他她話題:男人不理解女人的是什麼

Once a man confessed, "The great question I have not been able to answer is What does a woman want?" Many husbands and boyfriends wonder the same thing today. But modern psychologists—and women—know the answer. A woman wants most everything a man wants: success, power, status, money, love, marriage, children, happiness, and fulfillment.

一位男士曾坦白地說；"一個我無法回答的大問題是：女士想要的是什麼？"今天，許多丈夫和男朋友仍爲這同一問題而感到困惑。不過，現代心理學家——和女士們知道答案。女士們想要的同男士們想要的幾乎沒有什麼兩樣。她們需要的是：成功、權力、地位、金錢、愛情、婚姻、孩子、幸福以及自我價值的實現。

Women need to communicate this more clearly. Here are five things that should be told to men.

女士們需要的是將這些要求明確地說出來。這裏有五點該對男士們談一談。

1. Women need genuine, personal displays of affection.

1. 女士們需要真誠的、發自內心的感情。

The breed of women who lives off the expensive gifts a man gives her is vanishing. A woman who values love for its own sake tends to be wary of gifts that are too costly. An expensive gift can make her feel that a man is trying to buy her affections and sees her as a prize rather than a person.

那類以男士送貴重禮品爲其擇偶標準的女性正在銷聲匿跡。珍視愛情本身價值的女性對太昂貴的禮物持審慎的態度。貴重的禮品使她們感到男士是在試圖購買她們的感情，把她們看成是贏得的獎品而不是一個人。

Gifts that give women genuine pleasure are those with a personal touch-an item of clothing, for example—because such gifts, when chosen properly, are statements of caring and high form of flattery, demonstrating recognition of a loved one's special tastes. The best gifts, from a woman's point of view, are those that are on going, rather than flamboyant. In fact, what's missing from a lot of lives is romance, such as doing small chores for her, sharing a laugh with her. These are the "gifts" that really count.

能給女士們帶來真誠快樂的禮物是那些具有個人感情特色的物品，比如一件衣服，因爲這類禮物若挑選得當，能體現出關心和愛慕之情，表明你瞭解心愛人的特殊喜好。從女性角度來看，最好的禮物是那些普通的小禮品，而不是什麼花哨豔麗的東西。實際上，生活之中缺乏的是浪漫之情，比如說，爲她做些家務，同她一起開懷大笑。這些"禮物"纔是真正有價值的。

2. Women need a sympathetic ear.

2. 女士們需要一位具有同情心的聽衆。

A simple conversation can be different event to a man and a woman. For a man, a conversation is a way to define a problem, debate the rights and wrongs, and find a solution. To do that, he may repeatedly interrupt the woman until she "understands" the point he's making. But a woman would rather have a friendly ear from a man, instead of advice. Women more often view conversation as a way of sharing their emotions with the listener. They talk until they feel better. A man who wants to get through to a woman conversationally needs to tap into emotions rather than solutions. And, often, that can mean just listening.

一次普通的談話對男士和對女士來說可以是兩碼事。對男士來說，談話是弄清問題，明辨是非，找出解決問題辦法的方式。爲了達到此目的，他可能多次打斷女士，直到她"明白"他的意圖爲止。但是，女士卻寧願男士友好地聽她談話，而不要給她提意見。女性常常把談話看作是同聽者分享情感的方式．她們往住要說到自我感覺較好的地步才收住話題。男士若想在交談中與女士溝通，就需要把注意力集中在情感上，而不是在解決問題的辦法上。這常常就意味着應當做一個好的聽衆。

3. Women don't fall in love as easily as men do.

3. 女士不像男士那樣快地墜入情網。

Men tend to be romantics, often falling in love more quickly than women, who tend to focus on practical considerations in choosing a mate. Women are looking for long-term qualities in a partner. Far more than men, they allow their heads to control their hearts. Even though women may ache for love, they carry around an inner evaluator who asks, Can I count on this man? So any man who hopes to sweep a woman off her feet had better lengthen his timetable, and pay as much attention to characteristics such as kindness and dependability as he does to his hair, his clothes and his adaptability.

男士在愛情上傾向於浪漫，比女士更易墜入情網。女士的擇偶傾向則側重於許多實際的考慮。她們重視伴侶身上持久的好品質。與男士相比，她們更多的是用理智控制自己的情感。即使女士們在遭受愛情的折磨不能自拔時，她們也會在內心問自己："我能夠指望這個男人嗎？"所以，任何希望很快就能贏得女士芳心的男士最好放慢速度，延長自己的日程表，並且對善良、可靠性此類方面的人身品質給予足夠的重視，就像注重自己的髮型、穿着和適應性一樣。

4. Women are good problem-solvers.

4. 女性善於處理問題。

Men and women solve problem in different ways. A man tends to be direct—line up all his options, select one, then proceed. Women are more likely to simply let problems solve themselves-for example, by giving a child more time to adjust to a new teacher, rather than insisting on an immediate classroom change.

男士和女士以不同的方式處理問題。男士傾向於直接的方法-一擺出所有的觀點，選擇一個，然後去處理問題。女士更有可能只採取讓問題自行得以解決的方法。例如：給予孩子更長點時間去適應一位新老師，而不是堅持要求立刻換班。

5. A woman wants to be friends with her husband.

5. 女性想要的是成爲丈夫的朋友。

"Few women relish being a mother, secretary or general picker-upper for their husbands. A woman wants the man in her life to be a true equal, someone who respects her strength, treats her weaknesses with kindness, and expects her to be the same for him. In short, she wants a friend, a lover and a partner who understands her.

沒有多少女性樂於當專業媽媽，當丈夫的專業文祕，或者當個臨時湊合的女人。女士希望她生活中的男士是她真正的平等夥伴，他會尊重她的長處，用善意對待她的短處。同時，他希望她也這樣對待他。總而言之，她想要的是一位朋友，一位愛人和一位理解她的伴侶。