諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第15章Part5(END)

"How? Your boys gone you don't know where. One girl dead, the other won't leave the yard. Howdid it work?""They ain't at Sweet Home. Schoolteacher ain't got em.""Maybe there's worse.""It ain't my job to know what's worse. It's my job to know what is and to keep them away fromwhat I know is terrible. I did that.""What you did was wrong, Sethe.""I should have gone on back there? Taken my babies back there?""There could have been a way. Some other way.""What way?""You got two feet, Sethe, not four," he said, and right then a forest sprang up between them;trackless and quiet.
Later he would wonder what made him say it. The calves of his youth? or the conviction that hewas being observed through the ceiling? How fast he had moved from his shame to hers. From his cold-house secret straight to her too-thick love. Meanwhile the forest was locking the distancebetween them, giving it shape and heft. He did not put his hat on right away. First he fingered it, deciding how his going would be, how tomake it an exit not an escape. And it was very important not to leave without looking. He stood up,turned and looked up the white stairs. She was there all right. Standing straight as a line with herback to him. He didn't rush to the door. He moved slowly and when he got there he opened itbefore asking Sethe to put supper aside for him because he might be a little late getting back. Onlythen did he put on his hat. Sweet, she thought. He must think I can't bear to hear him say it. That after all I have told him andafter telling me how many feet I have, "goodbye" would break me to pieces. Ain't that sweet. "Solong," she murmured from the far side of the trees.

"怎麼管用了？你的兒子們走了，可你不知道他們去了哪兒。一個女兒死了，另一個不肯邁出院子一步。它怎麼管用了？" "他們不在-甜蜜之家-學校老師-沒抓走他們。""沒準兒倒更糟呢。""我纔不管什麼更糟呢。我只知道什麼可怕，然後讓他們躲得遠遠的。我做到了。""你做錯了，塞絲。""我應該回到那兒去？把我的寶貝們帶回到那兒去？""可能有個辦法。別的辦法。""什麼辦法？""你長了兩隻腳，塞絲，不是四隻。"他說道。就在這時，一座森林驟然聳立在他們中間，無徑可尋，而且一片死寂。
事後他會納悶，是什麼驅使他那麼說的。是年輕時代的小母牛？還是因爲他確信屋頂有人在盯着他？他從自己的恥辱跳到了她的恥辱，多快啊。從他的冷藏室祕密，直接跳到了她的過濃的愛。同時，那片森林在鎖定他們之間的距離，給它規定了形狀和重量。他沒有立即戴上帽子。他先是用手指碰了碰它，盤算着他應該怎樣離去，怎樣才能算是退場，而不是逃脫。更要緊的是，不能不看上一眼就離開。他站起來，轉過身看着白樓梯。她倒的確在那兒。背對着他，站得筆直。他沒有向門口奔去。他慢慢地蹭到那裏，打開門，然後告訴塞絲晚飯別等他了，因爲他可能晚一點回來。直到這時他才戴上帽子。真可愛，她想。他肯定以爲我聽他說出來會受不了。以爲在我全告訴了他之後，在對我講了我有幾隻腳之後，"再見"會把我打個粉碎。那不是挺可愛嗎？"別了。"她在樹林的遠端嘟噥着。