諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第1章Part 7

"That all right by you?""That's all right by me."She saw his skepticism and went on. "I cook at a restaurant in town. And I sew a little on the sly."Paul D smiled then, remembering the bedding dress. Sethe was thirteen when she came to SweetHome and already iron-eyed. She was a timely present for Mrs. Garner who had lost Baby Suggsto her husband's high principles. The five Sweet Home men looked at the new girl and decided tolet her be. They were young and so sick with the absence of women they had taken to calves. Yetthey let the iron-eyed girl be, so she could choose in spite of the fact that each one would havebeaten the others to mush to have her. It took her a year to choose — a long, tough year ofthrashing on pallets eaten up with dreams of her. A year of yearning, when rape seemed thesolitary gift of life. The restraint they had exercised possible only because they were Sweet Homemen — the ones Mr. Garner bragged about while other farmers shook their heads in warning at thephrase.

　　"Y'all got boys," he told them. "Young boys, old boys, picky boys, stroppin boys. Now at SweetHome, my niggers is men every one of em. Bought em thataway, raised em thataway. Men everyone.""Beg to differ, Garner. Ain't no nigger men.""Not if you scared, they ain't." Garner's smile was wide. "But if you a man yourself, you'll wantyour niggers to be men too.""I wouldn't have no nigger men round my wife."It was the reaction Garner loved and waited for. "Neither would I," he said. "Neither would I," andthere was always a pause before the neighbor, or stranger, or peddler, or brother-in-law or whoeverit was got the meaning. Then a fierce argument, sometimes a fight, and Garner came home bruisedand pleased, having demonstrated one more time what a real Kentuckian was: one tough enoughand smart enough to make and call his own niggers men.

　　And so they were: Paul D Garner, Paul F Garner, Paul A Garner, Halle Suggs and Sixo, the wildman. All in their twenties, minus women, fucking cows, dreaming of rape, thrashing on pallets,rubbing their thighs and waiting for the new girl — the one who took Baby Suggs' place afterHalle bought her with five years of Sundays.

　　Maybe that was why she chose him. A twenty-year-old man so in love with his mother he gave upfive years of Sabbaths just to see her sit down for a change was a serious recommendation.

　　She waited a year. And the Sweet Home men abused cows while they waited with her. She choseHalle and for their first bedding she sewed herself a dress on the sly.

　　"Won't you stay on awhile? Can't nobody catch up on eighteen years in a day."Out of the dimness of the room in which they sat, a white staircase climbed toward the blue-andwhitewallpaper of the second floor.

　　Paul D could see just the beginning of the paper; discreet flecks of yellow sprinkled among ablizzard of snowdrops all backed by blue.

　　The luminous white of the railing and steps kept him glancing toward it. Every sense he had toldhim the air above the stairwell was charmed and very thin. But the girl who walked down out ofthat air was round and brown with the face of an alert doll.

"你這樣挺好麼？" "我這樣挺好。" 她覺察到他的疑惑，繼續道："我在城裏一家餐館做飯。還偷着給人做點針線活兒。" 這時保羅·D想起了那條睡裙，不禁啞然失笑。塞絲來"甜蜜之家"時只有十三歲，已經有鐵的眼睛了。她是送給加納太太的一件及時的禮物，因爲加納先生的崇高原則①使太太失去了貝比·薩格斯。那五個"甜蜜之家"的男人看着這個新來的姑娘，決定不去碰她。他們血氣方剛，苦於沒有女人，只好去找小母牛出火。然而，儘管事實上每個人爲了奪到她完全可以把其他幾個打倒，他們還是不去碰那個眼睛像鐵的姑娘，所以她能夠自己挑選。她挑了整整一年——漫長、難熬的一年，他們在草荐上翻來覆去，被有關她的夢苦苦糾纏。渴望的一年，強姦似乎成了生活唯一的饋贈。他們使剋制成爲可能，僅僅因爲他們是"甜蜜之家"的男人——當其他農莊主對這個說法警覺地搖頭時，加納先生吹噓的那幾個人。

"你們都有奴隸，"他對他們說，"年紀輕的，上了歲數的，起刺兒的，磨洋工的。如今在-甜蜜之家-，我的黑鬼個個都是男子漢。那麼買的，也是那麼培養的。個個都是男子漢。" "抱歉，加納，不敢苟同。根本沒有黑鬼男子漢。" "要是你自己膽小，他們就不是了。"加納咧開嘴笑了，"可如果你自己是個男子漢，你就希望你的黑鬼也是男子漢。" "我可不樂意我的老婆周圍盡是些黑鬼男子漢。" 這正是加納酷愛和期待的反應。"我也不樂意，"他說道，"我也不樂意。"無論什麼人，鄰居、陌生人、小販或是內兄弟，都得等一會兒才能領會這個意思。然後是一場激烈的爭論，有時還要打上一架，但每次加納遍體鱗傷、洋洋得意地回家時，他已再一次向人們表明了什麼是真正的肯塔基人：勇敢和聰明得足以塑造和稱呼他的黑鬼們爲男子漢。

於是這就是他們：保羅·D.加納，保羅·F.加納，保羅·A.加納，黑爾·薩格斯，還有狂人西克索。都是二十來歲，沒沾過女人，操母牛，夢想強姦，在草荐上輾轉反側、摩擦大腿等待着新來的姑娘——黑爾用五年的禮拜天贖出貝比·薩格斯之後頂替她位置的那個姑娘。

也許那就是爲什麼她選中了他。一個二十歲的男人這樣愛他的母親，放棄了五年的安息日，只爲了看到她坐下來有個變化，這絕對是個真正的可取之處。

她等了一年。"甜蜜之家"的男人在與她一起等待的時候虐待母牛。她選中了黑爾。爲了第一次結合，她偷偷地爲自己縫了條裙子。

"你不多待一陣子嗎？誰也不能在一天裏捋清十八年。" 在他們坐着的房間的昏暗之外，白色的樓梯爬向二樓藍白相間的牆紙。

保羅·D剛好能看到牆紙的開頭：藍色的背景上，黃色斑點獨具匠心地灑在暴風雪的雪花中間。

明亮的白欄杆和白樓梯吸引了他的目光。他的所有感覺都告訴他，樓梯井上面的空氣既迷人又異常稀薄。但從那空氣中走下來的棕色皮膚的女孩卻是圓乎乎的，一張臉長得好像警覺的娃娃。