經典英語幽默笑話集錦
笑話幾乎涵蓋人們生活的所有領域,其中包括政治笑話、經濟笑話、家庭生活笑話、關於民族性格的笑話等。下面是本站小編帶來的英語幽默笑話集錦，歡迎閱讀!
(一)
豬還是女巫 Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.
一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"
他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬!!”
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!"
那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫!!”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pigin the middle of the road.
他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。
If only men would listen.
要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
(二)
The World's Greatest Swordsman
世界上最偉大的擊劍手
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀衆歡呼起來。緊接着排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼着世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來——然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀衆被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑着。
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
“你爲什麼這麼高興?”有人嚷道，“你沒擊中!”
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛纔沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活着，是的——但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。”
英語幽默笑話集錦閱讀(一)
天氣預報 Weather Predict
Weather Predict A film crew was on location deep in the desert.
天氣預報一個電影攝製組在沙漠深處工作.
One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."
一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrowstorm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
一週後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director.
"印度人真神,"導演說.
He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
他告訴祕書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩週,印度人不見了.
Finally the director sent for him.
最後,導演派人去把他叫來了.
"I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. Whatwill the weather be like?"
"我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
(二)
模仿鳥兒 Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show.
一個人想在一個舞臺劇中找份工作。
"What can you do?" asked the producer.
“你能幹什麼呢?”負責人問。
"Imitate birds," the man said.
“模仿鳥兒，”那人說。
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
“你在開玩笑吧?”負責人答道，“那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打。”
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
“噢，那就算了。”那名演員說着，展開翅膀，飛出了窗口。
英語幽默笑話集錦學習(一)
But the teacher cried
老師哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled.
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。
His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wantedanything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his firstday away from his grandmother's loving arms.
他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵着他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
“學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?”
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
“哭?”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”
(二)
鬧饑荒的原因 The Reason of the Famine
In one dinner party，a capitalist eyed bony Bernard Shawup and down regretfully， and said inall seriousness，"Look at your appearance，it really makes people believe that all theBritishare are starving."
在一次宴會上，一個資本家用遺憾的目光上下打量着瘦骨嶙峋的肖伯納，一本正經地說：“看看你的模樣，真叫人以爲英國人都在捱餓。”
Bernard Shaw，examining the potbellied capitalist，said，"But，I know as soon as I saw you thereason why Britain is suffering from famine."
肖伯納審視着大腹便便的資本家說：“但是，我一見到你，就知道英國正在鬧饑荒的原因了。”
