女人，當婚姻成爲過去時，你可以過得更好的

I don't know about most divorced ladies, but I saw my split with my husband coming -- by a few years. I'd brought it up a few times, and he kept talking me out of it, which was sort of a relief. But I knew I was just postponing the inevitable. So I came up with the list: My Plan B. Everything I needed to put in order before I could divorce my husband for real, this time.

我不知道其他有過離婚經歷的女性是怎樣的，但我和我丈夫的分居經過了好長時間的迂迴。我向他提出來好多次分居要求，他也作出過讓我心軟的挽回。但是我心裏面明白，這只是時間的問題，我和他之間的分開是無可避免的。所以，我給自己做了一個B計劃，因爲如果離婚不可避免，我要我的生活重回正軌。

I'm so glad I made that list and followed through with it. I'm glad I didn't wallow in denial -- or in false hope. Some might say I doomed my marriage by giving up that hope and planning for the worst. But who's to say what the worst is? I say planning for a split is the most hopeful thing a woman can do.

我很慶幸我做出了這個計劃，而且按照計劃行事。我也很慶幸我沒有因爲婚姻的不幸而就此沉淪，或是變得不切實際。一些人可能會說，我對我的婚姻主動放棄，還爲之做出這種糟糕的計劃。但誰說這種計劃是糟糕的呢？相反，做出計劃對分居以後的女人來講是十分有幫助的事。

First on my list was to get a full-time job with health insurance. Before I'd just sort of pieced together a career with freelance this and that. But if I was going to be on my own, I'd need much more stability. No more swinging from vine to vine. Plus, I knew I'd need a reason to get dressed and leave my home every day. I knew working from home in my pajamas would not be conducive to my recovery.

計劃的第一條是：找一份全職工作，並給自己買健康保險。之前的工作都是些零散的自由投稿人之類的工作做。然而現在我要靠我自己生存了，所以，我需要我的工作更加穩定。不能消沉酗酒，我需要的是整齊着裝，做個職場女性，我知道，穿着睡衣在家工作很難讓自己振作起來。

But it wasn't enough for me to just get "a" job. Something about taking the bold step of admitting I was headed toward a divorce also emboldened me to stop monkeying around with my career and start working at something I actually wanted to do. As long as I was thinking about what I wanted my life to look like, it just made sense to apply that to my career.

當然不僅僅是找一份工作是不夠的，有時候必須大膽的承認自己面臨着離婚，必須鼓勵自己向着自己一直以來的寫作夢想前進。只要我規劃我的事業和人生，我的事業就會通往成功。

And then I got a hold of my finances. I should have been doing this all along, but I created a spreadsheet tracking all my expenses. I wanted to find out if I could actually make it on my own. To my great relief, the math all worked out.

合理理財也是我的計劃之一。早就該這樣做了。我創建了一個電子表格，將我所有的開支全記錄在案，我想試一下自己理財的能力，還好，結果表明我的數學頭腦是夠用的。

That's not everything from Plan B, but it's enough to show something interesting: Planning for the "worst" outcome actually improved my life before I even started to divorce my husband. Suddenly it was no longer about giving up -- it was about making smart choices and planning for the future. Even if I hadn't decided to divorce, I would have been moving ahead with a clearer vision of what I wanted my life to look like.

當然生活裏有很多事是B計劃裏沒有的，但是這個離婚前的B計劃幫助我在最難得時候過得很好。驀然間，我覺得我這麼做不是對生活的放棄，而是用最聰明的方式去迎接未來。儘管，離婚對於我來說是不可避免的不幸，我的離婚前B計劃卻在這個時候讓我更清晰的看到我想要的未來。

You never know what's going to happen next. It may not be divorce -- your husband could die suddenly. Anything could happen. Viewing your life through the lens of "what if" can be just the motivation and perspective shift you need to make changes that will make you happier regardless of what happens with your marriage.

你永遠無法預測未來，人生是什麼都有可能發生的，也許不是離婚然你們分離，也許天災人禍讓你們陰陽兩相隔。爲你的未來做幾個假設可以讓你改變觀點和視角。所以，請確保無論你的婚姻發生什麼狀況，你都會活的快樂。

Have you ever made plans for what you'd do if you lost or divorced your spouse?

所以，女人們，你有計劃嗎？

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