英語爆笑笑話帶翻譯笑死人不償命

下面是本站小編整理的英語爆笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

英語爆笑笑話：Dream 夢想

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.

"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.

"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean.

"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.

農校的招生辦主任在面試一個上線的學生，“你爲何要選擇這個職業?”他問。 “我夢想以經營農場來賺一百萬元，就像我父親一樣。”這個學生回答說。 “你父親經營農場賺了一百萬元?”主任驚詫地問道。

“沒有，”這位申請人回答道，“他總是夢想着賺到這個數目。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：Wedding or Not

Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。

他回來即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了!”

　　英語爆笑笑話：A Boy with a Big Head大頭娃娃

A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."

"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."

"Where is the shopping bag?"

"I haven't got one-use your hat."

一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大。” “別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買十斤土豆來。”

“購物袋在哪兒?”

“沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：All Right 沒關係

Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.

我趕着開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯註:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)。啊噢，意識到犯了錯誤，我說。我剛纔拐彎是違章的。我想那沒關係的，女兒回答說：我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。

　　英語爆笑笑話：第一次開出租車

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀，想問個問題。司機大叫起來，車也失去了控制，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還上了便道，在還差幾釐米就撞上商店櫥窗時終於停了下來。

司機說：“夥計，別再這麼幹了。你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣。” 司機說：“對不起，也不全是你的錯。今天是我第一天開出租，以前25年裏我一直開殯葬車。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：摩西和耶穌

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

一個竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個喜歡的CD機，他趕緊拿了。就在這個時候他聽到有人說：“耶穌正在看着你。”他照着手電看來看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什麼人在說話?”這時，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。。。那聲音又來了：“耶穌正在看着你。”他躲到一個角落，想找出是誰在說話。結果看到一隻鸚鵡，於是他問鸚鵡：“是你在說話嗎?”鸚鵡承認了。 小賊說：“你叫什麼名字?”“摩西”。小賊說：“什麼人給鳥取這種名字?”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名爲‘耶穌’的那個人啊。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：Only One Eye to Settle On

The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一隻眼是假眼，你以前爲什麼不告訴我?” “怎麼沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面後，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

兩個小男孩在他們的祖父母家過夜。睡覺時間到了，這兩個小男孩跪在牀上祈禱。弟弟用非常大的聲音祈禱着，“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個新遊戲機……我祈求有一個新錄像機……”

他的哥哥用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了他一下，說：“你爲什麼這麼大聲地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聾子。”

弟弟聽了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!”

　　英語爆笑笑話：The Use of a Handsaw

At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.

Let's try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.

Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.

The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.

在集市上，我和妻子買了一些五金用品，包括一個手鋸。我們返回汽車時剛好路過一家牛排店。 “我們嚐嚐吧，”我妻子建議說。儘管我覺得拿着鋸有點傻乎乎的，但還是隨她走了進去。 我妻子掃視了一下菜單對女招待說：“請給我來一份炒牛腰片。” 女招待轉向我，看了看我的鋸，說道：“我能看出，先生，你是來吃我們的T形骨特色菜的。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：你爸爸幫你了嗎?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.

The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.

He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"

"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim."

一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。

老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。

他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麼回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎?"

"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做。"

　　英語爆笑笑話：怎麼把口香糖取出來呢

How do I get the gum out? Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?

怎麼把口香糖取出來呢當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機着陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裏面取出來呢?”

　　英語爆笑笑話：A Blind Beggar

There was a blind beggar wearing sunglasses and asking for money. A drunk man walked by, thinking the beggar was pitiful, threw him a hundred r walking a few steps, the drunkard turned around to see the blind man holding the money up to the sunlight to check if it was genuine. The drunk man, feeling cheated, ran back and snatched the money back, “You’re gonna die! How dare you cheat me…”The blind man, not wanting to feel like a cheater, retorted, “Hey man, I’m sorry, I’m just here to replace my friend who really is blind. He went to the bathroom, and should be right back… Actually… I’m mute.”“Oh, oh, in that case...” whereupon the drunk threw the money back and stumbled away.

在路邊一個盲人乞丐戴着墨鏡在街上行乞。一個醉漢走過來，覺得他可憐，就扔了一百元給他。走了一段路，醉漢一回頭，恰好看見那個盲人正對着太陽分辨那張百元大抄的真假。醉漢過來一把奪回錢道：“你不想活了，竟敢騙老子!” 盲人乞丐一臉委屈說：“大哥，真對不起啊，我是替一個朋友在這看一下，他是個瞎子，去上廁所了，其實我是個啞巴。”“哦，是這樣子啊!”於是醉漢扔下錢， 又搖搖晃晃地走了……