讓人笑得直不起腰的英語笑話
英語笑話作爲良好的英語教學素材應該可以被廣泛的運用到英語教學中。下面是本站小編帶來的讓人笑得直不起腰的英語笑話，歡迎閱讀!
Where Do You Keep Yours? 你的東西放到哪兒去了?
The famous, but rather aged, doctor was making his rounds, followed by a young intern. Suddenly the intern noticed something peculiar.
一位上了年紀的著名醫生正在各病房做例行巡視，一位年輕的實習醫生跟着他，突然那名實習醫生注意到一件怪事。
“Say, doctor, are you aware that you have a suppository behind your ear?”
“醫師先生，您有沒發現您耳朵放了一支栓劑呢?”
“Oh, shit!” exclaimed the eminent practitioner. “Do you know what this means?”
“喔!真是糟糕!”那位名醫說道“，你知道那表示什麼嗎?”
“What?”
“什麼呢?”
“Some asshole has got my pen!”
“我把我的鋼筆塞到某一位病人的屁股裏面去了!”
讓人笑得直不起腰的英語笑話篇二We’re in the Same Boat 同病相憐
The young man was terribly self-conscious because he had a wooden eye. His friends would often invite him dance parties, but he could never work up the courage to ask a girl to dance.
一位年輕人因爲他有隻木製的眼睛而感到非常自卑。他的朋友常會邀請他參加舞會，但他從沒能鼓起勇氣邀請女孩子跳舞。
But then, one evening, he spotted a girl with a wooden leg sitting sadly by herself. Apprehensively, he walked up to her and asked, “Would you like to dance?”
有一晚，他卻不經意看見一位裝了一隻木製義肢的女孩獨自傷心地坐在角落。他很謹慎地走向她問道“：你要不要跳舞呀?”
“Would I?!”she exclaimed.
“我要不要?”她驚叫。
“Oh, yeah? Well, you’ve got a wooden leg!”
“哦，怎麼了 ?你有一隻木製的義肢——(而我有一隻木製的假眼，咱們應是天生的一對嘛!)。”
讓人笑得直不起腰的英語笑話篇三Its Advantages 老馬識途
A young vice-president of a bad had embezzled $200,000, and squandered it at the race track. The bank examiners were due the next day, and there was no way he could conceal his crime. What’s more, when he told the sad tale to his wife, she packed her bags and left him.
一位年輕的銀行副總裁挪用了二十萬美金的公款，並悉數浪費在賽馬上，銀行的督察第二天就要來視察，而他也沒辦法隱瞞他的不法行爲。更糟的是，當他把此一不幸的消息告訴他老婆時，她竟收拾行李，離他而去。
Totally despondent, the young man headed for the nearest bridge and prepared to throw himself into the river. Just as he was about to leap off, a hideous old hag ran up to him, shouting for him to stop.
年輕人非常沮喪地走向離家最近的一座橋想投河自盡。就在他要跳下水時，一位面目可憎的老巫婆跑上前去，制止了他的行動。
“You don’t understand,” explained the banker, and told her about his predicament.
“你不瞭解我的痛苦，”銀行家說道，並且把他的困境告訴老巫婆。
“Ha-ha,” chortled the hag. “Why, that’s nothing. It just so happens that I’m a witch, and I can solve all you problems.”
“哈哈!”巫婆咯咯地笑“，那也沒什麼，剛好我是個女巫，我可以解決你所有的難題。”
The witch seemed to concentrate, made some mystic signs and uttered a series of bizarre phrases.
接着女巫似乎全神專注地在空中比劃一些玄妙的符號，口中還念着一大串奇怪的話。
“There you are,” she said triumphantly. “Not only is the money returned, but there’s another $200,000 in your safe deposit box. And your wife is back at home and the whole matter has been erased from her memory.”
“你的問題我都幫你解決了，”她得意洋洋地說道“，不僅要回了你那二十萬，你的保險櫃裏面還多了二十萬美金!你太太也已回家，而且我已從她的記憶中除去了這件不愉快的事!”
“My God, can this really be true?” exclaimed the man.
“我的天啊，你說的是真的嗎?”那個人說道。
“Of course,” replied the hag. “But if you want to keep it true, you must do one thing. You must take me to a hotel and screw my brains out.”
“當然啦!”巫婆回答道“，但是你如果要我保持目前這個狀況的話，就必須答應我一件事，帶我到旅社並和我做愛一個晚上。”
The man gulped, for the old woman was truly hideous, and smelt horrible as well. But seeing no alternative, he did as she requested, and holding his nose and averting his eyes, performed his duty manfully all night.
那個老兄吞了一口口水，因爲女巫不但長像可怕，而且渾身臭氣逼人。由於別無選擇，他答應了她的要求，整個晚上他屏住氣息，別過臉避開巫婆的視線，不停地履行他的承諾。
In the morning, as he was getting dressed, the repulsive crone turned to him and said, “Sonny, how old are you anyway?”
隔天早上，銀行家正在穿衣服，那令人厭惡的醜老太婆面向他問道“：小老弟，你究竟多大年紀呢?”
“Thirty-three,” replied the executive.
“三十三，”老兄答道。
“And don’t you think you’re a little bit old to believe in withes?”
你不認爲你實在年長得可以不相信有巫婆的存在了嗎?”
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