中國式羅曼蒂克 愛情和婚姻的鬥爭還要持續多久
BEIJING - Dating is hard at the best of times. In China the stakes are high from the outset: the expectation is that it should lead to marriage; never mind love for love's sake.
北京——即使在最好的時代裏，約會也絕非易事。在中國，相關賭注從一開始就很大：人們期望約會是婚姻的開始；誰還顧得上什麼爲愛而愛呢。
A friend recently went on a blind date in Beijing. Arriving at the coffee shop, he found not only the girl but her mother, too. Within minutes she bombarded him with questions: What does he earn? Where did he study? Does he own a house?
一個朋友近來在北京有過一次相親經歷。他到了咖啡店之後發現，除了那個女孩外，她媽媽也在。幾分鐘之內，她就狂轟濫炸般地拋出一連串問題：他收入多少？學什麼專業？是否有房？
Romance in China is often sacrificed to practicality; dating has largely become a commercial transaction. In Beijing parents gather in parks to introduce their children to one another. Singles' clubs set people up according to requirements - height, income, property. And tens of thousands descend on matchmaking events in cities like Shanghai looking for the perfect mate.
在中國，浪漫通常都抵不過現實；約會在很大程度上已變成了一種商業交易。在北京，父母們聚在公園裏，相互給對方介紹自己的子女。單身俱樂部會根據身高、收入、財產給人羣分類。在像上海這樣的城市裏，成千上萬人通過參加大型相親活動來尋找理想中的伴侶。
For Chinese men today, being the perfect mate means having a car, an apartment, a good salary and, preferably, a tall stature. Women, meanwhile, must be married by 27; after that they are branded sheng nu or "leftover women." (This derogatory term - whose prefix "sheng" is the same word used in "leftover food" - was listed as a new word in 2007 by the Chinese Ministry of Education).
對於中國當下的男人來說，成爲理想伴侶意味着要有一輛車、一套房、一份收入豐厚的工作、如果個子高，那就更好了。同時，對女人來說，必須在27歲以前結婚；不然就會被歸於“剩女”一族。（這個帶貶義的稱呼已在2007年被中國教育部收爲新詞。其中前一個字“剩”是“剩飯”的“剩”。）
"Marriage in many ways in China is a way of pulling resources," says Roseann Lake, a Beijing-based journalist researching a book on sheng nu. In one direction, at least. "The idea that a woman, no matter how successful she is professionally, is absolutely nothing until she is married - it still comes down to that."
正在爲撰寫一本關於“剩女”的書而蒐集相關資料的駐京記者羅絲安·萊克(Roseann Lake)稱，“在很多方面，中國婚姻都是獲取資源的一種方式,” 至少在單向方面是這樣的。“最終的觀點仍然是：一個女人無論在工作上多麼成功，只要沒結婚就是一事無成。”
Arranged marriages were banned in 1950. However, matchmaking - through work units and family - was, and still is, commonplace. Yes, China has experienced miraculous growth in the past three decades, but traditions are hard to shake. And Confucian ethics stress that marriage must satisfy societal duty over individual desire.
包辦婚姻早在1950年就已被禁止。但相親這件事仍然是司空見慣，無論是在工作單位還是通過家人。的確，在過去30年裏，中國的經濟增長舉世矚目，但傳統卻依然難以被撼動。而且儒家道德也強調，婚姻在滿足社會責任方面的重要性必須高於個人意願。
The one-child policy has further reinforced these expectations. With no welfare system in China, the young are expected to provide for the old: whom you marry matters for your entire family.
獨生子女政策更是進一步加強了這些期望。中國沒有福利系統，因而人們認爲，年輕人要贍養老人，也就是說，和誰結婚是關係到整個大家庭的事情。
These concerns aren't evenly shared, and they expose something of a generation gap. Children of the 1980s and 1990s - who were born in better economic times and fed on pop music and movies - are in less of a hurry to get married than their parents were.
這些擔心並不是所有人都認同，它們同時也暴露出了代溝問題。1980年代和1990年代出生的人，從小生活在經濟較爲繁榮時期，並在流行音樂和電影的包圍中成長，與父母一代相比，他們並不急於結婚。
The best-selling author Wang Hailing, who wrote "Divorce with Chinese Characteristics," relays stories of pushy mothers on her micro-blog. One told her daughter to attend blind dates while she's still at a "valuable" age.
暢銷書《中國式離婚》的作者王海鴒會在她的微博上轉述一些催婚母親的故事。一個母親曾勸她的女兒應該趁着“寶貴”的年齡趕緊相親。
Xie Yujie, a 26-year-old resident of Wenzhou, a city of more than nine million some 230 miles south of Shanghai, is unmarried. Despite a promising career as a nurse, her parents remind her daily of her filial duties to find a husband. Xie is looking for love, but her parents chastise her for not been more practical. "Money worship and materialism is the reality," she explained last week.2
6歲的單身女青年謝玉潔（音譯）居住在上海南邊約370公里外的溫州。儘管她在這座有着900萬人口的都市擁有一份前途還不錯的護士工作，她的父母每天都提醒她要孝順，要找個老公。謝玉潔渴望愛情，但卻被父母責罵不夠現實。“現實就是拜金和物質至上，”她在上週解釋說。
And so now some single women in Chengdu, in southwest China, pay more than $3,100 for a special training course in how to snag a millionaire husband. In the reality TV dating program "If You Are The One," a 22-year-old model infamously claimed, "I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh on the back seat of a bicycle."
所以眼下在中國西南的成都市，一些單身女子會花兩萬元人民幣去參加如何嫁給百萬富翁的婚戀培訓班。在現實電視相親節目《非誠勿擾》上，一名22歲的模特曾說過這樣臭名昭著的話，“寧願坐在寶馬裏哭，也絕不坐在自行車後座上笑。”
These are extremes, of course, but the pressures are real. Although China's skewed birth rate means there will be a surplus of about 24 million men in China by 2020, the majority of these bachelors will live in rural areas. In major cities -- where the rate of housing costs to income can reach 12:1 -- finding a good match is a constant worry for educated, ambitious women.
這些當然都是些極端例子，但壓力卻是實實在在的。雖然中國男女失調的出生率意味着，到2020年，中國將會有2400萬男人落單，但這些單身男人絕大多數都將集中在鄉村地區。大城市裏，房價和收入的比例可能會達到12:1，因此，如何找到理想的伴侶一直都在困擾着那些受過教育、野心勃勃的女人。
As Chinese Valentine's Day -- this Thursday, Aug. 23 -- nears, preparations for dozens of matchmaking events, most aimed at marriage, are picking up. At the Huanleyuan Culture Club, a singles' club in Beijing -- basic requirement: a college degree; annual membership fee: about $560 -- hundreds will be attending a gala matchmaking event. Ten thousand people are expected at a mass blind date in Guangyuan city, in Sichuan Province.
隨着中國七夕情人節將在8月23日的那個週四到來，數十場大型相親活動的準備工作已經變得愈發緊鑼密鼓。這些相親活動都是以結婚爲目的。北京歡樂園單身俱樂部對會員的基本要求是：大學學歷、繳納約560美元的年費，該俱樂部將舉行一次數百人蔘加的相親大會。而在四川廣源市，一場萬人相親大會即將登場。
They'll be looking not just for a fetching smile or that spark of chemistry, but also for the promise of money and connections.
相親者尋找的不僅僅是迷人的微笑或者激情的火花，還有未來的金錢和人脈。
