研究表明 勸慰別人時候只要靜靜聆聽就可以了

Struggling for the right thing to say -- or post on Facebook -- over a loved one's hardship? You can stop now.
當所愛之人經歷困境，你是否很糾結不知道說什麼或者在Facebook上發表些什麼？你現在可以什麼都不用說了。

Turns out there isn't really one right phrase that will make everything better, according to a series of studies published in the journal Basic and Applied Social Psychology.
發表在《基礎與應用社會心理學》雜誌上的一系列研究表明，實際上並沒有一個正確的短語能讓一切變得更好。

Psychologists at Wayne State University in Detroit asked 54 undergrads to rate 96 "supportive" statements, tackling eight hypothetical crisis situations.
底特律韋恩州立大學的心理學家讓54名本科生對96種“支持性”敘述進行打分，處理8種假設的危機情況。

With the statements, they cast a wide net -- from optimistic reassurances ("things have a way of working out for the best") to phrases designed to make them feel included ("so what if you didn't make the team -- now you can spend more time with us").
通過這些敘述，他們撒下了一張大網：從樂觀的保證（“事情會有最好的結果的”），到旨在讓他們感到被包容的短語（“如果你沒有加入團隊，那又怎樣?現在你可以花更多時間與我們在一起了”）。

But no one approach struck a chord with participants. Instead, and as previous research in this field has suggested, soul-soothing words seem to boil down to individual preferences.
但沒有一種說法能引起參與者的共鳴。相反，正如這一領域之前的研究所表明的，撫慰心靈的話語似乎可以歸結爲個人喜好。

Simply put: it's down to people's individual quirks, which can be hard to predict.
簡單地說：這取決於人的個人癖好，很難預測。

To further back up their hypothesis, lead researcher Shawna Tanner's team tasked 33 clinical psychologists, undergrad and graduate clinical trainees with rating statements made by counselors in therapy training videos.
爲了進一步支持他們的假設，首席研究員肖娜·坦納的團隊讓33名臨牀心理學家、本科和研究生臨牀實習生觀看心理治療師在治療培訓視頻中所做的分級敘述。

Again, there was virtually no unanimity about which statements helped more than hurt.
同樣，對於哪些敘述的幫助大於傷害，幾乎沒有一致意見。

Kim Allen-McGinley, a Staten Island-based psychotherapist, says it doesn't really matter exactly what you say. Just say something -- and, more importantly, listen.
斯塔頓島的心理治療師金·艾倫-麥克金利說，你說什麼真的並不重要。說點什麼就可以了，更重要的是傾聽。

"The most important thing you can do for a loved one in pain is respect their healing process and let them know you're there for them with no conditions," says Allen-McGinley.
艾倫-麥克金利說：“你能爲處於痛苦中的所愛之人做的最重要的事情，就是尊重他們的康復過程，讓他們知道你無條件地支持他們。”

"Most people in a lot of pain tend to carry feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and depression, so it's important that they feel they have a safe place to share these emotions without judgement."
“大多數處於極度痛苦中的人往往會感到羞恥、內疚、焦慮和抑鬱，所以重要的是，他們覺得自己有一個安全的地方來分享這些情緒，而不需要被評頭論足。”