諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第1章Part 20

Privately, alone, he did it. None of the rest of them had seen him at it, but they could imagine it,and the picture they pictured made them eager to laugh at him — in daylight, that is, when it was safe.
But that was before he stopped speaking English because there was no future in it. Because ofthe Thirty-Mile Woman Sixo was the only one not paralyzed by yearning for Sethe. Nothing couldbe as good as the sex with her Paul D had been imagining off and on for twenty-five years. Hisfoolishness made him smile and think fondly of himself as he turned over on his side, facing her. Sethe's eyes were closed, her hair a mess. Looked at this way, minus the polished eyes, her facewas not so attractive. So it must have been her eyes that kept him both guarded and stirred out them her face was manageable — a face he could handle. Maybe if she would keep themclosed like that... But no, there was her mouth. Nice. Halle never knew what he had.
Although her eyes were closed, Sethe knew his gaze was on her face, and a paper picture of justhow bad she must look raised itself up before her mind's eye. Still, there was no mockery comingfrom his gaze. Soft. It felt soft in a waiting kind of way. He was not judging her — or rather hewas judging but not comparing her. Not since Halle had a man looked at her that way: not lovingor passionate, but interested, as though he were examining an ear of corn for quality. Halle wasmore like a brother than a husband.
His care suggested a family relationship rather than a man'slaying claim. For years they saw each other in full daylight only on Sundays. The rest of the timethey spoke or touched or ate in darkness. Predawn darkness and the afterlight of sunset. So lookingat each other intently was a Sunday morning pleasure and Halle examined her as though storing upwhat he saw in sunlight for the shadow he saw the rest of the week. And he had so little time. Afterhis Sweet Home work and on Sunday afternoons was the debt work he owed for his mother. Whenhe asked her to be his wife, Sethe happily agreed and then was stuck not knowing the next e should be a ceremony, shouldn't there? A preacher, some dancing, a party, a something. Sheand Mrs. Garner were the only women there, so she decided to ask her.
"Halle and me want to bemarried, Mrs. Garner."

他這麼做了，祕密地，就他自個兒。他們其他幾個誰都沒有見過，但是想象得出來，他們在心中描摹的圖景使他們急於去笑話他———在白天，也就是安全的時候。
但那是在他因爲沒有前途而停止說英語之前。因爲有“三十英里女子”，西克索是唯一不因渴望塞絲而癱瘓的人。二十五年來，保羅·D始終想象不出有比跟她性交更好的事情。他自己的愚蠢引他發笑，當他轉過身去面對她時，他覺得自己可真是冒傻氣。塞絲閉着眼睛，頭髮亂作一團。從這個角度看，缺少了閃亮的眼睛，她的臉並不那麼動人。所以肯定是她的眼睛讓他一直既不敢造次又慾火中燒。沒有它們，她的臉是馴順的———是一張他能控制的臉。也許，假如她一直那樣合上眼睛……可是不，還有她的嘴呢。很美。黑爾從不知道他擁有的是什麼。
即使閉着眼睛，塞絲也知道他在凝視自己的臉。她的腦海裏浮現出一幅圖畫：她看起來該有多麼難看。可他的凝視裏依然沒有譏諷，很溫柔，好像一種期待般的溫柔。他沒在品評她———或者說品評了，但沒有拿她去作比較。除了黑爾以外，還沒有哪個男人這樣看過她：不是愛慕，也不是情熾如火，而是感興趣，彷彿在檢驗一穗玉米的質量。黑爾與其說是個丈夫，不如說更像個兄長。
比起一個男人的基本要求，他的關懷更接近家庭的親情。有好幾年，只有星期天他們才能在陽光下看見對方。其餘時間裏，他們在黑暗中說話、撫摸或者吃飯。黎明前的黑暗和日落後的昏暝。所以彼此凝視成了週日早間的一大樂事。黑爾仔細地端詳她，似乎要將陽光中所見的一切都貯存起來，留給他在這個星期其餘部分看到的模糊的影子。而他擁有的時間是這麼少。幹完了“甜蜜之家”的工作，星期天下午還要去還爲母親欠下的債。當他請求塞絲做他的妻子時，她欣然答允，然後就不知道下一步該怎麼辦了。得有個儀式，不是嗎？來個牧師，跳跳舞，一次派對，總得有點什麼。她和加納太太是那兒僅有的女人，所以她決定去問她。
“黑爾和我想結婚，加納太太。”