諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第12章Part 6

Sweet Home was tiny compared to the places she had been. Mr. Garner, Mrs. Garner, herself,Halle, and four boys, over half named Paul, made up the entire population. Mrs. Garner hummedwhen she worked; Mr. Garner acted like the world was a toy he was supposed to have fun with. Neither wanted her in the field — Mr. Garner's boys, including Halle, did all of that — which wasa blessing since she could not have managed it anyway. What she did was stand beside thehumming Lillian Garner while the two of them cooked, preserved, washed, ironed, made candles,clothes, soap and cider;fed chickens, pigs, dogs and geese; milked cows, churned butter, renderedfat, laid fires. . . . Nothing to it. And nobody knocked her down.
Her hip hurt every single day — but she never spoke of it. Only Halle, who had watched hermovements closely for the last four years, knew that to get in and out of bed she had to lift herthigh with both hands, which was why he spoke to Mr. Garner about buying her out of there so shecould sit down for a change. Sweet boy. The one person who did something hard for her: gave herhis work, his life and now his children, whose voices she could just make out as she stood in thegarden wondering what was the dark and coming thing behind the scent of disapproval. SweetHome was a marked improvement. No question. And no matter, for the sadness was at her center,the desolated center where the self that was no self made its home. Sad as it was that she did notknow where her children were buried or what they looked like if alive, fact was she knew moreabout them than she knew about herself, having never had the map to discover what she was like.
Could she sing? (Was it nice to hear when she did?) Was she pretty? Was she a good friend? Couldshe have been a loving mother? A faithful wife? Have I got a sister and does she favor me? If mymother knew me would she like me?
In Lillian Garner's house, exempted from the field work that broke her hip and the exhaustion thatdrugged her mind; in Lillian Garner's house where nobody knocked her down (or up), she listenedto the whitewoman humming at her work; watched her face light up when Mr. Garner came in andthought, It's better here, but I'm not. The Garners, it seemed to her, ran a special kind of slavery,treating them like paid labor, listening to what they said, teaching what they wanted known. Andhe didn't stud his boys. Never brought them to her cabin with directions to "lay down with her,"like they did in Carolina, or rented their sex out on other farms. It surprised and pleased her, butworried her too. Would he pick women for them or what did he think was going to happen whenthose boys ran smack into their nature? Some danger he was courting and he surely knew it. Infact, his order for them not to leave Sweet Home,except in his company, was not so much becauseof the law, but the danger of men-bred slaves on the loose.

"甜蜜之家"同她以前待過的許多地方比起來實在很小。加納先生、加納太太、她本人、黑爾，還有四個一多半都叫保羅的男孩子，構成了全部的人口。加納太太乾活的時候愛哼歌兒；加納先生呢，則表現得似乎世界就是他的一個好玩的玩具。誰都不讓她下田——加納先生的男孩們，包括黑爾，包了那些活兒——也是件幸運事，因爲反正她也幹不了。她只管站在哼歌兒的麗蓮·加納身邊，兩個人一起做飯、醃菜、漿洗、熨燙；做蠟燭、衣裳、肥皂和蘋果汁；餵雞、豬、狗和鵝；擠牛奶、攪牛油、熬豬油、生火……不算回事。而且沒有人把她打翻在地。
她的屁股每天都疼——可她從來沒提起過。唯有黑爾，在最後的四年裏一直仔細地觀察她的動作，知道了她上下牀必須用兩手搬起大腿才行；就是爲了這個，他纔跟加納先生說起要贖她出去，好讓她坐下來有個變化。多體貼的孩子啊。是他，爲她做了件艱苦的事情：把他的勞動、他的生活給了她，如今也把他的孩子們給了她，現在，她站在菜園裏納悶非難的氣味後面那黑壓壓趕來的東西是什麼的時候，就剛好能夠聽見他們的聲音。"甜蜜之家"是一個顯著的進步。毫無疑問。其實也無所謂，因爲悲哀就在她的中心，那喪失自我的自我棲居的荒涼的中心。那悲哀，就好比她不知道自己的孩子們埋在哪裏，或者即便活着也不知是什麼模樣。事實上，她比了解自己更瞭解他們，因爲從來沒有過一絲線索，幫助她發現自己是個什麼樣子。
她會唱歌嗎？（她唱得好聽嗎？）她漂亮嗎？她是個好朋友嗎？她本來可以成爲一個慈愛的母親嗎？可以成爲一個忠貞的妻子嗎？我有個姐姐嗎，她寵我嗎？假如我媽媽認識我她會喜歡我嗎？
在麗蓮·加納的家裏，她從傷了她屁股的農活和麻痹她思想的疲憊中解脫出來；在麗蓮·加納的家裏，沒有人把她打翻在地（或強姦她）。她聽着那白女人邊幹活邊哼歌兒，看着她的臉在加納先生進來時驟然亮起來，心想：這個地方更好，可我並不更好。在她看來，加納夫婦施行着一種特殊的奴隸制，對待他們像僱工，聽他們說話，把他們想知道的事情教給他們。而且，他不用他的奴隸男孩們配種，從來不把他們帶進她的小屋，像卡羅來納那幫人那樣命令他們"和她躺下"，也不把他們的性出租給別的農莊。這讓她驚訝和滿意，也讓她擔憂。他會給他們挑女人嗎？他認爲這些男孩獸性爆發時會發生什麼事呢？他在招惹天大的危險，他當然清楚。事實上，除非由他帶着、否則不準離開"甜蜜之家"的命令，並不真是因爲法律，而是考慮到對也是人生父母養的奴隸放任自流的危險才下達的。