殘忍而美麗的情誼:The Kite Runner 追風箏的人(61)

I TURNED THIRteen that summer of 1976, Afghanistan’s next to last summer of peace and anonymity. Things between Baba and me were already cooling off again. I think what started it was the stupid comment I’d made the day we were planting tulips, about getting new servants. I regretted saying it--I really did--but I think even if I hadn’t, our happy little interlude would have come to an end. Maybe not quite so soon, but it would have. By the end of the summer, the scraping of spoon and fork against the plate had replaced dinner table chatter and Baba had resumed retreating to his study after supper. And closing the door. I’d gone back to thumbing through H?fez and Khayyám, gnawing my nails down to the cuticles, writing stories. I kept the stories in a stack under my bed, keeping them just in case, though I doubted Baba would ever again ask me to read them to him.
Baba’s motto about throwing parties was this: Invite the whole world or it’s not a party. I remember scanning over the invitation list a week before my birthday party and not recognizing at least three-quarters of the four hundred--plus Kakas and Khalas who were going to bring me gifts and congratulate me for having lived to thirteen. Then I realized they weren’t really coming for me. It was my birthday, but I knew who the real star of the show was.
For days, the house was teeming with Baba’s hired help. There was Salahuddin the butcher, who showed up with a calf and two sheep in tow, refusing payment for any of the three. He slaughtered the animals himself in the yard by a poplar tree. “Blood is good for the tree,” I remember him saying as the grass around the poplar soaked red. Men I didn’t know climbed the oak trees with coils of small electric bulbs and meters of extension cords. Others set up dozens of tables in the yard, spread a tablecloth on each. The night before the big party Baba’s friend Del-Muhammad, who owned a kabob house in Shar-e-Nau, came to the house with his bags of spices. Like the butcher, Del-Muhammad--or Dello, as Baba called him--refused payment for his services. He said Baba had done enough for his family already. It was Rahim Khan who whispered to me, as Dello marinated the meat, that Baba had lent Dello the money to open his restaurant. Baba had refused repayment until Dello had shown up one day in our driveway in a Benzand insisted he wouldn’t leave until Baba took his money.
I guess in most ways, or at least in the ways in which parties are judged, my birthday bash was a huge success. I’d never seen the house so packed. Guests with drinks in hand were chatting in the hallways, smoking on the stairs, leaning against doorways. They sat where they found space, on kitchen counters, in the foyer, even under the stairwell. In the backyard, they mingled under the glow of blue, red, and green lights winking in the trees, their faces illuminated by the light of kerosene torches propped everywhere. Baba had had a stage built on the balcony that overlooked the garden and planted speakers throughout the yard. Ahmad Zahir was playing an accordion and singing on the stage over masses of dancing bodies.
I had to greet each of the guests personally--Baba made sure of that; no one was going to gossip the next day about how he’d raised a son with no manners. I kissed hundreds of cheeks, hugged total strangers, thanked them for their gifts. My face ached from the strain of my plastered smile.
I was standing with Baba in the yard near the bar when someone said, “Happy birthday, Amir.” It was Assef, with his parents. Assef’s father, Mahmood, was a short, lanky sort with dark skin and a narrow face. His mother, Tanya, was a small, nervous woman who smiled and blinked a lot. Assef was standing between the two of them now, grinning, looming over both, his arms resting on their shoulders. He led them toward us, like he had brought them here. Like he was the parent, and they his children. A wave of dizziness rushed through me. Baba thanked them for coming.
“I picked out your present myself,” Assef said. Tanya’s face twitched and her eyes flicked from Assef to me. She smiled, unconvincingly, and blinked. I wondered if Baba had noticed.
“Still playing soccer, Assef jan?” Baba said. He’d always wanted me to be friends with Assef.
Assef smiled. It was creepy how genuinely sweet he made it look. “Of course, Kaka jan.”
“Right wing, as I recall?”

我的十三歲生日在1976年夏天。這是阿富汗最後一段平靜的和平歲月。我和爸爸的關係再度冷卻了。我想這都是因爲在我們種鬱金香那天我所說的那句愚蠢的話，關於請新僕人的那句話。我後悔說了那句話——真的很後悔——但我認爲即使我沒說，我們這段短短的快樂插曲也會告終。也許不會這麼快，但終究會結束。到夏天結束的時候，勺子和叉子碰撞盤子的聲音又取代了晚餐桌上的交談，爸爸開始在晚飯後回到書房去，並把門關上。我則回去翻看哈菲茲和迦亞謨的書，咬指甲咬到見皮，寫故事。我將故事放在牀底的架子上，將它們保留起來，以備萬一爸爸會跟我要去看，雖然我懷疑他不會。
爸爸舉辦宴會的座右銘是：如果沒請來全世界的人，就不算是個宴會。我記得生日之前一個星期，我看着那份邀請名單，發現在近四百人中，至少有四分之三我並不認識——包括那些將要送我生日禮物以祝賀我活過十三個年頭的叔伯姑姨。然後我意識到他們並非真的因我而來。那天是我的生日，但我知道誰纔是宴會上的天皇巨星。
一連數天，屋子裏擠滿了爸爸請來的幫手。有個叫薩拉胡丁的屠夫拖來一頭小牛和兩隻綿羊，拒絕收下哪怕一分錢。他親自在院子裏的白楊樹下宰了那些畜生。“用血澆灌對樹有好處。”我記得鮮血染紅樹下的青草時，他這麼說。有些我不認識的男人爬上橡樹，掛上成串的燈泡和長長的電線。其他人在院子裏擺出幾十張桌子，逐一披上桌布。盛宴開始之前一夜，爸爸的朋友德爾－穆罕默德帶來幾袋香料，他在沙裏諾區開了一間燒烤店。跟屠夫一樣，德爾－穆罕默德——爸爸管他叫“德羅”——也拒絕收錢。他說爸爸已經幫了他家裏太多忙了。德羅在醃肉的時候，拉辛汗低聲告訴我，德羅開餐廳的錢是爸爸借給他的，並且沒有要他還錢。直到有一天，德羅開着奔馳轎車，來到我家門口，說要是爸爸不收錢他就不走，爸爸這才收下。
我想從各個方面來說，或者至少從評價宴會的標準來說，我的生日盛宴稱得上極爲成功。我從來沒有見到屋子裏有那麼多人。來賓或是手拿酒杯，在門廊聊天，或是在臺階上吸菸，或是倚着門口。他們找到空位就坐下，廚房的櫃檯上，門廊裏面，甚至樓梯下面都坐滿了人。院子裏，藍色的、紅色的、綠色的燈泡在樹上閃閃發光，人們在聚集在下面，四處點燃的煤油燈照亮他們的臉龐。爸爸把舞臺設在俯覽花園的陽臺上，但揚聲器佈滿整個院子。艾哈邁德?查希爾彈着手風琴，唱着歌，人們在舞臺下面跳舞。
我不得不逐一跟來賓打招呼——爸爸這麼要求，他可不希望翌日有人亂嚼舌頭，說他養了個不懂禮貌的兒子。我親了幾百個臉頰，和所有的陌生人擁抱，感謝他們的禮物。我的臉因爲僵硬的微笑而發痛。
我跟爸爸站在院子裏的酒吧前面，這當頭有人說:“生日快樂，阿米爾。”是阿塞夫，還有他的父母。阿塞夫的父親馬赫穆德是矮個子，又矮又瘦，皮膚黝黑，臉部狹小。他的媽媽譚雅是個小婦人，神經兮兮，臉帶微笑，不停眨眼。如今阿塞夫就站在他們兩個之間，咧嘴笑着，居高臨下，雙手摟着他們的肩膀。他帶着他們走過來，好像拎着他們過來一樣，似乎他纔是父親，他們是孩子。我感到一陣眩暈。爸爸對他們的蒞臨表示感謝。
“我親自給你挑選了禮物。”阿塞夫說。譚雅的臉抽動，眼光從阿塞夫身上移到我身上。她微笑着，顯得有些勉強，眨着眼。我懷疑爸爸有沒有看到。
“還玩足球嗎，親愛的阿塞夫?”爸爸說，他一直希望我跟阿塞夫交朋友。
阿塞夫微笑，他甜蜜的笑容顯得純真無瑕，真叫人不寒而慄。“當然，親愛的叔叔。”
“我記得你踢右路?”