名著精讀:《悉達多》 卡瑪拉(2)

"Yes," said the ferryman, "a very beautiful river, I love it more than anything. Often I have listened to it, often I have looked into its eyes, and always I have learned from it. Much can be learned from a river."
"I than you, my benefactor," spoke Siddhartha, disembarking on the other side of the river. "I have no gift I could give you for your hospitality, my dear, and also no payment for your work. I am a man without a home, a son of a Brahman and a Samana."
"I did see it," spoke the ferryman, "and I haven't expected any payment from you and no gift which would be the custom for guests to bear. You will give me the gift another time."
"Do you think so?" asked Siddhartha amusedly.
"Surely. This too, I have learned from the river: everything is coming back! You too, Samana, will come back. Now farewell! Let your friendship be my reward. Commemorate me, when you'll make offerings to the gods."
Smiling, they parted. Smiling, Siddhartha was happy about the friendship and the kindness of the ferryman. "He is like Govinda," he thought with a smile, "all I meet on my path are like Govinda. All are thankful, though they are the ones who would have a right to receive thanks. All are submissive, all would like to be friends, like to obey, think little. Like children are all people."
At about noon, he came through a village. In front of the mud cottages, children were rolling about in the street, were playing with pumpkin-seeds and sea-shells, screamed and wrestled, but they all timidly fled from the unknown Samana. In the end of the village, the path led through a stream, and by the side of the stream, a young woman was kneeling and washing clothes. When Siddhartha greeted her, she lifted her head and looked up to him with a smile, so that he saw the white in her eyes glistening. He called out a blessing to her, as it is the custom among travellers, and asked how far he still had to go to reach the large city. Then she got up and came to him, beautifully her wet mouth was shimmering in her young face. She exchanged humorous banter with him, asked whether he had eaten already, and whether it was true that the Samanas slept alone in the forest at night and were not allowed to have any women with them. While talking, she put her left foot on his right one and made a movement as a woman doeswho would want to initiate that kind of sexual pleasure with a man, which the textbooks call "climbing a tree". Siddhartha felt his blood heating up, and since in this moment he had to think of his dream again, he bend slightly down to the woman and kissed with his lips the brown nipple of her breast. Looking up, he saw her face smiling full of lust and her eyes, with contracted pupils, begging with desire.
Siddhartha also felt desire and felt the source of his sexuality moving; but since he had never touched a woman before, he hesitated for a moment, while his hands were already prepared to reach out for her. And in this moment he heard, shuddering with awe, the voice if his innermost self, and this voice said No. Then, all charms disappeared from the young woman's smiling face, he no longer saw anything else but the damp glance of a female animal in heat. Politely, he petted her cheek, turned away from her and disappeared away from the disappointed woman with light steps into the bamboo-wood.

“是的，”船伕說，“一條很美麗的河。我熱愛它勝過一切。我常常傾聽它的聲音，常常凝視它的眼睛，我總是向它學習。向一條河可以學到很多東西。”
“我感謝你，好心人。”席特哈爾塔邊說邊登上了對岸，“我沒有禮物送給你，親愛的，也付不出船錢。我是個無家可歸的人，一個婆羅門之子，一個沙門。”
“我已經看出來了。”船伕說，“我並不指望得到你的酬謝，也不想要你的禮物。以後有機會你再送我禮物吧。”
“這你相信？”席特哈爾塔高興地問。
“當然。這也是向河水學到的：一切都會再來！你這個沙門也會再來。好了，再會吧！但願你的友情就是對我的酬謝，但願你在祭神時能想到我！”
他們笑着分手了。席特哈爾塔爲船伕的友好與親切而感到高興。“他就像戈文達一樣。”他笑着想，“我在路上遇見的人都像戈文達一樣，大家都心懷感激，儘管他們自己有權得到別人的感謝。大家都很謙恭，都願意結交朋友，樂意服從，很少思想。人們都像是孩子。”
中午時，他來到一個村莊。巷子裏，孩子們在土牆小屋前打滾，玩南瓜子和貝殼，叫嚷和打鬧，可是一看見這個陌生的沙門就全都嚇跑了。在村尾，道路穿過一條小溪，一個年輕女人正跪在溪邊洗衣服。席特哈爾塔向她問好，她擡起頭，含笑瞥了他一眼，這時，他看到她眼睛裏的白色在閃亮。他按照行路人通常的方式打過招呼，便問到大城去還有多遠。她直起身，走過來，年輕的臉上那張溼潤的嘴十分動人。她跟他開玩笑，問他吃過飯沒有，問沙門夜間獨宿在樹林裏，身邊不許有女人，這是不是真的。她邊說邊把她的左擱在他的右腳上，做了個動作，就像女人挑逗男人作出愛撫動作時那樣，教科書通常稱之爲“爬樹”。席特哈爾塔感覺到自己的血變熱了，因爲這時他又想起了他的夢，他朝那女人微微彎下腰，用嘴脣親吻她的乳房那深褐色的乳頭。他看到她仰着臉滿懷慾念地微笑，眯細的眼睛在渴望地懇求。
席特哈爾塔也感覺到了慾望，性慾的源泉奔涌不已，但因爲他還從來沒有接觸過女人，他猶豫了一下，他的雙手已經準備好了去摟抱她。就在這時，他驚懼地聽見了自己內心的聲音，這聲音說的是“不”。於是，那年輕女人的笑臉頓時失去了全部魅力，他看見的只是一隻發情雌獸的水汪汪的目光。他友好地摸了摸她的臉蛋兒，轉過身去，步履輕快地走進了竹叢，從這個感到失望的女人面前消失了。