當命運對我說“不行”

"Please let my son be normal!"
“請讓我的兒子恢復正常吧！”
I was a young Father.
那時我初爲人父
My first born son had been diagnosed with Autism two years earlier.
兩年前，我的第一個兒子被診斷出患有自閉症
His speech wasn't developing right.
他的表達能力沒有按照正常的規律發育
He had many repetitive behaviors.
他有很多刻板重複的行爲
Often he would cry for a long time for no reason.
時常他會無緣無故的大哭很久
My daughter
而我的女兒
who had been born two years after him
比他晚兩年出生
was developing normally,
發育卻很正常
out-pacing her brother.
發育水平已經超過了她的哥哥
My wife had been content with just the two of them
我的妻子對這兩個孩子感到心滿意足
but I'd wanted another son.
但我一直想要再生一個兒子
I wanted a normal son.
我想要一個正常的兒子
My ego wanted a son who would be just like me
我卑劣的希望有一個兒子，他和我一樣
and carry on the family name.
能夠延續香火
The doctors at the time had assured us that
當時的醫生篤定的告訴我們
the chances were one in ten thousand
只有萬分之一的機率
that we would have another child with Autism.
我們會再生一個自閉症的孩子
Still, a part of me was afraid.
可是，一部分的我還是心存恐懼
When we discovered then that
後來，當我們發現
my wife was pregnant with a boy again,
我的妻子又懷了一個男孩的時候
I remember saying this,
我記得自己曾這樣哀求
over and over and over.
一遍一遍又一遍的重複
As my third born child grew up,
當我的三兒子逐漸長大
however,
事與願違
it soon became clear that
我們很快發現
the doctors had been wrong.
醫生們的話錯了
It soon became clear that
很快事情就很清楚了
he had an even more extreme form of Autism
他的自閉症十分嚴重
than his older brother had.
比他的哥哥更甚
While his brother had eventually learned to talk,
當他的哥哥最終學會言談
read,
閱讀
and learn
學習的時候
my youngest son could say only a few words.
我最小的兒子只能說出寥寥幾個詞
His Autistic behaviors were much more severe.
他的自閉症病狀更加嚴重
He had many crying fits
他會時常大哭
and would hit himself.
還會打自己
He tore things up
他會把東西撕碎
and broke things.
還會打碎東西
He had trouble relating to us
他與我們交流十分困難
and was mainly lost in his own world.
大部分時間都沉浸在自己的世界裏
Life had said, "No" to my prayer.
命運對我的祈求說了“不行”
The journey that followed
之後的生活軌跡
has been a long and difficult one
變得漫長而艱辛
for my sons, my daughter,
對我的兩個兒子，我的女兒
their mother, and myself.
三個孩子的母親，和我自己都是如此
It still goes on today.
今天這旅程仍在繼續
It has been full of stress and pain
這旅途中充滿壓力和苦痛
but also learning and growth.
但也有學習和成長
It forced all of us down a path
它讓我們不得不走向一條道路
we didn't want to go,
一條我們本不願意走的路
but it was a path that led us all to greater love,
但這條路讓我們學會了更愛彼此
faith, and kindness.
學會信任，學會仁慈
In the end
最後
my two boys became my greatest teachers
我的兩個兒子都成爲了我最好的老師
on how to live
教會我如何生活
and how to love.
如何去愛
My oldest son now is a fountain of kindness
我的大兒子如今已然是善意的源泉
who gives out hugs easily
他會十分輕易的給予擁抱
and happily.
並且樂此不疲
His younger brother still doesn't speak much
他的弟弟並不怎麼說話
but has a laughter and innate joy
當他笑起來的時候，總透出內在的喜悅
that brightens my soul
那笑容照亮我的靈魂
each and every day of my life.
每一次，在我生活中的每一天都是如此
I often think that
我時常想到
if I could one day
如果有一天我也能夠
learn my oldest son's love
像我的大兒子那樣去愛
and my youngest son's joy
像我的小兒子那樣去喜悅
that I would know
我就會了解
how the happiest man in the world feel.
世界上最幸福的人是如何想的
I am no longer mad at my life
我不再對命運心存怨恨
either for saying, "No" to my prayer.
即便命運曾對我的祈求說“不行”
If He had said "Yes"
如果他曾說“好的”
I would never have become the person I am today.
我就不會變成今天的我這樣的人了
I wouldn't be writing this right now.
此刻我就不會寫着這篇文章了
I wouldn't be trying so hard to remind my readers
我也不會如此執意的提醒我的讀者們
of just how lucky we all are.
我們是多麼幸運啊
Sometimes
有時
life says "No" to something we ask for
生活對我們所求的某事說“不行”
in order to give us something much better.
是爲了給予我們某種更好的東西
Sometimes
有時
we don't know why
我們不知道
some of our wishes are answered
爲什麼自己的有些願望能夠實現
while others aren't.
另一些卻不行
All I know is that we are all loved.
我唯一知道的是，我們都被愛着
Life has a plan for us all.
生活早已爲我們所有人都做出了妥善的安排
And sometimes
所以，有時
we just have to trust
我們只需要去相信
even if we don't know the answers.
就算自己不知道答案
Live your life with love then.
帶着愛意去過自己的生活吧
Trust in life
相信生活
to lead you down the path
它會引領你一路走下去
you are meant to go.
走向註定的方向