諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第15章Part3
"There was this piece of goods Mrs. Garner gave me. pes it had with little flowers in between. 'Bout a yard — not enough for more 'n a head tie. ButI been wanting to make a shift for my girl with it. Had the prettiest colors. I don't even know whatyou call that color: a rose but with yellow in it. For the longest time I been meaning to make it forher and do you know like a fool I left it behind? No more than a yard, and I kept putting it offbecause I was tired or didn't have the time. So when I got here, even before they let me get out ofbed, I stitched her a little something from a piece of cloth Baby Suggs had. Well, all I'm saying isthat's a selfish pleasure I never had before. I couldn't let all that go back to where it was, and Icouldn't let her nor any of em live under schoolteacher. That was out."Sethe knew that the circle she was making around the room, him, the subject, would remain one.
That she could never close in, pin it down for anybody who had to ask. If they didn't get it right off— she could never explain. Because the truth was simple, not a long drawn-out record of floweredshifts, tree cages, selfishness, ankle ropes and wells. Simple: she was squatting in the garden andwhen she saw them coming and recognized schoolteacher's hat, she heard wings. Littlehummingbirds stuck their needle beaks right through her headcloth into her hair and beat theirwings. And if she thought anything, it was No. No. Nono. Nonono. Simple. She just flew. Collected every bit of life she had made, all the parts of her that were precious and fine andbeautiful, and carried, pushed, dragged them through the veil, out, away, over there where no onecould hurt them. Over there. Outside this place, where they would be safe. And the hummingbirdwings beat on. Sethe paused in her circle again and looked out the window. She remembered whenthe yard had a fence with a gate that somebody was always latching and unlatchingin the. timewhen 124 was busy as a way station. She did not see the whiteboys who pulled it down, yanked upthe posts and smashed the gate leaving 124 desolate and exposed at the very hour when everybodystopped dropping by. The shoulder weeds of Bluestone Road were all that came toward the house.
When she got back from the jail house, she was glad the fence was gone. That's where they hadhitched their horses — where she saw, floating above the railing as she squatted in the garden,school-teacher's hat. By the time she faced him, looked him dead in the eye, she had something inher arms that stopped him in his tracks. He took a backward step with each jump of the baby heartuntil finally there were none.
"I stopped him," she said, staring at the place where the fence used to be. "I took and put my babieswhere they'd be safe."
"加納太太給了我一塊好東西——印花布，豎條中間夾着小碎花。大概有一碼——只夠做一條頭巾的。可我一直想用它給我的女兒變個花樣。顏色真漂亮。我簡直不知道你應該管那色兒叫什麼：玫瑰紅裏帶點黃色。我花了好長時間準備給她做出來，可你不知道，我像個蠢貨一樣把它落在那兒了。連一碼都不到，我一直放着它，因爲我又累又沒工夫。所以我到了這兒以後，在他們還不讓我下牀的時候，就用一塊貝比·薩格斯的布料給她縫了件小東西。唉，我只是想說那是一種我從來沒有過的自私自利的樂趣。我不能讓那一切都回到從前，我也不能讓她或者他們任何一個在-學校老師-手底下活着。那已經一去不返了。"
塞絲知道，她在房間、他和話題周圍兜的圈子會延續下去。她永遠不能圍攏來，爲了哪個刨根問底的人將它按住。如果他們沒有馬上明白——她也永遠不會解釋。因爲事實很簡單，不是一長串流水賬，關於什麼變花樣、樹上掛籃、自私自利、腳脖子上的繩子和水井。很簡單：她蹲在菜園裏，當她看見他們趕來，並且認出了"學校老師"的帽子時，她的耳邊響起了鼓翼聲。小蜂鳥將針喙一下子穿透她的頭巾，扎進頭髮，扇動着翅膀。如果說她在想什麼，那就是不。不。不不。不不不。很簡單。她就飛了起來。收拾起她創造出的每一個生命，她所有寶貴、優秀和美麗的部分，拎着、推着、拽着他們穿過幔帳，出去，走開，到沒人能傷害他們的地方去。到那裏去。遠離這個地方，去那個他們能獲得安全的地方。蜂鳥的翅膀扇個不停。塞絲在轉的圈子中又停頓了一下，向窗外望去。她記得，當時院子曾經有道帶門的柵欄，總有人在開門閂關門閂，那個時期124號像個驛站一樣門庭若市。她沒有看見那些白人孩子把它拆毀，拽倒了柱子，砸碎了門，正好在所有人停止過訪的時刻讓124號變得荒涼而光禿。唯有藍石路路肩的野草仍向這座房子爬來。
當她從牢裏歸來時，她很高興柵欄不見了。那正是他們拴馬的地方——她蹲在菜園裏看見的，"學校老師"的帽子從欄杆上方飄來。等到她面對他，死死盯住他的眼睛的時候，她懷裏抱着的什麼東西止住了他的追蹤。嬰兒的心每跳一下，他就退後一步，直到最後，心跳徹底停息。
"我止住了他。"她凝視着曾經有過柵欄的地方，說道，"我把我的寶貝們帶到了安全的地方。"
