諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第15章Part4

The roaring in Paul D's head did not prevent him from hearing the pat shegave to the last word, and it occurred to him that what she wanted for her children was exactlywhat was missing in 124: safety. Which was the very first message he got the day he walkedthrough the door. He thought he had made it safe, had gotten rid of the danger; beat the shit out ofit; run it off the place and showed it and everybody else the difference between a mule and a plow. And because she had not done it before he got there her own self, he thought it was because she could not do it. That she lived with 124 in helpless, apologetic resignation because she had nochoice; that minus husband, sons, mother-in-law, she and her slow-witted daughter had to livethere all alone making do. The prickly, mean-eyed Sweet Home girl he knew as Halle's girl wasobedient (like Halle), shy (like Halle), and work-crazy (like Halle). He was wrong. This here Sethewas new. The ghost in her house didn't bother her for the very same reason a room-and-boardwitch with new shoes was welcome. This here Sethe talked about love like any other woman;talked about baby clothes like any other woman, but what she meant could cleave the bone. Thishere Sethe talked about safety with a handsaw. This here new Sethe didn't know where the worldstopped and she began. Suddenly he saw what Stamp Paid wanted him to see: more important thanwhat Sethe had done was what she claimed. It scared him.
"Your love is too thick," he said, thinking, That bitch is looking at me; she is right over my headlooking down through the floor at me.
"Too thick?" she said, thinking of the Clearing where Baby Suggs' commands knocked the podsoff horse chestnuts. "Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all.""Yeah. It didn't work, did it? Did it work?" he asked.
"It worked," she said.

保羅·D腦袋裏的咆哮沒能阻止他聽到她強調的最後一句話。他忽然發現，她爲她的孩子們爭取的東西偏偏是124號所缺乏的：安全。這正是那天他走進門時接收到的第一個信號。他以爲他已經使124號獲得了安全，驅逐了危險；把那個混賬鬼魂打出家門；把它趕出門去，讓它和其他人都看到一頭騾子和一張犁的區別。因爲在他之前她自己沒有幹這一切，他就以爲是因爲她幹不了。她和124號生活在無助、愧疚的屈從中，是因爲她別無選擇；失去了丈夫、兒子、婆婆，她和她的遲鈍的女兒只能孤單地住在那裏捱日子。這個渾身是刺、眼睛冒火的"甜蜜之家"的姑娘，他認識的黑爾的姑娘，曾是那樣順從（像黑爾一樣）、害羞（像黑爾一樣）的一個工作狂（像黑爾一樣）。他錯了。眼前的這個塞絲是全新的。她房子裏的鬼並沒有讓她煩惱，出於同樣的原因，一個穿着新鞋、白吃白住的女巫也在家裏受到歡迎。眼前的這個塞絲像所有其他女人一樣談起愛，像所有其他女人一樣談起嬰兒的小衣服，可是她的本意卻能夠劈開骨頭。眼前的這個塞絲談起一把手鋸帶來的安全。眼前的這個全新的塞絲不知道世界在哪裏停止，而她又從哪裏開始。突然間他看到了斯坦普·沛德想讓他看的東西：比塞絲的所作所爲更重要的是她的動機。這把他嚇壞了。
"你的愛太濃了。"他說道，心想，那條母狗在看着我；她正在我的頭頂上穿透屋頂俯視着我。
"太濃了？"她回道，又想起了"林間空地"，貝比·薩格斯的號令在那裏震落了七葉樹的莢果。"要麼是愛，要麼不是。淡的愛根本就不是愛。""對。它不管用，對不對？它管用了嗎？"他問。
"它管用了。"她說。