諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第7章Part 1

There was no question but that she could do it. Just like the day she arrived at 124 — sure enough,she had milk enough for all.
Beloved came through the door and they ought to have heard hertread, but they didn't.
Breathing and murmuring, breathing and murmuring. Beloved heard them as soon as the doorbanged shut behind her. She jumped at the slam and swiveled her head toward the whisperscoming from behind the white stairs. She took a step and felt like crying. She had been so close,then closer. And it was so much better than the anger that ruled when Sethe did or thoughtanything that excluded herself. She could bear the hours — -nine or ten of them each day but one— -when Sethe was gone. Bear even the nights when she was close but out of sight, behind wallsand doors lying next to him. But now — even the daylight time that Beloved had counted on,disciplined herself to be content with, was being reduced, divided by Sethe's willingness to payattention to other things. Him mostly. Him who said something to her that made her run out intothe woods and talk to herself on a rock. Him who kept her hidden at night behind doors. And himwho had hold of her now whispering behind the stairs after Beloved had rescued her neck and wasready now to put her hand in that woman's own.
Beloved turned around and left. Denver had not arrived, or else she was waiting somewhereoutside. Beloved went to look, pausing to watch a cardinal hop from limb to branch. She followedthe blood spot shifting in the leaves until she lost it and even then she walked on, backward, stillhungry for another glimpse.
She turned finally and ran through the woods to the stream. Standing close to its edge she watchedher reflection there. When Denver's face joined hers, they stared at each other in the water.
"You did it, I saw you," said Denver.
"What?"

"I saw your face. You made her choke."
"I didn't do it."
"You told me you loved her."
"I fixed it, didn't I? Didn't I fix her neck?"
"After. After you choked her neck."

不成問題，她當然能做到。就像她剛到124號那天——毫無疑問，她的奶水足夠所有的孩子吃。
寵兒進了門。他們本該聽見她的腳步聲，卻沒有聽見。
呼吸急促，竊竊私語，呼吸急促，竊竊私語。門剛在身後撞上，寵兒就聽見了他們的聲音。砰的一響讓她跳起來，然後她把腦袋扭過去，聽明白樓梯後面的低語聲。她邁了一步，差點哭出來。她本來已經離塞絲這樣近了，剛纔又更近了一步。塞絲做或想與她無關的事情時席捲她的那種憤怒，同這個可有天壤之別。她能夠忍受塞絲出門的那些個鐘頭——每天九十個小時，一星期中只有一天例外。甚至能忍受她在牆壁和門板後面躺在他身邊的那些夜晚，她離得很近，卻不在視野裏。可是現在——甚至寵兒所指望的、強迫自己知足的白天時間也被壓縮了，也被塞絲關注其他事物的願望給弄得支離破碎。主要怪他。是他說得她跑到樹林裏，坐在石頭上自言自語。是他夜裏把她藏在門後頭。現在又是他霸佔着她，在樓梯後面嘀嘀咕咕，就在寵兒剛剛救治了她的脖子、準備好把手放進那女人自己的手裏之後不久。
寵兒轉身離去。丹芙還沒到，要麼就是還等在外面什麼地方。寵兒出去找她，半路上停下來，看一隻紅雀從樹梢飛向樹枝。她的眼睛跟着這個血點在樹葉間穿行，直到找不見它，她才倒退着走開，仍然渴望再看上一眼。
她終於迴轉身，穿過樹林跑向小溪。站在岸邊，她望着自己的倒影。當丹芙的臉也映在她的旁邊，她們在水中面面相覷。
"是你乾的，我看見了。"丹芙道。
"什麼？"
"我看見你的臉了。是你讓她噎住的。"
"不是我乾的。"
"你跟我說過你愛她。"
"是我治好的，不是嗎？不是我把她的脖子治好的嗎？"
"那是後來。在你掐了她脖子之後。"