當個伴娘居然有這麼多鬼要求 新娘制定無厘頭伴娘守則

“Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.

“歡迎加入我的伴娘團！婚禮還有6個月就要開始了，今天給大家說說伴娘的幾條基本守則吧！

1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room.

3周後我們開始稱體重哈。我感恩節後長胖了不少，估計瘦身需要時間，所以也給大家留了個緩衝期。

2. No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.

不許比新娘瘦。所以，五月份前Kelly和Lizzie你倆該多吃點了，我會讓營養師給你們打電話討論飲食計劃哦。

3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.

婚禮前，大家都必須規律作息時間。我可不想看着你們頂着黑眼圈和眼袋出現在我的婚禮上，大家都理解吧？

4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids".

關於泳衣，我給大家準備了比基尼哦，屁股上會用人造鑽石拼出“maids”（伴娘）。

5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.

希望大家在婚禮前都穿沒有肩帶的比基尼，要知道穿抹胸裙時露出內衣肩帶的曬痕很難看。

6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.

都記得帶上防曬霜啊，希望大家到時候都光彩照人，不要被曬得紅撲撲的。

7. Speeches: If you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.

如果有人計劃在婚禮上給我祝福，記得提前把祝酒詞給我審覈修改一下，記住，一定要在距離婚禮4周之前提出哦。

8. Haircuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).

髮型。如果有人想剪頭髮，一定要提前報備，經過我允許才能剪。染髮也一樣哈。

9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.

出席。我當然希望婚禮上每一個環節大家都在，不過，經過我允許的特殊情況可以除外。

10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.

還有紋身，婚禮（6月5日）之前大家都不要再紋身了。已經有紋身的我會挨個聯繫你們，商量怎麼暫時把它遮一下。

Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.

謝謝大家的關心和支持。只要大家都遵守這些小小的規定，我敢保證我們一定會度過一個難忘的婚禮。

Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,

哈哈，人家開玩笑啦，愛你們噢。

[The Bride]"

你們的新娘子”

Girls,

嗨，姑娘們，

It has been brought to my attention that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."

我發現伴娘中有人違反了第8條守則，“沒經過我允許，不能擅自剪髮染髮。”

While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridal party banishment!

我知道你們可能不小心疏忽了，所以再次提醒大家，不遵守伴娘守則的人會被驅逐出我的伴娘團哦。

I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.

那位染了頭髮的姑娘請立即主動給我打電話，在今天之內提出解決辦法。

Respectfully yours.

愛你們。

The Queen Bee

新娘

Hello my faithful bees,

親愛的伴娘們：

Chloe has colored her hair. She has repented her sins to the QB and she has been forgiven for her minor lapse in forgetting the protocol.

Chloe沒經過我允許擅自染髮，她很內疚，我原諒她了。

Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.

Chelsea提出請求，想剪頭髮，她值得表揚哦，雖然我拒絕了她的請求。

Onto to my next point. We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.

馬上我們就要開始稱體重啦，我會給大家發一個表格，希望大家填寫好，並拍下體重秤的照片一起發過來。

xoxo,

麼麼噠。

The Queen Bee

新娘

Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point.

下午好，姑娘們，我很遺憾你們當中有人再次違反了伴娘守則第8條。Chelsea向我提出剪頭髮的申請，被我拒絕後她自作主張去剪了劉海。本來我應該將她逐出伴娘隊伍，但經過考慮後，我決定將她“留職查看”。只要她在婚禮前兩週將劉海蓄長，就可以再次加入我們。她已經向我保證，在婚禮前會堅持使用馬油洗髮水，促進頭髮生長。

Additionally, if anyone does decide to break any future rules, please do not try to justify your behavior by telling me what other maids are doing in other weddings. I do not care and I am the QB.

有伴娘跟我抱怨，說別人婚禮上的伴娘可沒這麼多要求。我的婚禮我做主，纔不管她們是怎麼做的。

xoxo

麼麼。

Hello My Beautiful Bees,

美麗的伴娘們，

All of you should be receiving your dresses in the mail shortly, I know some of you already have. If you could please send me a picture of yourself in the dress, I would greatly appreciate it. I am assuming the dress is going to mandate spanx b/c the material is unforgiving, so I am curious to see how it will look.

很快大家就要收到伴娘禮服了（我知道有些人已經收到了），料子是沒彈性的，所以收到後拍一張你們穿上的樣子發給我。

I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine... Remember no pashminas, just long and slender arms!!!

希望大家從今天開始清淡飲食。另外，希望大家加強對胳膊的鍛鍊。婚禮上不能有披肩，只能有修長的胳膊哦~

xoxox

麼麼噠。

And that one bridesmaid was later asked to "wear a pashmina to cover her 'fat arms.'"

另一位胳膊比較粗的伴娘，在婚禮現場被要求穿上披肩把胳膊遮一遮……