白領必備 婉拒熱情老闆的邀請攻略

When exchanging small talk with my workaholic boss, I told him I’d rented a villa in Mallorca this summer. It turns out he owns a house nearby and will be there at the same time. To my horror, he has invited me over with my wife and sons. Which is more career limiting: to lie to get out of it or to turn up with mutinous wife and twin two-year-olds – guaranteed to throw tantrums and fall in the pool? Isn’t the point of a holiday that you have two weeks freed from office politics? Help!
Manager, male, 34
Lucy's answer
Yes, the point of a holiday is that you have a two-week exeat from office politics and from seeing your colleagues at all. The only snag is that you can’t have a holiday unless you have a job, and having a job of the sort that you have requires keeping on the right side of your boss.
So I suggest that you put out feelers to see whether he was merely being polite in issuing the invitation. It is possible that his desire to see you is as low as your desire to see him. Use the twins as an excuse and a warning and see if he takes it.
But I fear that since he is a workaholic, which means he probably hates holidays, he is actively eager to leaven his break with anyone who reminds him of the office. In that case he will take it in very poor spirit if you decline his offer.
This leaves the issue of your mutinous wife and troublesome two year olds. I rather approve of mutinous wives; I can see why yours might feel that way if you spend the year in the office and that as soon as you are on holiday she is expected to endure a sticky car journey to see your boss. Seething is exactly what I would do in her shoes.
So what you should do is leave her behind, with the more troublesome of the twins and strike out to visit your boss with the other one. You can explain that the other child has got an ear infection from the pool, which, in my experience of holidays in Mallorca, will probably be true, and that your wife, sadly, has to stay behind to look after him.
Then turn up at some point in the afternoon – don’t consider a meal – and be super friendly. Tell him how fabulous his house is, and ask a lot of keen questions about how long he’s had it for. The minute your child starts cutting up rough, you have the perfect excuse to leave. Everyone is delighted to see the back of guests with troublesome infants.
Make sure you fix this date as near to the start of your holiday as possible. That way you get it over quickly, and you’ll find a 13-day break from office politics is almost as good as a fortnight’s one.
Your advice
Be graceful
Don’t be so churlish. Accept gracefully, arrange a time when the twins can sleep beforehand (wear them out if necessary), stay for an hour or so, leave before they get tired and don’t talk shop. If you do, you invite a mutiny.
Manager (retired), female
Avoid at all cost
I have a lovely olive mill in Mallorca, where there is a nearby reservoir with a dam from which you jump three metres into the water. Last summer my managing partner unexpectedly rented a holiday villa nearby so I invited him up to lunch, after which we all proceeded to jump into the reservoir. To my horror, not only would he not jump, he would also not swim, and was quite visibly afraid. Net result of this is that my opinion of him plummeted?.?.?.?and has never since recovered. So save your career by avoiding the invitation at all costs.
Professional male
Hands-on dad
If your wife is disinclined to go with you, leave her behind in your rented villa – she deserves a break more than anyone. Take all the kit you need for your twins to use the pool (ask your wife if you don’t know) and ask your boss to supervise one of them while you take charge of the other. You and your boss won’t have the time or energy to talk shop or discuss office politics and you will earn brownie points with his wife, if not with him, for being a hands-on father.
Another mutinous wife
Win-win
This seems a win for you, no matter what happens. If your wife turns out mutinous and rude, you can always apologise when you’re at work, and he can tut-tut in sexist sympathy. If your kids puke over everything, the same. Of course, if your family and his get along famously, all the better. Whichever way, he will see you in a different context, and you will have something to talk about other than work.
Anon
Jealous hoax
This surely is a hoax by a jealous colleague who will not be going to Mallorca. It is clear the boss is reading the FT like we all do – and this “Manager, male, 34” will appear in his eyes extremely stupid, even insulting, to have posted the question here.

我老闆是個工作狂，有次我跟他閒聊時，說起我今年夏天在馬略卡島租了棟別墅。結果他在附近有所房子，而且夏天也要住那兒。他還邀請我帶老婆兒子去他家玩，嚇我一身汗。我該作何選擇纔不阻礙職業發展呢：撒謊擺脫這件事，還是帶着我任性的妻子和肯定會哭鬧、會跌進泳池的2歲雙胞胎一起去他家？假期的意義不就是讓你有兩週時間從辦公室政治中解脫出來嗎？救命啊！
經理，男性，34歲
露西的建議
是的，假期的意義是讓你有2周時間暫時遠離辦公室政治，不用再面對同事。問題只有一個，你能度假的前提是你得有份工作，而且像你這樣的工作還得跟老闆搞好關係。
所以我建議你試探下他，看他發出邀請是否純粹出於禮貌。很可能他想看到你的意願跟你想看到他的意願一樣低。擺出雙胞胎作爲藉口和警告，看他能否接受。
不過我擔心既然他是個工作狂，那麼他很可能討厭休假，正盼着來個讓他想起辦公室的人。這種情況下如果你拒絕他的提議，他會非常不悅。
於是你的問題就只剩下任性的妻子和愛惹麻煩的2歲孩子。我比較贊同任性的妻子們，我能理解爲什麼她會不高興，如果你已在辦公室忙碌了一整年，好不容易有個假期，她卻得忍受一段不愉快的汽車之旅去見你老闆。如果我是她，我一定火冒三丈。
所以你該做的是留下她和雙胞胎裏比較鬧的那個，你則帶着另一個去拜訪老闆。你可以解釋說另一個孩子在泳池裏感染了耳朵（就我個人在馬略卡島的經驗來看，這很有可能），很遺憾你妻子得留在家裏照顧他。
記着下午去，別考慮一起吃飯，而且要表現得超友善。把他家房子誇得天花亂墜，問一大堆問題，比如他這套房子買了多久。等到你家孩子開始發脾氣，你就有了離開的完美藉口。主人會很高興客人帶着吵鬧的幼兒告辭的。
務必將拜訪日期約在你假期開始時，越早越好。這樣就可以趕緊結束這件事，然後你會發覺13天遠離辦公室政治的假期跟14天幾乎沒差別。
讀者的建議
要得體
別失禮。你可以得體的接受邀請，把時間安排在雙胞胎睡覺以後（如有必要可以提前耗盡他們的精力），在老闆家逗留一個小時左右，在主人感到疲倦前告辭，不要談工作的事。如果你提及工作，你就是在招你妻子發火。
經理（已退休），女性
無論如何都要避開
我在馬略卡島有間可愛的橄欖油磨坊，挨着一個建有大壩的水庫，大壩高出水面3米，你可以從大壩上跳進水裏。去年夏天我的管理合夥人在附近租了棟度假別墅，讓我很是意外，於是我邀請他一起吃午餐。飯後我們都去水庫跳水，結果我被嚇到了，他既不跳水，也不游泳，而且明顯很害怕。這件事的結果是我對他的看法一落千丈，而且再也沒恢復過來。所以爲了你的職業生涯考慮，無論如何也要避開這次邀請。
專業人士，男性
好爸爸
如果你妻子不願和你一起去，就讓她留在別墅裏——她比誰都有理由休假。帶齊小孩下泳池的所有裝備（不知道就問你妻子），然後你自己照顧一個，請你老闆幫忙照看另一個。你們不會有時間和精力去談工作或討論辦公室政治的。作爲一個親自照顧孩子的好父親，就算你老闆不給你加分，他妻子也會的。
另一個任性的妻子
雙贏
無論發生什麼事，貌似都對你有利。如果你妻子果然無理取鬧，你可以在上班時道歉，而你的老闆則會嘆息着對你報以大男子主義的同情。如果你孩子吐得哪哪都是，一樣。當然，如果你們兩家人相處融洽就更好了。無論怎樣，你老闆將會看到你的另一面，而且你以後跟老闆就有了工作以外的話題。
匿名
嫉妒的圈套
這肯定是一個去不了馬略卡島，滿心嫉妒的同事下的圈套。很明顯文中這位老闆也像我們一樣是《金融時報》的讀者，而這位“34歲的男性經理”在他眼裏將顯得極端愚蠢，甚至無禮，居然在這兒把問題公佈出來。