被私人銀行拋棄之後的事務

“We need to talk.”

“我們得談談。”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“問題不在你，而是在我。”

“I want a divorce.”

“我想離婚。”

“Oh, and I’ll need the chequebook back.”

“哦，還有，我需要你把支票簿還給我。”

If, through a series of drunken misunderstandings in a Mayfair/Los Angeles/Newcastle nightclub, you find yourself the new husband or civil partner of whichever reality TV star currently adorns Heat magazine’s cover, there is a statistical risk that you will hear these words at some point within the next 12-18 months.

如果，在倫敦梅菲爾區、洛杉磯或者紐卡斯爾的某個夜總會經歷了一系列醉酒誤會後，你發現自己成了英國明星八卦雜誌《Heat》封面上的某個電視真人秀明星的新婚丈夫或者伴侶，那麼從統計學上說，你會有在未來12至18個月的某個時刻聽到以上絕情話的風險。

And had you wed on Valentine’s Day or a “numerically special” date, such as 01/02/03, the probability of being asked for a divorce increases, according to University of Melbourne economists Jan Kabátek and professor David Ribar. They have found that marriages starting on a special date are 18-36 per cent more likely to fail than those beginning on an ordinary day.

同時，根據墨爾本大學(University of Melbourne)經濟學家賈恩·卡巴迪克(Jan Kabátek)和戴維·裏巴爾(David Ribar)教授的研究，如果你在情人節或是某個“特殊數字”日期（如2003年2月1日）結婚，那麼被要求離婚的概率就會增加。他們發現，從特殊日期起步的婚姻，失敗可能性比普通的結婚日期高出18%-36%。

But one person you would never suspect of uttering such heartbreaking phrases is your private banker. After so many tête-à-têtes, intimate dinners, tokens of appreciation and impassioned phone calls, yours is surely a relationship that no one could put asunder.

但有一個人是你永遠想不到會說出這些讓人心碎的絕情話的，那就是你的私人銀行理財師。經歷了這麼多面對面的私聊、溫馨的晚餐、互相欣賞的表示，以及熱情洋溢的電話通話後，你們之間的關係肯定無人可以拆散。

Yet, increasingly, private banks around the world have been packing the Louis Vuittons, proffering the hankie and telling their wealthiest clients: “I’m sorry, darling — it’s over.”

然而，全球越來越多的私人銀行都在收拾他們的路易威登(Louis Vuitton)行李箱，遞上一塊手絹並告訴他們最富有的客戶們：“抱歉，親愛的——是時候分手了。”

Just last month, HSBC’s Monaco private bank broke the news to accountholders that it just could not go on. It said it was “strategic” — nothing personal — and promised to take care of them, and their $9bn. It also offered to set them up with a new partner: CFM Indosuez Wealth Management.

前一陣子，匯豐(HSBC)摩納哥私人銀行向賬戶持有人宣佈，無法繼續提供服務。該行稱此舉是出於“戰略”——而非針對個人，並承諾將善待客戶和他們的90億美元資產。匯豐還提出爲他們引薦新的合作伙伴：CFM Indosuez財富管理(CFM Indosuez Wealth Management)。

If you don’t think it could happen to you, think again. HSBC’s Monaco break-up was just its latest. It has also wound down, part-sold or ended wealth management relationships in Japan, Panama, Switzerland, Israel, Bermuda, Brazil, Mexico and Turkey.

如果你認爲這不可能發生在你身上，那麼請再好好想想。匯豐摩納哥業務宣佈與客戶分手，只是該行此類行動的最新一例。該行此前還清盤、部分出售或終止了在日本、巴拿馬、瑞士、以色列、百慕大、巴西、墨西哥和土耳其的私人理財關係。

Nor is HSBC the only one. Earlier this year, Barclays let its Hong Kong and Singapore wealth management customers go to Oversea-Chinese Banking Corp, taking $18bn with them.

而且匯豐不是唯一這麼做的銀行。今年早些時候，巴克萊(Barclays)將其香港和新加坡的理財客戶轉給華僑銀行(Oversea-Chinese Banking Corp)，眼睜睜看着他們帶走180億美元資產。

More recently, ANZ announced the sale of retail operations in Hong Kong, Singapore, China, Taiwan and Indonesia, with $16bn in assets, to DBS. For those clients who only fell into ANZ’s embrace when Royal Bank of Scotland dumped them in 2009, it represented a second divorce in nine years. Surely, their own reality TV series beckons.

不久前，澳新銀行(ANZ)宣佈向星展銀行(DBS)出售其在香港、新加坡、中國內地、臺灣和印度尼西亞的零售業務，共計160億美元資產。對於那些在2009年被蘇格蘭皇家銀行(RBS)拋棄而轉投澳新銀行的客戶來說，這意味着9年來的第二次婚變。他們簡直可以推出自己的電視真人秀了。

What, though, should private bank customers do if they find themselves cruelly cast aside? Other wealth managers’ advice is not unlike that of magazine agony aunts. Put yourself first, says Roddy Buchanan, head of wealth management at WHIreland, the financial services firm.

不過，當私人銀行客戶發現自己被無情拋棄的時候，他們該怎麼做呢？其他理財經理人給出的建議，就跟在雜誌上回復讀者來信的知心大姐的專欄大同小異。

“You have to treat this situation as an opportunity to reappraise what you need in terms of managing your wealth, initially asking the question as to whether a ‘one-stop shop’ . . . still serves your best interests,” he says.

“要把自己放在第一位。”金融服務公司WHIreland的理財部門主管羅迪·布坎南(Roddy Buchanan)說，“你得把這件事看作是一個機會，重新評估自己在理財方面的需求，首先要問自己‘一站式服務’……是否仍然符合你的最大利益？”

Then use your support network to help you get back out there. “Ask your friends and contacts for introductions to new potential wealth management partners, someone they know they’ve received high levels of service from and can trust,“ Buchanan adds.

然後，利用你的社交支持網絡幫你重返江湖。“請你的朋友和熟人介紹新的潛在的理財合作伙伴，那些他們熟知、得到過高水平服務並且可以信賴的合作伙伴，” 布坎南補充說。

Above all, find a good listener, says Sunaina Sinha, managing partner of Cebile Capital. “The client-banker relationship is built on trust and understanding,” she says. “The priority for any new banker should be to spend time listening to the client and understanding their idiosyncrasies.”

Cebile Capital的管理合夥人蘇奈娜·辛哈(Sunaina Sinha)表示，最重要的是找到一個好的傾聽者。“客戶-銀行家之間的關係是建立在信任和理解之上的。” 她表示：“任何一個接手新客戶的銀行家，都應該花時間聆聽客戶，理解他們的風格偏好。”

Ultimately, though, you need someone who recognises that sometimes, it’s complicated, says Mark McMullen, chief executive of the family office division at Stonehage Fleming. He says: “[It] requires a considerable investment of time to ensure that he or she develops an adequate understanding of the client’s affairs.”

然而，據Stonehage Fleming家族理財室部門首席執行官馬克·麥克馬倫(Mark McMullen)介紹，最終而言，你需要的那個人要能夠認識到，有時候情況是複雜的。他說：“（這）要求大量的時間投入，來確保他或她形成對客戶事務的充分了解。”

As indeed is the case for news editors on those celebrity magazines.

的確，這一點對那些名人八卦雜誌的新聞編輯們也是成立的。