幽默英語冷笑話12篇
下面是本站小編整理的幽默英語冷笑話，希望大家會喜歡!
幽默英語冷笑話：The teacher cried 老師哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛，寵愛) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂髮脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵着他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。
他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：“學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?”
“哭?”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”
幽默英語冷笑話：Which Month Did He Go Away
When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?
傑克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。於是便有好心的人教他說，下次鞠躬的時候，你就在心裏數：一月、二月、……一直數到十二月爲止，然後再直起身來。這樣，禮節就周全了。
第二天，傑克見到他的叔叔，他便如法炮製。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開了。傑克擡頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問過路人：我叔叔幾月走的?
幽默英語冷笑話：Big hands 大手
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.
老師：如果我左手上有7個桔子，右手上有8個桔子。那麼我有什麼?
學生：大手。
幽默英語冷笑話：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."
"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.
"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。”
“不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。
“那麼，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說。
幽默英語冷笑話：Its part of the game 我在扮演媽媽
Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
媽媽：瑪麗，你爲什麼這樣大喊大叫的? 爲什麼不能像艾迪那樣安安靜靜的玩兒呢?你看艾迪一聲兒都不出。
瑪麗：媽媽，艾迪當然不會出聲了，因爲我們倆正在玩爸爸回家遲到的遊戲呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。
幽默英語冷笑話：I Taught the Teacher 我教老師
Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母親問她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什麼?
兒子驕傲地說：什麼都沒教，媽媽。她反倒問我一加二等於幾，我告訴她等於三。
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?
幽默英語冷笑話：The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關係，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
幽默英語冷笑話：Where's the father? 父親在哪?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了一會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
幽默英語冷笑話：Two Pieces of Cake 兩塊蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!
幽默英語冷笑話：what do I get 我能得到什麼
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: her: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?湯米：四塊。老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什麼呢?湯米：漢堡。
幽默英語冷笑話：他正在拍照
Two sisters were looking at a book of religious pictures and came across a painting of the Virgin and the baby Jesus.
姐妹倆在看一本宗教畫冊時，剛好看到一幅聖母瑪利亞和聖嬰耶穌的圖畫。
"See there," said the older sister, "that's Jesus, and that's his mother."
姐姐說：“瞧，這是耶穌，這是他的媽媽。”
"Where's his dad?" the younger girl wanted to know.
“他的爸爸在哪裏?”妹妹想知道。
Her sister thought for a moment and explained, "Oh, he's taking the picture."
姐姐想了一會兒，解釋道：“噢，他正在拍照。”
幽默英語冷笑話：小孩你到底要鬧那樣
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest boy and returned to her.
一位女士聖誕節購物時丟了錢包。一個誠實的小男孩撿到了錢包，還給了她。
Looking in her purse, she commented, "'s funny. When I lost my purse there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
她看了看錢包，說：“嗯……真有趣。我丟錢包時，裏面有一張20元的鈔票。現在卻有20張一元的鈔票。”
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
那個男孩馬上回答說：“沒錯，太太。上次我撿到一位女士的錢包，她沒有零錢酬謝。”
