狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第40章Part1

It was not in the nature of things that a man of Mr Dombey's mood, opposed to such a spirit as he had raised against himself, should be softened in the imperious asperity of his temper; or that the cold hard armour of pride in which he lived encased, should be made more flexible by constant collision with haughty scorn and defiance. It is the curse of such a nature - it is a main part of the heavy retribution on itself it bears within itself - that while deference and concession swell its evil qualities, and are the food it grows upon, resistance and a questioning of its exacting claims, foster it too, no less. The evil that is in it finds equally its means of growth and propagation in opposites. It draws support and life from sweets and bitters; bowed down before, or unacknowledged, it still enslaves the breast in which it has its throne; and, worshipped or rejected, is as hard a master as the Devil in dark fables.
Towards his first wife, Mr Dombey, in his cold and lofty arrogance, had borne himself like the removed Being he almost conceived himself to be. He had been 'Mr Dombey' with her when she first saw him, and he was 'Mr Dombey' when she died. He had asserted his greatness during their whole married life, and she had meekly recognised it. He had kept his distant seat of state on the top of his throne, and she her humble station on its lowest step; and much good it had done him, so to live in solitary bondage to his one idea. He had imagined that the proud character of his second wife would have been added to his own - would have merged into it, and exalted his greatness. He had pictured himself haughtier than ever, with Edith's haughtiness subservient to his. He had never entertained the possibility of its arraying itself against him. And now, when he found it rising in his path at every step and turn of his daily life, fixing its cold, defiant, and contemptuous face upon him, this pride of his, instead of withering, or hanging down its head beneath the shock, put forth new shoots, became more concentrated and intense, more gloomy, sullen, irksome, and unyielding, than it had ever been before.
Who wears such armour, too, bears with him ever another heavy retribution. It is of proof against conciliation, love, and confidence; against all gentle sympathy from without, all trust, all tenderness, all soft emotion; but to deep stabs in the self-love, it is as vulnerable as the bare breast to steel; and such tormenting festers rankle there, as follow on no other wounds, no, though dealt with the mailed hand of Pride itself, on weaker pride, disarmed and thrown down.
Such wounds were his. He felt them sharply, in the solitude of his old rooms; whither he now began often to retire again, and pass long solitary hours. It seemed his fate to be ever proud and powerful; ever humbled and powerless where he would be most strong. Who seemed fated to work out that doom?
Who? Who was it who could win his wife as she had won his boy? Who was it who had shown him that new victory, as he sat in the dark corner? Who was it whose least word did what his utmost means could not? Who was it who, unaided by his love, regard or notice, thrived and grew beautiful when those so aided died? Who could it be, but the same child at whom he had often glanced uneasily in her motherless infancy, with a kind of dread, lest he might come to hate her; and of whom his foreboding was fulfilled, for he DID hate her in his heart?

一位具有董貝先生那樣性格的人，遇到一位由他樹立起來反對他本人的強有力人物以後，他那專橫、嚴厲的脾氣就會溫和起來；或者他所穿戴的冰冷與堅硬的高傲的盔甲，由於受到傲慢的輕蔑和反抗與它不斷的碰撞，就會變得柔軟一些；--這都是不合乎事物的本性的。高傲是對它本身的沉重報應的主要部分，而這種報應是高傲本身就包含着的。高傲這種性格可惡的地方在於：尊敬與遷就固然能使它邪惡的性質發展起來，但另一方面，對它苛刻的要求進行抗拒和提出異議，也同樣會促進它的滋長。它本身所具有的邪惡在它的對立物中也同樣能吸取生長與繁殖的力量。它從甜蜜中或從痛苦中都能獲得支持和生命。不論它是受到尊敬或是遭到輕視，它總是奴役着它所統治的心胸；不論它是受到崇拜或是遭到拒絕，它總是像悲慘童話中的魔鬼一樣，是一位嚴厲的主人。
董貝先生在與他第一位妻子之間的關係中，冷酷無情，傲慢自大，一舉一動就像是一位高高在上的人物，他幾乎也就是這樣看待他自己的。對她來說，當她第一次看到他的時候，他是”董貝先生”，當她死去的時候，他仍然是”董貝先生”。在他們整個婚後生活中，他維護着他的崇高的身份，她則恭恭順順地承認它。他在他的寶座的頂端保持着他的高不可攀的地位，她則在她的最低下的等級中保持着她的卑賤渺小的地位；他的生活只受自己思想的約束，對他來說，這是何等幸福啊！他曾經想象，他第二位妻子的高傲的性格將和他自己的高傲的性格相加到一塊，融合在一起，從而將更增強他崇高的氣概。他曾經想象，一旦伊迪絲的高傲充當了他自己的高傲的工具的話，那麼他將會比以往任何時候都更目空一切。他根本沒有想到她的高傲可能反對他。而現在，他看到他在日常生活中，每邁一步，每轉一個彎，它都出現在他的道路上，把它那冷酷的、對抗的、輕蔑的臉孔牢牢對着他，這時候，他的高傲非但沒有在衝擊下萎縮下去或垂頭喪氣，反而還長出了新枝，變得比過去任何時候都更集中、更強烈、更陰沉、更不高興、更令人討厭和更頑強不屈。
誰戴上這種盔甲還會給他自己招來另外一種沉重的報應。這種盔甲是安撫、愛情和信任所不能刺穿的！是外界一切溫柔的同情所不能刺穿的，是一切信賴、一切親熱、一切溫情所不能刺穿的；可是當自負受到了深深的刺戳時，它卻像袒露的胸膛遇到鋼鐵一樣容易受傷；這種令人痛苦的膿瘡就在那裏發炎，它是在其他創傷中不能找到的，它是在跟那種較弱的、解除武裝的、被摧毀的高傲（雖然高傲本身有着披戴鎧甲的手）打交道時所不能有的。
他的創傷就是這樣的創傷。他在他老房間的一片寂寞中敏銳地感覺到它；他現在又開始隱居到這些房間中，度過漫長的寂寞的時光。似乎命運註定他永遠是高傲和有權有勢的；同時在他本應當是最強有力的時候，命運卻又似乎註定他永遠受到屈辱和無能爲力。是誰似乎註定要來爲他安排出這樣的命運的呢？
是誰？是誰能夠贏得他妻子的喜愛，就像她贏得他男孩的喜愛一樣？當他坐在那個角落裏的時候，是誰曾經向他顯示過這個新的勝利？是誰一言半語就達到了他竭盡全力所不能達到的目的？是誰沒有得到他的喜愛、關懷或重視，卻茁壯地成長起來，出落得漂漂亮亮，而那些得到他幫助的人卻已死去了呢？是誰呢，還不就是那個女孩子，在她沒有母親的幼年時代，他曾時常不安地對她看一看，同時心中懷着一種恐懼，唯恐他以後會恨她，而他的這一預感現在已經應驗了，因爲他?果?真是恨她了。