時尚雙語:女孩第一次約會看重什麼?

There are a lot of books, magazine articles, and other such writings that will try to tell you what a girl really wants, and what is important to her. The problem with an awful lot of them is that they are based on polls of hundreds or thousands of girls.

Why wouldn't you want to ask as many girls as possible? The answer is simple, but not necessarily something everyone thinks about when they read such polls... when you run a large poll, you get a lot of people answering the way they think they are "supposed to", rather than the way they actually feel.

If you want to know the truth, you have to ask people who are comfortable enough with you to be candid. The list below is compiled from conversations with the girls I know (and have known) well enough for them to tell me about things like this.

Keep in mind that, as the title says, this is what matters to a girl on the first date (and possibly the second or third)... not what matters long term. The two are definitely different things, although most of the same things still matter, it's more a matter of which areas are more important (ie looks are far more important at the beginning than later in your relationship... but they DO still matter, even years later).

What Matters To A Girl On The First Date
Looks

Most women, when polled, will say looks aren't that important. Most women, when speaking to someone they know, admit that they are important. Let's face it... when you are attracted to someone physically, you look for reasons to like them mentally and emotionally.

Looks affect everything else on this list... because people subconsciously overlook minor bad things, and emphasize minor good things, when they are dealing with someone whom they find attractive. This holds true whether you're interested in a relationship with them or not... that's why attractive people do better in jobs with a lot of personal interaction (like sales).

Oddly enough, it works the other way, too... after you get to know someone, if you don't like them, you'll find them less physically attractive... or if you DO like them, you'll find them more physically attractive.

Conversational Ability

Another thing that women will notice immediately is your conversational ability. If you speak well, and can speak about a wide variety of things, you will leave her interested and wanting to talk to you more... especially if your skills are great enough to allow you to direct the conversation based on her verbal and non-verbal communication.

If, on the other hand, your speech is filled with "uhhh" and "ummm", she may become bored and start thinking about other things... and if you want to leave a good impression on a first date, you have to keep her focused on the present.

Cleanliness

Another thing that women notice nearly immediately is your cleanliness. Unless the date is to do something physically demanding together, you should be clean and smell good... and it wouldn't hurt at all to start out that way, even if you ARE doing something physical.

Keeping your facial hair under control is important, too... you should shave or trim regularly. In other words, whatever facial hair is on your face should look like it's there intentionally, not because you're too lazy to take the time to clean up.

Attention

This is one of the most common ways to ruin an otherwise good date... whether it's your first or not. When you go on a date with someone, your attention should be on them. That means you shouldn't be checking out other people, but it also means that you shouldn't be taking calls on your cell phone, or talking about work, etc.

If your attention starts wandering during a date, you are essentially telling the other person that they are not important to you, though that may not even be the case... it's still what you are communicating. And they WILL pick up on it... believe me.

Clothes

Another thing that women will notice, especially on first dates, but later in the relationship as well, is how you dress. Make sure that everything matches and is clean, and also that you dress appropriately for the date.

Even more importantly than that, though, is making sure that your "level" of dress matches hers... it will make most women very uncomfortable on a date if you are dressed either much more formally or much more casually than she is.

Fun

One of the biggest things, maybe actually the biggest thing, that a woman will remember about a first date is how much fun she had. If you set up a fun date, where you have something interesting to do for the time you are together (without having to rush from place to place with no time in between), it shows that you feel she is important enough to spend the time and energy to plan such a thing.

It also leaves you associated with that fun in her thoughts... when she thinks of it, she'll think of you. Being linked, mentally, to good times and fun is nearly invaluable in building relationships.

Her Importance

All of the things above (with the exception of #1), when taken together, paint a picture of her importance to you. When you go out of your way, spending extra time and attention on getting yourself ready and on the date itself, it tells her that she matters to you, that you place a high value on her and your time together.

That perception of her value to you is the key to using a first date as the start of a strong relationship. It is also a major piece of the strength of an ongoing relationship... no one wants to feed their time and energy, their heart and emotions, into a relationship where they don't feel valued. So take the time to make her feel valued on your first date... and then continue that on every date afterward, for the rest of your relationship.

The impact of how important you feel that you are to the person that you're with cannot be overstated. It's not just important to a good date, or even a good relationship... it plays a major role in your overall mental and emotional health.

All of the things above that you have control over affect that feeling of importance to you for the girl that you're with. Good looks can make her feel even more special (silly but true), but really have less impact on the overall feeling than the rest of the points... especially after the first date.

Anyone disagree with any of the items on my list? I'd like to hear from both women and men... did I list something that really is of no importance (remember, this is not "shouldn't matter", it's actually doesn't matter), or leave off something of significance?

市面上許多各種各樣的書籍、雜誌，以及其他類似的文章都會告訴你，女孩子真正想要的是什麼，還有什麼對她們來說纔是最重要的。這些問題的答案都是基於成千上百的女孩子投票得出的結果。

那你爲什麼沒有想過自己問問儘可能多的女孩來解開迷惑呢？答案很簡單，但是並不是每一個人看到這種民意測試時能夠想得到的。當你發起一場大的民意調查，你所得到的答案都是他們認爲自己應該是怎麼樣的，而並非他們實際的想法。

如果想找出事實的真相，你得問問那些和你很熟，熟到能完全跟你坦白的人的想法。下面所列出來的是我和一些認識的（並且已經認識很久了的）女孩子的交談中，她們告訴我的真實想法。

記住，正如題目裏所提到的，這是關於女孩子第一次約會時真正關注的（也可能是第二次或則第三次），而不適用於長期相處。儘管其中很多因素在長期相處時仍顯得很重要，但是完全是兩碼事，也就是說第一次某些方面更加重要（比如說，外貌在開始交往的時候要比日後相處時更重要，儘管長相，甚至很多年後，仍很有關係）。

女孩第一次約會注重什麼

1、外表

許多女性，在民意調查中，都表示長相併不是那麼重要。但是，很多女孩子在和自己的密友聊天時，就承認長相還是很有關係的。就讓我們面對這個事實嘛！當你被某人的外表所吸引了，你纔會從精神上和情感上喜歡上他。

外表關係到下面會提到的其他方面，因爲當人們和他們覺得很有魅力的人來往，潛意識裏會忽視那些次要的不好方面而注重次要但是好的方面。這確實是真的，不管你和他們的關係處得好不好。這也就是爲什麼外表出衆的人在與許多人打交道的工作中更能做出成績（就像銷售這一行）。

奇怪的是，外表還有着其他的影響力。當你瞭解某個人之後，如果你不喜歡他，你會覺得他長得不咋的；或則說，你喜歡他，你就覺得他很迷人。

2、交談能力

另一件女生會馬上注意到的就是你的交談能力。如果你口才不錯，能講出一大堆有趣的事，她們就會對你感興趣，並想要和你聊更多，尤其是你能夠在她的言語和非言語的交流中很好的掌控你們的談話。

從另一方面來講，如果你的話裏總是出現“恩恩”的，她就會感到無聊，開始想其他的一些事情。所以，如果你想在第一次約會的時候，給她留下好印象，你得牢牢抓住她的注意力。

3、 整潔

女生幾乎會立馬注意到的還有你的整潔度。除非約會需要一起做些有體力要求的事，不然你就應該穿戴整齊,而且使自己聞起來不錯。其實，即便要做些耗體力的事，你一開始弄得乾乾淨淨，總歸不會有錯的。

你臉上也要整潔，這點也很重要。你應該經常刮刮鬍子，修剪頭髮。換句話說，你臉上不論出現什麼發須，看起來要是你故意留在那裏的，而不是因爲太懶，不願花時間來打理。

4、注意力

不管是否是第一次約會，這點卻是常常使原本很美好的約會泡湯的最常見原因。你和別人約會時，你的注意力就該集中在她們身上。這不僅意味着你不應該老看別人，還指你不能拿出手機來打電話，或則講工作的事情，等等。

如果在約會的時候，你的注意力開始不集中了，你就得告訴對方那些事情並不重要，儘管事實上並非如此。你這樣說了，她們就會習慣起來，覺得真是那樣。關於這點，你完全可以相信我。

5、 衣着

女性還會注意到的，尤其是第一次見面，但事實上以後的交往中也會注意的就是你的衣着。你要確保你的服裝搭配得體，乾淨整潔。

而更爲重要的就是，你的穿着的檔次應該和對方的相符。如果你穿得比她們更正式，或則說更隨便，她們會覺得很不自在。

6、有趣

最重要的事情之一，事實上頭等重要的是，女生們會記住她們第一次約會有多快樂。如果你已經確定了約會日期，而且安排了些兩個人能在一起時做的好玩事情（不用從一個地方趕到另個地方，中間都沒什麼時間空餘的），這也就表明，你覺得她值得你花費精力和時間，爲這次的約會做些安排。

這也會讓她把你和她腦海中留下的快樂聯繫起來。只要她一想到那次約會的快樂，她就會想到你。在精神上能把一個人和那些美好的時光和快樂聯繫起來，對於確定關係是十分寶貴的。

7、她的重要性

以上所提出的所有細節（除第一條以外），整合起來時就體現了她對你的重要性。在你赴約的路上，應該再花些時間和精力來使自己爲約會做好充分準備。這樣就是在告訴她，她對你很重要，因此你很重視她和她在一起的時間。

對方重要性這一點是通過第一次的約會以及保持日後長久關係的關鍵所在。這也是維持一段正在經營的感情的重要因素。沒有人願意在自己不被重視時仍投入她們的時間和精力、真心和感情。所以在第一次約會的時候，一定得花心思讓她們感到自己被重視，而且爲了維持長期交往，在以後的每一次約會中都該如此。

被和自己在一起的人所重視，這種感覺至關重要，不僅對第一次約會，還是維持兩人間的感情都很關鍵，它還對你的身心健康也有着重大作用。

上面所提到的幾項，都是在你的掌握之中，而且會影響和你約會的女生感覺自己是否受到重視。出衆的外表固然能增加她對你的好感（很愚蠢但就是事實），不過，特別在第一次約會以後，長相的重要性就不及其他一些方面。

有人不同意我提出的那些觀點嗎？如有不同意見，願洗耳恭聽。難道我所列舉的一些事項一點都不重要（注意，這裏所提的不是“應該沒有關係”，而是事實上就是沒有關係），還是我講的那些確實很重要呢？