讓人忍俊不禁的英語雙語笑話合集
英語的笑話總是那麼的幽默而又搞笑，今天就讓我們一起來看看吧，希望大家會喜歡。
一、耳朵還在我衣兜裏
Ivan came home with a bloody nose
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家裏。
and his mother asked, "What happened?"
他媽媽問，“發生了什麼事?”
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.“
一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
“再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan.
“他走到哪裏我都能認出他，”伊凡說。
"I have his ear in my pocket."
“他的耳朵還在我衣兜裏呢。”
二、有你和我是候選人
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.
So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation.
"All who want to go to heaven, please rise."
Everyone got up except the snorer.
After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced,
"All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start ， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpi——
"Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on,
but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因爲總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，
讓他不要再在佈道時睡覺。
於是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”
所有的人都站了起來——
當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。
在低聲說過請坐後，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。
看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看着他。
這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什麼，
但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”
三、我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,
小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，
he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
他叫我讓座給一位女士。”
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”
