉默，只是沉默，此時無聲勝有聲。相顧無言其實能說明很多事。如果你的約會對象跟你玩沉默，這能反映什麼問題？可能是他/她對你沒興趣，或者是她認爲你不太願意聽她的娓娓道來，再就是他怕自己滔滔不絕的一大堆到你這裏會沒有反應，又或者他/她是情緒不佳呢。局勢複雜，只有當事者能看清。所以，別對沉默草率地下結論，因爲你很可能就看錯了。

5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture

身體僵硬型

You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations. You fold your arms tightly across your chest. You stiffen your spine. You tightly cross your legs. You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing. You lean away from the person you are with.

在一個不自在的場合下，相信你也有類似的舉動：脊樑骨發僵，雙臂交叉放在胸前，雙腿併攏腳下吃勁，面對面時打偏座避免直面對方，並排坐時會下意識地把身體往反方向躲……等等。

Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good. You lean forward. Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person. You face the other person directly. Your posture is relaxed and at ease.

反之如果環境和交流讓你感到輕鬆，上面這些舉動就全部會倒過來。你會肘臂前傾，身體放鬆，面向對方體態舒展，整個人處於自然輕鬆的狀態。

It's fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture. The other person feels uncomfortable They aren't open to the interaction with you. They would rather not be there.

防禦性的姿態很好分辨，如果對方跟你一起感到不快，他自然不會放鬆舒展，事實上，他們巴不得立刻逃離你身邊。

6. Physical Contact

摸摸碰碰型

Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch. If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure. He may also be shy, but you would already know that.

諸多交往手段中，可能最不容易誤解的就是身體接觸了。簡單一例，如果你約會的男朋友迴避跟你牽手或者不願意摟你，那麼他要麼是對你不感冒，要麼是對你倆的關係不確定。當然，他仍然可能是因爲害羞，不過真如此的話你也早該心裏有數了。

If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don't say.

如果你察覺到你的那個他/她有所變化，比如在眼神交流、體態動作、對你的關注、陪你的時間、耐性或者是溝通技巧方面出現異常，那就要注意了，他們對你的好感可能有轉變。不要着急對一種異常下結論，如果以上現象出現兩個以上，那你可要注意防範他/她變心走人了。所以，觀察的要點是言行一致，表裏如一，雙管齊下，雙重考量。