經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第11章2

As far as I can tell I’m not an expert in personal relationships
Trillian raised her eyebrows.
I am, he added, one hell of a guy, I can do anything I want only I just don’t have the faintest idea what.
He paused.
One thing, he further added, has suddenly ceased to lead to another in contradiction of which he had another drink and slid gracelessly off his chair.
Whilst he slept it off, Trillian did a little research in the ship’s copy of The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness.
Go to it, it said, and good luck.
It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of the Universe and ways of coping with that.
Then she found the entry on Han Wavel, an exotic holiday planet, and one of the wonders of the Galaxy.
Han Wavel is a world which consists largely of fabulous ultraluxury hotels and casinos, all of which have been formed by the natural erosion of wind and rain. The chances of this happening are more or less one to infinity against. Little is known of how this came about because none of the geophysicists, probability statisticians, meteoranalysts or bizzarrologists who are so keen to research it can afford to stay there.
Terrific, thought Trillian to herself, and within a few hours the great white running-shoe ship was slowly powering down out of the sky beneath a hot brilliant sun towards a brightly coloured sandy spaceport. The ship was clearly causing a sensation on the ground, and Trillian was enjoying herself. She heard Zaphod moving around and whistling somewhere in the ship.
How are you? she said over the general intercom.
Fine, he said brightly, terribly well.
Where are you?
In the bathroom.
What are you doing?
Staying here.
After an hour or two it became plain that he meant it and the ship returned to the sky without having once opened its hatchway.
Heigh ho, said Eddie the Computer.
Trillian nodded patiently, tapped her fingers a couple of times and pushed the intercom switch.
I think that enforced fun is probably not what you need at this point.
Probably not, replied Zaphod from wherever he was.
I think a bit of physical challenge would help draw you out of yourself.
Whatever you think, I think, said Zaphod.
“Recreational Impossibilities” was a heading which caught Trillian’s eye when, a short while later, she sat down to flip through the Guide again, and as the Heart of Gold rushed at improbable speeds in an indeterminate direction, she sipped a cup of something undrinkable from the Nutrimatic Drink Dispenser and read about how to fly.
The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.

“就我所知，我對人際關係可不在行。”
崔莉安揚起眉毛。
“我是個，”他接着說，“特別行的人，我什麼都能幹，就是不太知道要幹什麼。”
他停了一下。
“做這個，”他又加了一句，“卻偏偏搞成了那個。”如其所言，他又喝了一口，然後很沒形象地滑下了椅子。
贊福德睡覺時，崔莉安在飛船裏找《銀河系漫遊指南》，那上面有關於醉酒的建議。
“醉去吧。”那上面說，“祝你好運。”
這一條下面的參考資料，點進去是關於宇宙大小的思考，以及如何對付這個問題。
然後，她看見關於漢威沃的介紹，那是一顆異域風情的度假行星，銀河系中的一大奇景。
漢威沃是個充斥着超豪華酒店和大賭場的世界，並且，它們都是由自然風化和水蝕形成的。這種事發生的可能性，接近一比無限。關於這一現象人們所知甚少，原因是那些渴望研究它的地物理學家、概率統計學家、氣象分析學家和古怪現象學家，都付不起那兒的費用。
真厲害。崔莉安心想。於是，幾小時之後，這艘白色大跑鞋形狀的飛船從天上輕盈地降落，披着燦爛的陽光，飛向閃閃發光的沙灘停船場。這艘飛船顯然引起了地面的一陣騷動，崔莉安頗爲得意。她聽見贊福德在飛船的什麼地方活動着，還吹着口哨。
“你好嗎？”她用對講機講道。
“很好，”他輕快地說，“超好。”
“你在哪？”
“浴室。”
“你在幹嘛？”
“呆着。”
一兩個小時過去，開始變得無聊了——如他所願。於是飛船重返天空，連艙門都不曾開過。
“嘿喲。”電腦“艾迪”說。
崔莉安忍耐地點點頭，手指敲着鍵盤，按了一下對講機。
“我想，也許強制的玩樂不是你所需要的。”
“也許吧。”贊福德不知從什麼地方答道。
“我想，可能一點物理方法的鼓勵會使你重新振作。”
“你想什麼我都同意。”贊福德說。
“不可能之娛樂”這一標題，吸引了崔莉安的目光。過了一會兒，她便坐下來繼續翻查《指南》。黃金之心正以難以置信的速度，漫無目的地飛着。她從自動營養飲品配製機裏，接了一杯難喝的玩意兒，抿了一口，開始讀怎樣飛行。
《銀河系漫遊指南》是這樣講飛行的。
飛行是有方法的，或者說有訣竅的。
訣竅就在於，你得學會把自己朝地上拋去，然後不碰到地上。
挑個晴朗的日子，它建議道，試試吧。
第一步很容易。