不止中國父母逼兒結婚 美國老人也盼着抱孫子

It's a natural part of growing older. People start to long for grandchildren -- and many start to pressure their adult child, in overt or subtle ways, to produce those grandchildren.

隨着年紀越來越大，老人自然而然地會想要孫子孫女，很多人開始以或明或暗的方式對兒女施加壓力，讓他們早點生孩子。

For the current generation of would-be grandparents and their children, those desires are getting more urgent -- and the pressure is getting a lot more intense.

對於目前這一代想抱孫子的老人及其兒女來說，這種渴望變得越來越迫切——壓力也越來越大。

It comes down to simple arithmetic. More individuals are waiting until their 30s and beyond to have their first child. Perhaps they want to get their finances or career in order first, find the right partner or take on other big projects like an advanced degree or world travel.

其實就是簡單的算術問題。越來越多的人都等到30歲甚至30歲以上纔要第一個孩子。也許他們想先把財務問題或者事業搞定，先找到合適的伴侶或者完成其他大事，比如念個高級學位或者環球旅行。

Whatever the reason, the result is that their parents have to wait longer for their first grandchild -- perhaps to age 70 instead of age 60. They have to worry about whether they will be healthy enough to help out and enjoy the time they have with their grandchildren. Or if they'll be alive at all.

無論是何種原因，結果都是他們的父母必須等待更長的時間才能抱上孫子——也許要等到70歲而不是60歲。他們得擔心到時候自己身體是否足夠健康，是否能幫上忙併享受和孫子孫女在一起的時光。或者擔心自己是否還活着。

The shift is 'ringing alarm bells,' says Mary Jane Horton, 62 years old, a writer, editor and blogger who lives in Pasadena, Calif., and is hoping for grandchildren sooner rather than later. 'We know intellectually that we have to wait, but we don't want to,' adds Ms. Horton, who likens the feeling to that of a 'biological clock' for grandparents.

62歲的瑪麗·簡·霍頓(Mary Jane Horton)是加州帕薩迪納(Pasadena)的一名作家、編輯及博主。她希望能儘快抱上孫子。她說年齡“正在敲響警鐘”。她說：“在理智上我們知道必須得等，但我們不想等。”她把這種感覺比喻成祖父母的“生物鐘”。

Experts say the trend toward older grandparenthood may also change aspects of the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. The benefits of growing up with grandparents are well documented: Aside from serving as an extra source of child care and economic support, grandparents often 'form an alternative attachment to the child that can be very important to the child's development,' says Merril Silverstein, a professor of sociology at Syracuse University who focuses on aging.

專家說，當上祖父母的時間越來越晚這種趨勢可能還會改變祖孫關係的方方面面。雪城大學(Syracuse University)專注老年研究的社會學教授梅里爾·西爾弗斯坦(Merril Silverstein)說，孩子跟着祖父母長大有很多好處：除了在照顧孩子和經濟上能夠予以支持，祖父母通常會“對孩子形成另外一種對兒童發展非常重要的依戀情感”。

But while older grandparents typically make greater financial contributions to their grandchildren, they often provide less in the way of child care and are 'less likely to interact and recreate' with them on a daily basis, Prof. Silverstein says. True, longevity gains give them 'more opportunities to engage,' he says. But for some, poor health can get in the way.

然而，西爾弗斯坦教授說，儘管年紀較大的祖父母一般會爲孫輩提供更多經濟上的支持，但在照顧孩子方面的幫助沒那麼多，而且不大可能做到“每天和孩子互動和玩耍”。他說，不可否認，長壽會讓老人有“更多的機會和孩子接觸”。但對有些人來說，健康問題會成爲障礙。

And there's no denying the math: Older grandparents have fewer years with their grandchildren.

另外還有一個不可否認的事實：年紀越大，能和孫輩在一起的時間就會越短。

Interviews with dozens of couples, would-be grandparents and educators across the country make it clear that much of this is difficult to resolve. Talking, of course, helps -- about expectations, timetables, fears. Some would-be grandparents are finding other outlets, like volunteer work, for their frustrations. Still others are offering to pay for fertility treatments and child care -- just to ensure the possibility of grandchildren.

通過對全美數十位包括夫妻、想抱孫子的老人以及教育工作者在內的人士進行採訪，我們發現這個問題很難解決。把自己的期望、時間表和擔憂講出來當然會有所幫助。有些想抱孫子的老人在爲自己的沮喪心情找其他出口，比如志願者工作。也有人提出爲兒女的生育治療以及照顧孩子出錢——只是爲了確保有抱上孫子的可能。

But more often than not, the two generations end up reaching an uncomfortable truce, one where adult children invariably hold an edge. 'You want to tell them to hurry up, but they aren't working on your schedule,' says Mary Ellen Strote, 72, a part-time editor in Calabasas, Calif., who recently became a first-time grandmother.

但兩代人最後往往會達成某種雙方都覺得不舒服的休戰協定，而且兒女總是佔上風。72歲的瑪麗·艾倫·斯特羅特(Mary Ellen Strote)是加州卡拉巴薩斯(Calabasas)的一名兼職編輯，最近剛剛抱上了第一個孫子。她說：“你想告訴他們要抓緊，但他們並不按你的計劃行事。”

Economics tells a big part of the story. In response to the recession, the U.S. fertility rate between 2007 and 2012 plunged to an all-time low, as women of all ages -- except for those 35 and older -- put off childbearing or opted against having children. Combined with longer-term cultural shifts, including greater educational and workplace opportunities for women, this has caused the proportion of first births to women ages 35 and older to rise to nearly one in 12 today from one in 100 in 1970. (Overall, nearly one in seven children is now born to women in that age group.)

經濟學能說明很大問題。由於經濟蕭條，2007年和2012年間美國的生育率跌至歷史最低，因爲35歲以下的女性都在推遲生育或者選擇不生孩子。加上包括女性教育和工作機會增多在內的更長期的文化轉變因素，導致現在35歲及以上女性首次生育的比例從1970年的1:100增至1:12。（總體來看，目前近七分之一的兒童均由35歲及以上女性生育。）

At the same time, the percentage of women ages 40 to 44 who have never given birth has nearly doubled to 18%, according to the Pew Research Center.

與此同時，據皮尤研究中心(Pew Research Center)統計，40至44歲從未生育的女性比例已經增長近一倍，達到18%。

Amid the procrastination, the average age at which Americans first become grandparents is on the rise, as well. Consider: The proportion of women ages 60 to 64 with no grandchildren is expected to reach 25% by 2020, up from 10% in the 1990s, according to Peter Uhlenberg, a sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Jared Strote圖爲72歲的瑪麗•艾倫•斯特羅特(Mary Ellen Strote)和她的兩個孫女。她說，巨大的年齡差距讓“一切都變得更緊張了”。由於生育推遲，美國老人抱上第一個孫子的平均年齡也在增大。北卡羅來納大學教堂山分校(University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)社會學教授彼得·烏倫貝格(Peter Uhlenberg)表示，60至64歲沒有孫子孫女的女性比例將於2020年達到25%，而1990年代僅爲10%。

In the end, the delays shortchange both grandparent and grandchild -- at least according to older adults. That's because, once a grandchild finally arrives, there is less time to develop close ties. And time that is spent together invariably feels rushed -- even frantic.

總的來說，推遲生育對祖孫兩輩都不公平——至少老人們是這樣認爲的。這是因爲，等孫子終於出生以後，培養親密關係的時間變少了。祖孫在一起的時候難免會感覺時間緊迫——甚至慌亂。

'We feel pressure to compress the years we would have had with them into a shorter period,' says Marsha Winer, 77. The Palos Verdes Estates, Calif., resident and her husband, Nate, 78, became first-time grandparents two years ago when their son Dan, now 50, and his wife, Stephanie, adopted two children. Today, the Winers try to pack as many grandparenting moments as possible into their visits with Caleb, 3, and David, 2: visits to the zoo and aquarium, baking cookies, shooting baskets on a minihoop.

77歲的瑪莎·瓦內(Marsha Winer)和78歲的丈夫內特(Nate)住在加州帕洛斯弗迪斯莊園(Palos Verdes Estates)，他們在兩年前有了孫子，當時他們50歲的兒子丹(Dan)和妻子斯蒂芬妮(Stephanie)領養了兩個孩子：凱萊布(Caleb)和大衛(David)，目前分別是三歲和兩歲。瑪莎說：“要把我們和兩個孩子在一起的時間壓縮得更短，我們感到有壓力。”如今，瓦內夫婦每次去看凱萊布和大衛的時候都儘量盡到做爺爺奶奶的責任：帶他們去動物園和水族館，做曲奇餅乾，玩迷你籃筐投球。

'The boys are so much fun to be with -- it really has changed our lives,' Ms. Winer says. Still, she adds, 'We both wish [this] had happened 10 to 15 years ago.'

瑪莎說：“和孩子們在一起太好玩了——徹底改變了我們的生活。”不過，她補充說：“我們都希望10到15年前就能這樣。”

Ms. Strote, the 72-year-old editor in California, says the age gap between herself and her grandchildren -- Maisy, 4, and Penelope, almost 2 -- makes 'everything a little more intense.'

加州72歲的編輯斯特羅特說，她和兩個孫女的年齡差讓“所有的一切都變得更緊張了”。兩個孫女分別叫梅西(Maisy)和佩內洛普(Penelope)，梅西四歲，佩內洛普快兩歲了。

Ms. Strote, who goes to the gym regularly, has no trouble taking long walks, rolling down hills and playing on the ground with her granddaughters. But she also knows she may not be able to do that for long. 'There is more awareness on my part that I am not going to play as large of a role in their lives as my grandparents played in my life,' she says. 'Chances are, they won't have the same vivid memories of me as an active person who is involved in their lives as I had of my grandmother and my children had of their grandmother.'

由於經常去健身房，斯特羅特和孫女一起長時間走路、從山坡往下滾、在遊樂場玩耍都沒有問題。但她也知道能做到這些的時間沒多少了。她說：“我越來越意識到，我不會像我爺爺奶奶對我生活的影響一樣在我孫女的生活中起到那麼重要的作用了。她們很可能不像我對我的奶奶以及我的孩子對他們的奶奶那樣，對我有那麼鮮活的記憶了。”

Beryl Porter, 73, of Mancos, Colo., shares some of those fears. 'Selfishly, I am worried that I am not going to see that baby when they decide to have it,' Ms. Porter says of her son and his wife. Her concerns became exacerbated last year, when her husband Wil, 78, had a heart attack and a quadruple bypass.

來自科羅拉多州曼科斯(Mancos)的73歲老人貝麗爾·波特(Beryl Porter)也有同樣的擔憂。貝麗爾說：“私下裏我會擔心，我恐怕等不到他們決定要孩子的那一天了。”她的擔憂去年更嚴重了，因爲78歲的老伴威爾(Will)心臟病發作，做了心臟搭橋手術。

'We are both very active, but things can change quickly at this age,' Ms. Porter says.

貝麗爾說：“我們身體都很好，但是到了這個年齡，一切都難以預料。”

Her son Trent Porter says he and his wife, Savannah, have tried to be 'pretty honest and direct' with their parents about their plans for starting a family. In addition to developing his Denver financial-planning business, Mr. Porter, 34, says his wife, 29, is halfway through a three-year program to become a physician assistant. The two, who were married in August, also want to take time to travel to India and Nepal. Children are at least three years off.

她的兒子特倫特·波特(Trent Porter)說，關於要孩子的計劃，他和妻子薩萬娜(Savannah)對父母已經儘量“誠實和直接”了。特倫特和薩萬娜去年八月結婚，今年分別是34歲和29歲。特倫特說，他在發展自己在丹佛的財務規劃生意，妻子爲了成爲醫師助理正在參加一個爲期三年的項目。他們還想抽時間去印度和尼泊爾旅行。要孩子至少是三年後的事情了。

Still, 'the message from our parents is, 'There is never a perfect time to have children. You just need to make it happen,'' Mr. Porter says. 'There is this underlying tone from the parents of, 'Well, your priorities are out of whack.''

特倫特說，不過，“父母給出的信息是，‘要孩子永遠沒有什麼完美的時間。行動起來就行了。’父母有一種暗含的論調是，‘你的優先次序排得不對。’”

For her part, Beryl Porter says she understands that waiting to have children often makes economic sense. But she worries about the assumption that 'a profession is more important' than family and says that waiting can backfire if it leads to fertility problems or inertia. 'Sometimes when we get into a comfort zone, it becomes easier to stay in our comfort zone.'

在貝麗爾方面，她說她知道晚點要孩子通常在經濟上來說是比較合理的。但她對“事業比家庭重要”的想法感到擔心，並表示如果導致生育問題或者惰性，等待就會導致適得其反的後果。她說：“有時我們會進入一個舒適區，待在舒適區會變得更容易。”

Kathryn Hill, 55, Savannah Porter's mother and a hospice nurse in Canon City, Colo., says she takes pains not to pressure her daughter and son-in-law. But she, too, has concerns about the delay. 'With the type of work I do, I see how health can change at a moment's notice,' she says.

薩萬娜·波特的母親、55歲的凱瑟琳·希爾(Kathryn Hill)說，她盡力不對女兒和女婿施加壓力。但她也對推遲要孩子有顧慮。在科羅拉多州卡農城(Canon City)從事臨終護理工作的希爾說：“由於我的工作性質，我知道一個人的身體狀況瞬間會發生何種變化。”

'Savannah says she wants to wait until she gets out of school and then take a year off before she even thinks about babies,' she says. 'Sometimes I think, 'Well, you can always get an education but you can't always have children.''

她說：“薩萬娜說她想等到畢業以後，然後再休息一年再想孩子的事。有時候我會想，‘讀書隨時都可以，但生孩子可不是’。”

Ms. Hill also raises what might be called the ugly-duckling issue. Older adults who are waiting -- and waiting -- for grandchildren frequently find themselves on the social sidelines, watching veteran grandparents happily head off to soccer games and school events. 'All of my friends and sisters have grandchildren,' she says. 'I kind of feel, not like an outcast, but that I can't relate to them when we get together.' Having grandchildren, she adds, would 'make me feel like I am growing' as a person.

希爾還提出了所謂“醜小鴨”的問題。盼着抱孫子的老人常會發現自己處於社交邊緣地帶，眼看着早就當上爺爺奶奶的人幸福地去觀看足球賽和學校活動。她說：“我所有的朋友和姐妹都有孫子。我覺得自己倒並不是說被遺棄了，但是和他們在一起的時候沒有共同語言。”她說，有孫子會“讓我覺得自己作爲一個人在成長”。

Some of the toughest times are holidays, says Atlanta resident Martha Tate, 68, an author and gardening blogger whose first grandchild is due to arrive later this year. 'You get Christmas cards with all the grandchildren lined up -- and you're still sending a card with your two grown girls and a dog,' she says. Ms. Tate adds that she has been hesitant to talk with her daughters, ages 37 and 30, about grandchildren, worrying that she might appear selfish. But thoughts about when the day might come occupied her mind 'more than I would ever let on,' she says.

68歲的瑪莎·塔特(Martha Tate)是亞特蘭大的一名作家及園藝博主，她的第一個孫子將於今年晚些時候出世。她說，最難熬的是節假日。她說：“應該是所有的孫子孫女排着隊給你 誕賀卡——而事實是你仍然和兩個成年的女兒和一隻狗在互送賀卡。”塔特的兩個女兒分別是37歲和30歲。她說，她一直在猶豫要不要跟兩個女兒討論抱外孫的事，她擔心自己會顯得太自私。但她說，她總在想這天什麼時候會來，這種想法總是揮之不去。

Her older daughter, Anne Tate Pearce, says she felt she 'had permission to take my time' because Ms. Tate herself waited until she found the right person to marry. 'It's a joy to now be able to share the excitement of expecting a baby with my mother and sister.'

Brooks LaGree III在等待孫子出生的同時，芭芭拉•拉格雷和布魯克斯•拉格雷夫婦(Barbara and Brooks LaGree)試圖把遺願清單上的事一件件完成，包括去加拿大落基山脈(Canadian Rockies)旅行。她的大女兒安妮·塔特·皮爾斯(Anne Tate Pearce)說，她覺得“自己得到了從容不迫的許可”，因爲母親一直等到她找到了合適的人結婚。她說：“我很高興現在能和母親以及妹妹分享懷孕的激動心情。”

Her sister, Laura Tate, says, 'I know my mother likes kids. But she never pressured us about liking a particular boyfriend we had. She doesn't express an opinion one way or another.'

她的妹妹勞拉·塔特(Laura Tate)說：“我知道媽媽喜歡孩子。但她從來沒有強迫我們喜歡某個男友。她並不會以這樣或那樣的方式表達看法。”

Should older adults mention the 'G' word to their children? Amy Johnson, a life coach and psychologist in Canton, Mich., who works mainly with professional women in their late 30s and early 40s, says conversations can help -- but cautions wannabe grandparents about the risks. While most of her clients don't like it when their parents bring up the topic of grandchildren, it can sometimes cause tension when they don't.

老人應不應該跟孩子提抱孫子的事？艾米·約翰遜(Amy Johnson)是密歇根州坎頓市(Canton)的一名生活教練及心理醫生，她主要輔導那些30歲末、40歲初的職業女性。她說，聊一聊會有幫助——但她提醒想抱孫子的老人，這樣做是有風險的。儘管她的大多數客戶都不喜歡父母提出有關孫子的問題，但如果不提的話有時會造成關係緊張。

'For most of the women I work with, either their parents are wondering and pressuring them in subtle or overt ways,' she says. 'Or, in some cases, their parents don't ask questions, probably because they feel it is none of their business.' Some women conclude their parents don't care about grandchildren or have no faith in their ability to be a good parent, Ms. Johnson adds.

她說：“對於我輔導的大多數女性，要麼她們的父母都在想辦法以或明或暗的方式給她們施壓，要麼有的父母不會問問題，可能是因爲他們覺得這跟自己無關。”她說，有些女性會推斷自己的父母對抱孫子不在乎，或者不相信她們能做好母親。

Her advice to grandparents-in-waiting: Go ahead and ask your adult children questions, like 'Do you want children?' and 'What is your expected timetable?' But don't push your own agenda. 'A lot of parents are pretty blunt. They say things like, 'I am getting older. When is this going to happen? I want to be able to enjoy those grandkids,'' Ms. Johnson says. But to adult children, she adds, that can feel like their parents are saying, ''I'm going to die soon, and this is my dying wish.' It becomes a huge source of pressure.'

她給等着抱孫子的老人的建議是：大膽地向兒女提出問題，比如“你們想要孩子嗎？”以及“你們預計的時間表是什麼時候？”但是不要把自己的想法強加給他們。約翰遜說：“很多老人都相當直接。他們會說，‘我年紀大了。什麼時候才能抱上孫子呢？我希望能享受和孫子們在一起的時光。’”她說，“但是對於兒女們來說，他們會覺得父母是在說，‘我快不久於人世了，這是我的臨終遺願。’。這樣會給兒女帶來巨大壓力。”

Georgia Witkin, a psychologist at RMA of New York LLP, a fertility clinic in New York, recommends that wannabe grandparents find other outlets for their frustrations. To that end, Mary Jane Horton -- the 62-year-old writer -- serves as a court-appointed advocate for a foster child, age 12.

紐約生育診所RMA of New York LLP的心理醫師喬治亞·維特金(Georgia Witkin)建議想抱孫子的老人爲自己的低落心情尋找其他出口。62歲的作家瑪麗·簡·霍頓就爲一個12歲的領養孩子擔任法庭指定的代理人。霍頓說：“她不是小嬰兒了，但我還是得像照顧孫子一樣花些精力。”她的職責包括和女孩的治療師、社工和醫生談話，代表女孩參加法庭聽證會。此外，她說：“我每個月要去看她兩三次。我帶她去看電影，我是她生活中靠得住的那個人。”

'She's not a baby, but it still takes some of that energy that I want to put into a grandchild and devotes it to a child,' Ms. Horton says. Among other duties, she speaks to the girl's therapist, social worker and doctor and goes to court hearings on her behalf. Beyond that, she says, 'I see her two or three times a month. I take her to the movies. I am the one steady person she has had in her life.'

新墨西哥州阿爾伯克基(Albuquerque)的64歲老人芭芭拉·拉格雷(Barbara LaGree)說，她的建議是“過自己的生活，不要把希望寄託在不一定會發生的事情上”。因此，她說，在等待兒子（37歲）和女兒（34歲）生孩子的同時，她和70歲的老伴布魯克斯(Brooks)“試圖把遺願清單上的事一件件完成”。這其中包括今年夏天去加拿大落基山脈(Canadian Rockies)的班夫(Banff)旅遊，以及明年去新西蘭。

Barbara LaGree, 64, of Albuquerque, N.M., says her advice is to 'live your life and not wait on something that may or may not happen.' As such, she and her 70-year-old husband, Brooks -- while waiting for their son (37) and daughter (34) to have children -- are 'trying to do everything on our bucket list,' she says. That includes travel to Banff in the Canadian Rockies this summer and to New Zealand next year.

她說：“但願有了孫子以後，我們的孩子會需要我們幫忙。我們想在孩子出生的時候能有時間幫他們，我相信遲早會抱上孫子的。”

'Hopefully, when we have grandchildren our kids will probably need us to help them,' she says. 'We want to be available to them when it happens, and I'm sure it will.'

在輔助生育技術發達的時代，有些想要孫子的老人不單單會和兒女討論要孫子的事情。生育診所的數據顯示，越來越多的老人開始幫助兒女支付治療費用。

In an age of assisted reproductive technology, some grandparents-in-waiting are doing more than merely talking about grandchildren. Fertility clinics report that a growing number are helping adult children pay for treatments.

紐約RMA生育診所的維特金博士說，來RMA做卵子冷凍的女性中約有三分之一都是跟父母一起來的，很多父母都承擔了全部或部分費用。（費用一般在一萬美元到1.5萬美元之間，不包括藥物和儲存費用。）

Dr. Witkin of New York's RMA fertility clinic says about one-third of the women who undergo the egg-freezing procedure at RMA come in with their parents, many of whom fully or partially underwrite the cost. (That figure typically ranges from $10,000 to $15,000, not including bills for medication and storage.)

馬薩諸塞州牛頓市(Newton)的財務規劃師蘇珊·卡普蘭(Susan Kaplan)去年花了三萬美元，爲37歲的女兒黛安娜·卡普蘭(Susan Kaplan)冷凍卵子。蘇珊說：“她不再覺得有必要給自己施加壓力，不會逼自己必須及時找到白馬王子。”儘管如此，她說做父母的應該謹慎考慮這樣做對自己儲蓄金的影響。她的有些客戶會導致自己的退休金面臨風險，因爲最後發現“幫助孩子支付冷凍卵子的費用只是第一步”。

Susan Kaplan, a financial planner in Newton, Mass., spent $30,000 last year so her daughter Diane Kaplan, 37, could freeze her eggs. 'She no longer feels she has to put the pressure on herself to find Prince Charming in a timely way,' says Ms. Kaplan. Nonetheless, Ms. Kaplan says parents should carefully consider the impact on their own nest eggs. Some of her clients have put their own retirements at risk because 'helping to pay to freeze the eggs' proved to be 'only step one.'

蘇珊說，尤其當冷凍卵子導致女性成爲單親母親時，“好像有了這麼一個不成文的契約：‘我們同在一條戰線上’。”她看到有老人承擔了女兒們付不起的額外費用，比如宿營和特殊學校的費用。

Especially when egg-freezing enables women to become single parents, 'somehow the unwritten contract becomes that 'We're all in this together,'' says Ms. Kaplan, who sees grandparents underwriting extras, like camps and special schools, that their daughters can't afford.

有些老人以及他們的兒女說，他們能做的頂多是承認這種情形中的諷刺意味，或者應該一笑置之。隨着越來越多的女性進入職場，現在盼着抱孫子的女性老人中，自己當初推遲要孩子的也不在少數。

Some would-be grandparents and their adult children say the best they can do is recognize -- and perhaps laugh about -- the irony in the situation. No small number of today's would-be grandmothers delayed having children themselves as women started entering the workforce in greater numbers.

現在她們的女兒也做出同樣的決定，但其中的邏輯並不一定像30多年前那樣合情合理了。69歲的愛麗絲·沃特斯(Alice Waters)是一名烹飪書作家以及加州伯克利(Berkeley)知名餐廳Chez Panisse的老闆。她說，她在60歲出頭的時候就有想要外孫的想法了。對沃特斯來說，那種感覺“突然就來了，就像自己快40歲時想要孩子的那種感覺一樣”。

Now that their adult daughters are making the same decision, the logic doesn't always seem as sound as it did 30-plus years ago. Alice Waters, 69, says she began to feel a desire for grandchildren in her early 60s. For Ms. Waters -- a cookbook author and owner of Chez Panisse, the renowned Berkeley, Calif., restaurant -- the feeling 'just kind of kicked in, just the way wanting a child did' when she was in her late 30s.

但是，雖然沃特斯的獨女、30歲的範妮·辛格(Fanny Singer)說她樂意要孩子，但她和母親都承認，辛格還沒有做好當母親的準備。辛格最近剛獲得劍橋大學(University of Cambridge)藝術歷史博士學位，目前和男友薩姆·索恩(Sam Thorne)住在一起。索恩最近剛被任命爲英格蘭康沃爾(Cornwall)Tate St. Ives博物館的藝術總監。兩人打算結婚，但目前都在專注於發展成爲藝術歷史學家、作家和策展人的事業。

But while Ms. Waters's only child, Fanny Singer, 30, says she likes the idea of having children, both she and her mother acknowledge that Ms. Singer isn't ready to become a parent yet. Ms. Singer, who recently received a Ph.D. in art history from the University of Cambridge, lives with her partner, Sam Thorne, the recently appointed artistic director at the Tate St. Ives museum in Cornwall, England. While the couple intends to get married, both are currently focused on building their careers as art historians, writers and curators.

辛格說，她的母親偶爾會開開玩笑，比如“什麼時候生孩子都好”，“如果你有了孩子，工作太忙，可以讓我帶”之類。

Ms. Singer says her mother occasionally makes teasing remarks like, 'Anytime is a good time,' and 'If you have a child and you're too busy, you can just drop it off with me.'

對此，辛格的迴應是：“我總是溫柔地提醒她，如果她想早點抱外孫，當初就應該早點生我。”

In response, Ms. Singer says: 'I always gently remind her that if she wanted a grandchild earlier, she should have had me when she was younger.'

Anne Tergesen

Ms. Tergesen is a staff reporter for The Wall Street Journal in New York.

（本文作者Anne Tergesen是《華爾街日報》駐紐約記者。）