經典英語搞笑笑話 幽默小故事帶翻譯

學習英語，閱讀真的很重要，多閱讀一些簡單的英語笑話也是提高英語閱讀能力的一種，下面本站小編在這裏整理了一些經典英語搞笑笑話大家，希望大家會喜歡這些英語笑話!

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車裏拉出來並喚醒他。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎着，最後不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他爲什麼要這麼恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之後我就什麼都不知道了，當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍着‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個“S”。”

A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

有個小男孩非常需要50美元，他爲此禱告了數週但是什麼也沒發生。後來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應該交給總統比較好。總統被逗笑了，於是指示祕書寄給小男孩5美元，因爲他覺得5美元對於一個小孩來講已經是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信裏寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發現這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫傢伙收了我45美元的稅。

Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學生看到這條通知後，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉過身走回來，看了看那位學生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學生，教授揚長而去。

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麼意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站着兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”

Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

Tom: Men.

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

Tom: Twins.

老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個詞的複數形式是什麼?

湯姆：男人們。

老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的複數形式呢?

湯姆：雙胞胎。

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"

"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學生多瞭解一點優秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會。爲了使這次活動能給大家留下更深的印象，她請大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來上汽車的時候，她問小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎?”

“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說，“除了音樂其它都很好。”

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

老師：凱溫，這次你怎麼又遲到了?

凱溫：對不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個手指頭。

老師：怎麼沒有扎繃帶呀?

凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶着釘子的。

The Climate of New Zealand

Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

Teacher: Wrong.

Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎麼樣?

馬修：先生，那裏的天氣很冷。

老師：錯了。

馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

以爲藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。

“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。

“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。

“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死後增。我告訴他會的，然後他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”

“那太棒了!”畫家驚歎。“那麼什麼會是壞消息呢?”

店主想了想之後說：“問那個問題的是你的醫生”。

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什麼?”。

約翰：“你想它是什麼呢”?

老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。

約翰：“我想我不知道”。

經典英語搞笑笑話：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .

Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

女兒出生時，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的業已過世的父親同一個名字，不過家人提醒這個名字太男性化了。

幾年以後，我覺得邁爾斯已經長大，能夠懂事了。我對她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個和我爸爸一樣的名字，因爲我非常愛他。我相信他會爲你而深感自豪的。

邁爾斯很仔細地想了一下，然後說道：這些我都懂，媽媽。可是我不知道外公爲什麼會有一個女孩子的名字。

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

我在惠普公司打印機部做技術支持工作已經有一個月了，有一天我接到一位客戶的電話，她的問題我沒辦法解決。她的問題是：打印機不能打出來黃色，但是其它顏色都正常。這讓我覺得很納悶，因爲三原色就是藍、紅、黃。我建議客戶更換墨盒、刪了驅動程序然後重新安裝，但是都沒有效果。我諮詢同事們，他們也不知道該怎麼辦。經過兩個多小時的交涉，我打算讓客戶把打印機寄給我們，這時候她平靜地說了一句：“我是不是應該把這張黃紙扔了換一張白紙再打印試試。”

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