與自戀狂分手時會發生這些事

It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Break ups are always hard, but when you've been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.

與一個自戀狂戀愛既是一場挑戰又耗費精力，並且他們離開時也能掀起一場浩劫。分手總是很難，但當與利用他人又自戀的人戀愛時，分手更難。

On the surface, narcissists can seem charming, engaging and charismatic, which can make them difficult to leave in the first place.

表面上，自戀的人看起來英俊、迷人又有魅力，剛開始時往往讓人難以離開。

Dr Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote in a recent blog post on Psychology Today that narcissists can make you "fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you're giving up a part of your heart to leave them," because they're very good at becoming the centre of your universe while you're with them.

加利福尼亞大學洛杉磯分校臨牀心理醫生朱迪絲·奧洛夫博士在最近發表於《今日心理學》雜誌的文章中寫道，自戀狂會使人覺得"愛上他們是如此的不易，離開他們彷彿心都缺了一塊，"因爲在戀愛時，他們很擅長成爲你的世界中心。

Here's what to expect if you break up with a narcissist.

當與自戀狂分手時可能會發生這些事。

If they're the ones to break it off, it can feel brutal and sudden.

如果他們是主動提出分手的人，對你來說即殘酷又突然。

One minute you may feel like everything your partner has ever wanted, and the next you're left wandering what on Earth went wrong. This is because narcissists are great at playing a part while they're getting something from their source, according to Orloff. But when they're done using you, they have no difficulty in casting you aside like a used tissue.

這一分鐘你會覺得這就是你對於伴侶想要的一切，下一分鐘你會不斷思考究竟做錯什麼了。據奧洛夫所說，這是因爲自戀狂善於從靈魂深處扮演一個角色。但是當他們不需要利用你時，能夠毫不費力地把你當做用過的紙一樣扔掉。

There will be no apologies or remorse, and you may well never hear from them again, regardless of how long your relationship was. If they do return, it will be because they've realised they can get something from you.

沒有道歉也沒有自責，不管你們的關係持續了多久，你可能再也不會聽到他們的消息了。如果他們又回來了，那便是因爲他們意識到還能從你身上得到點什麼。

If you're the one who chose to leave, on the other hand, be prepared for begging, pleading or bargaining.

如果你主動選擇離開，在另一方面，做好迎接乞求、懇求以及討價還價的準備。

If you're the one who chose to leave, good for you because Orloff says that's hard to do. They are likely to give you the fight of your life because they're not done with you yet. Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily.

如果你主動選擇離開，這對你是好的，但奧洛夫說這很難做到。他們可能會與你大吵一架，那是因爲他們還沒有得到自己想要的。自戀狂討厭失去他們的供給，所以他們不會輕易讓你走。

Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."

準備好聽到他們說"我會改"的承諾。他們或許會突然爲你做曾經抱怨的事。他們或許會說"沒有我你會迷失自己"或者"你再也找不到像我一樣好的人。"

Don't listen, Orloff advises. It's just a trick to get you to come back to them out of fear.

千萬別聽信了，奧洛夫建議道。這只是讓你遠離恐懼，再次回到他們身邊的把戲。

What next? Establish no contact.

下一步是什麼呢？不要建立聯繫。