雅思寫作上不了6分究竟是爲哪般？

很多考鴨在攻克了詞彙、語法及審題的難關後，雅思寫作的成績還是卡在5-5.5的分數段，其實，大部分的原因是“Coherence and Cohesion”這個標準掌握欠佳。

我們花費了大量時間，去記憶 consequently、admittedly 這類的關聯詞，殊不知，這種做法是完全不符合評分準則的，還會被定義爲過度使用銜接成分!

今天，我們就以劍9的一篇考官範文爲例，來看看考官是如何吧“連貫和銜接”做的出神入化的，然後，趕緊照着模仿，去寫自己的作文模板吧~

題目：Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

以下爲考官範文：

A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more lifestyle.

通過代詞 this 的使用，使得“現象”與大衆對現象的看法產生了銜接，不留痕跡的做到了評分準則中的“uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention”。

通過 “one possible”，寫出了後文還會提到的其他解決方案，從而體現了後文在分段和內容上與總觀點的對應，即評分準則中的”skillfully manages paragraphing“

Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working

conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more

通過 this 的使用，把主體段與“首段”緊密聯繫起來。通過對關鍵詞的修飾進一步論證了論點中，涉及的關鍵重心內容，體現了內容的深化，即增多“sports facilities”的第一個原因：需要讓大衆更方便做運動。

likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is

對內容進行深化，增多“sports facilities”的第二個原因：需要滿足更多人的需求，兩個原因之間並沒有生硬的使用“Firstly, Secondly”。

通過代詞”this ”的使用，使得此段觀點與題目相聯繫(即在此段會寫出“other possible ways”),並且與上一段形成並列關係。

not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

This”代替前面的措施，前後句之間因此產生緊密聯繫。

“which”代替前面所描述的“增加equipment”的直接影響，使主句和從句，直接影響和間接影響產生聯繫。

As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food

products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these

(普通連接詞“as”後接原因) (“these”代詞的使用加強主從句之間的聯繫)

contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

通過以上的分析，大家可以看出，其實考官是極少使用明顯的生硬連接詞的，通過緊扣論點的論據分類、代詞的準確應用，以及論點與分論點的內容呼應，達到“不留痕跡，分段得體”的狀態。

所以要做到“連貫與銜接”的完美展現，其實“代詞”的靈活應用，內容的彼此聯繫纔是真諦。