蘇瑞噩夢:皇室新生兒成其威脅的6個理由
My faux version of Suri Cruise has feared this week for years, having been guarding her heart against the possibility of a royal baby since long before Prince William married Kate. But what is it about this little heir-to-be that sets him or her apart from the rest of the celebrity baby pack? Here’s a deconstruction of what Suri fears most about the future Royal Highness.
我假想着蘇芮•克魯斯多年來一直擔心着本週，自很久之前威廉王子娶了凱特以來她一直守護着她不願看到皇室嬰兒可能性的內心。但關於這個小繼承人的什麼使他或她與其他的明星寶寶們不同呢？這裏有一個關於未來皇室殿下蘇瑞最害怕的事情的解構。Baby Cambridge will redefine his or her name — regardless of what it is.
Will and Kate won’t need to name their baby Blue Ivy or Zuma Nesta Rock to make him or her stand out. Even if the baby is Elizabeth or James, he or she will already be just about the most famous Elizabeth or James in the world.
劍橋寶寶將重新定義他或她的名字——不管它是什麼。威廉和凱特不需要給他們的寶貝取名Blue Ivy或Zuma Nesta Rock來使他或她脫穎而出。即使嬰兒叫伊麗莎白或詹姆斯，她（他）都將是這個世界上最著名的伊麗莎白或詹姆斯。
Obviously, this baby is a literal prince — or, even scarier for Suri, a princess.
For as enamored as American tabloid readers are with Hollywood celebrity families, there’s something about the royals that garners them a unique kind of attention. The little prince or princess is going to be a media darling the likes of which this era of celeb-obsessed journalism has never seen. Everyone is going to be overshadowed.
顯然，這個嬰兒是名副其實的王子——或者對蘇瑞來說更可怕的是，一個公主。
對癡迷於好萊塢明星家庭的美國小報讀者來說，關於皇室的一些事情能獲得他們一種獨特的關注。這位小王子或小公主將成爲媒體的寵兒，迷戀名人諸如此類的新聞這個時代從未見過。每個人都將相形見絀。
This is the first British royal baby born in the modern media.
The concept of a “celebrity baby” is a relatively new one. My theory is that the cultural obsession with baby bumps and obscure celebrity baby names and all things celebrity child came about at the same time as human interest magazines got serious about their websites — and had to fill them. They needed more celebrities, and the children of existing celebs were a natural progression, especially when Shiloh, Suri, Kingston, and Violet were all born within a five-month span. The attention about to be paid to Kate’s baby bump is going to be outrageous.
這是第一個出生在現代媒體中的英國皇家嬰兒。“名人寶貝”的概念是相對較新的。我的理論是文化着迷於嬰兒的碰撞和明星寶寶未知的名字同時以及名人孩子發生的所有事情，因爲人們的興趣雜誌開始認真對待他們的網站，不得不填滿。他們需要更多的名人，現有的名人子女遵循自然進程，尤其是當示希洛、蘇瑞、金斯敦、維奧萊特都在相隔五個月內出生。注意給凱特的嬰兒發生碰撞的新聞付錢將會是可惡的。
There’s a fifty-fifty chance this kid is going to get Kate’s hair.
On the flip side, it could also get William’s.
50%的機會這孩子將遺傳凱特的頭髮。另一方面，他也可能遺傳威廉的。
The clothes will be legendary.
Every single outfit this child wears is going to be written about, and every onesie Kate dresses her baby in will sell out lightning-fast. Suri Cruise, Harper Beckham, and the other celebrity child fashionistas are about to be out-outfitted in a big way. And Kate won’t even have to try. There was a rumor going around that Victoria Beckham never dresses Harper in the same clothes twice — but Baby Cambridge’s “fashion sense” will be international “news” no matter what.
那些衣服將成爲傳奇。這個孩子穿過的每件衣服將會被拿來寫作，每一件凱特給寶寶穿過的衣服都將很快銷售一空。蘇瑞克魯斯、哈珀貝克漢姆和其他名人的時尚達人子女外出時將盛大裝扮。凱特甚至不用去嘗試。有傳言說維多利亞•貝克漢姆永遠不會給哈珀重複穿同樣的衣服——但寶貝劍橋的 “時尚感”無論如何都將成爲國際“新聞”。
It could be twins.
Wouldn’t that be fun?
可能是雙胞胎。這難道不是很有趣嗎？
