10個關於家暴的驚人事實(上)

According to the CDC, roughly 10 million people every year are subject to spousal abuse of some kind, and this doesn't even count the abuse numbers perpetrated against children by a battering parent. Domestic violence is a huge problem, and shutting it down while also dealing with the spread is an issue society has been trying to get a handle on for some time now.

據美國疾病控制與預防中心數據顯示，每年約有一千萬人均不同程度地遭到來自配偶的暴力侵犯，這個數字還不包括那些受到父母虐待的兒童的數量。家庭暴力是一個嚴重的問題，在阻止家暴發生的同時也要防止其擴散，這也是社會亟待解決的問題。

As we talk about below, there are many disturbing facts surrounding domestic abuse, and those who perpetuate it. Some of these facts make it difficult to stop the abusers, or end the cycle of violence, and some of the laws meant to protect everyone make it easier for the abuser to continue harming others, walking free of consequences.

下面我們談論的一系列有關家庭暴力和施暴者的事件，都令人痛心。其中一些事件使得阻止施暴者或終止家暴循環變得困難，而有些法律原本旨在保護每一個人，卻使施暴者可以肆無忌憚地傷害他人而不受法律約束。

ntimes Victims Of Abuse Grow Up To Be Abusers Themselves

10.經常遭到家暴的人長大後會成爲施暴者

Many people would like to think that the world is a bright and shiny place where people who go through horrible things learn from it and would never imagine doing it to others. Sadly, this isn't really the world we live in. While the majority of people who are abused do manage to break the cycle, there is a cycle and the amount of people who get caught up in it is rather alarming. Statistics peg the amount of abused children who grow up to be abusers themselves as somewhere between 30-40%, which is a much higher number than many of us are comfortable with.

許多人以爲這是個光明燦爛的世界，那些經歷了可怕事情的人們會從中吸取教訓，再也不會想到對別人做相同的事。可悲的是，我們所在的真實世界並非如此。雖然大多數受虐者想方設法去打破這個暴力循環，但有仍有很多人深陷其中，且數量驚人。有數據表明，曾遭受過虐待的兒童中，有30-40%的人長大後會成爲施暴者，這一數字比許多人所認爲的要高得多。

The truth is that development as a young child is crucially important and children who are abused learn violence at an early age, and also often don't have very secure attachments with their parents, which makes it harder for them to form secure attachments with their children later on. Experts believe with proper intervention and education that more people can break the cycle, but it is an uphill battle. Someone who has been abused at an early age has already gone through great trauma, and helping them get the help they need as early on in life as possible is paramount.

實際上，兒童時期的發展至關重要，受虐兒童在年幼時就學會了暴力，這使他們無法與父母形成牢固的安全依附型關係，在今後也難以與其他同齡人形成這種關係。專家認爲，通過適當的干預和教育，能讓更多的人打破暴力循環，但這項工作非常艱難。一個在幼年就遭受家暴的人已經遭受了巨大的創傷，而儘早向他們施以援手是至關重要的。

Domestic Abuse Victims Come To Believe They Deserve It

9.許多家暴受害人逐漸認爲自己受罰是應該的

Many people who are abused will stay with the person hurting them long past when they really should, leading those who have never been in such a situation to ask "why did you not leave?" Many simply do not understand the reasons it can occur, but guilt and lack of self esteem is one of the biggest. The person manipulating them will often go to great pains to bring down their sense of self worth, make them feel like they are useless, or only worthwhile when the abuser gives them their praise and 'love'. This means since the abuse victim is trained not to believe the abuser could be doing anything wrong, as they are needed and important in their life, they convince themselves that they are doing wrong and deserving of the abuse.

許多受虐者會一直和傷害他們的人在一起，那些從未經歷過家庭暴力的人會提出疑問：“你爲什麼不一走了之？”很多人並不理解家暴發生的原因，不過內疚感和缺乏自尊是最重要的原因之一。那些想要操控他們的人會費盡心力地削減受虐者的自我價值感，讓他們覺得自己一無是處，只有當施暴者給予他們讚揚和所謂的“愛”時才能找到一絲存在價值。這也意味着受虐者洗腦式地認爲施暴者做什麼都是對的，他們對自己非常重要，而自己犯了錯受到打罵是理所應當的。

This leads them to lose more self esteem, makes them less likely to seek help, and firmly puts them in the clutches of the predator controlling them. Since they are convinced they deserve it, their tormenter can pretty much do what they want, and they will still think they are the one who did wrong. Anyone who is abused should remember that you never deserve abuse, it is never your fault, and even if you have made excuses for them in the past, or allowed them to get away with it before, it is still wrong and they have no right to violate you in any way.

這導致他們越來越沒有自尊，更不會去求助了，而施暴者就像對待獵物一樣把他們牢牢控制在自己手中。既然受虐者都覺得自己受罰是理所應當，那些施暴者便更加爲所欲爲，而此時受虐者還覺得是自己做錯了事。遭受過虐待的人都應該記住：你永遠都不該受到虐待，這絕對不是你的錯，即使你曾爲他們找藉口開脫，或者眼看着他們逃脫法律制裁，但家暴依舊是不對的，不管怎樣他們都沒有權利侵犯你。

Abusers Walk Free Because They Convinced Their Victim To Recant Their Testimony

8.許多施暴者說服受害人撤回作證而逃脫法律制裁

Domestic abusers usually finally get caught because there is a disturbance heard by the neighbors and the police are called, or the victim finally decides to call themelves. In these situations, there is often an arrest made, and the police will take a statement from the victim. This witness statement is important in taking down the abuser and getting them locked up where they belong, but sadly the abuser often walks free. Many victims are either attached to the person who abused them, or somehow fear retribution, and end up later recanting their testimony.

家暴者最後通常被捕，因爲鄰居們會因受到驚擾而報警，或由受害者親自報警。在這些情況下，警察通常會拘捕施暴者，並從受害者那裏得到一份證詞。這份證詞對於指控施暴者尤爲重要，甚至能讓他們蹲監獄，但遺憾的是施暴者常能逍遙法外。很多受害者要麼依附於施暴者生活，要麼害怕被報復，最終他們會撤回證詞。

This makes it very hard for the prosecutors to really go forward with the case, and it often means the abuser goes entirely scot free. To make matters worse, in these situations, the abuse victim nearly always ends up back with the abuser. In some situations, this means the batterer is still also around the children as well – if there are any. It is simply far too easy for testimony to be recanted later after the victim has had too much time to think about how they might want to protect their abuser from the law – clearly this needs to change. Prosecutors need better methods to bring airtight cases, so that one issue like that doesn't leave a violent and dangerous person free to do what they wish.

這讓檢察官們很難真正地跟進案件，也意味着施暴者能逃脫法律制裁。更糟糕的是，如此一來，受害者最終又回到了施暴者身邊。有時這意味着孩子們可能依舊在遭受家暴。在有時間思考如何保護施暴者不受法律制裁後，受害人極其容易撤回證詞——很顯然需要扭轉這種情況。檢察官要把案件處理得更加嚴密，這樣至少能讓那些危險的家暴狂無法隨心所欲地施暴。

Can Also Be Victims Of Domestic Abuse, But Are Much Less Likely To Report It

7.男性也會成爲家暴受害者，但甚少公開

When anyone talks about men being victims of domestic violence, people either tend to think of it as a joke, they think you are talking about gay men, or they are a men's rights activist trying to make a point. However, sadly while many people do not take it seriously, domestic abuse against males is far more common than most people would think. Overall, while most people would think women make up the vast majority, men actually make up about 40% of domestic abuse victims. Unlike women, though, they are much less likely to report it. Many men are afraid they simply will not be taken seriously, told to man up, or other comments that assume a man is not capable of being abused by another person, especially a woman.

當有人說男性是家庭暴力的受害者時，人們要麼把它當作笑話，以爲你是在談論同性戀者，要麼以爲你是一個想要表明觀點的維權人士。其實男性遭受家庭暴力的情況遠比許多人所想象的更普遍，但可悲的是，大部分人沒把這當回事。總體而言，人們大多認爲家庭暴力的受害者多爲女性，實際上有40%爲男性。但和女性不同，男性很少公開自己受到家暴。許多男性擔心自己的遭遇得不到重視，就算告訴他人，也沒人相信男人會受到別人尤其是受到女性的虐待。

For gay men, it can be an even more difficult situation. Many people do not approve of their relationship to begin with, which narrows down the amount of people they can talk to. A lot of people do not respect gay people, or think that one is the "woman" in a relationship and will often play it off that way as well. More often than not whether straight or gay, the man will simply not report it out of shame, because society teaches men they are supposed to look and act tough at all times. Sadly, this means many men who are abused are not getting the help they need, and are continually victimized.

對男性同性戀者而言，處境可能更艱難，很多人不認同他們的這種關係，因此他們能交流傾訴的對象就更少了。很多人不尊重同性戀者，認爲在戀愛關係中“女性”的一方也經常會鬧彆扭。出於羞愧，同性戀或異性戀中的男性一方通常不會公開自己遭到家暴，因爲社會教導他們在任何時候都要堅強。可悲的是，這意味着許多受到家暴的男性會更加孤立無助，不斷受到傷害。

Victims Of Abuse Stay For Their Kids

6.許多家暴受害者爲了孩子而選擇留下

Many people wonder why domestic abuse victims stay, and one of the most common ones is actually for the children. Many victims are worried that if they leave, there will be no buffer between the kids and the batterer. To make matters worse, if the victim leaves without taking the kids with them, the abuser can harm the kids in their absence. However, if the victim takes the children without first getting proper orders from the court, this could be used against them so the abuser can end up with legal custody – this puts the victim in a really tight position.

很多人想知道爲什麼家暴受害人會選擇留下，最主要的原因之一就是爲了孩子。大部分受害人擔心一旦自己離開，孩子會完全暴露在施暴人面前。更糟的是，如果受害人沒有帶着孩子一起離開，施暴者就會傷害他們的孩子。然而，如果受害者沒有事先得到法院的正式許可就私自帶孩子離開，施暴者便能得到孩子的法定監護權，如此一來反而對受害者不利，他們更會如坐鍼氈。

They essentially have to get in touch with the police and press charges, knowing the abuser could harm the children or themselves while awaiting full court proceedings – which can take some time. In many situations the victim is horrified that the abuser will go crazy when the game is up and become incredibly violent and dangerous. With the law not working as fast as they would prefer, many simply stay silent and try to protect their kids and take the anger and blows for them. They are gripped in fear by a monster who wants to control them, and are often left with very few options open to them.

受害者必須聯繫警方並正式提起訴訟，因爲他們知道，等待法庭審理需要一段時日，在此期間，他們自己或孩子可能會受到施暴者的傷害。當審判接近尾聲，在很多情況下，施暴者會變得喪心病狂，甚至窮兇極惡到讓人難以置信的地步，受害者會因此膽戰心驚。由於法律的生效速度不盡如人意，許多受害人只能依舊保持沉默，並且爲了保護孩子而承受施暴者的橫眉豎目和拳打腳踢。一個怪獸妄圖控制他們於鼓掌之中，被這樣的恐懼深深籠罩，他們的出路卻寥寥無幾。