看美國脫口秀節目 學英語口語

"I have a plan to end the war in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Here's what we do. We bring all our soldiers home. We send in our investment bankers. They'll screw up the place in six months. Six months!" --Jay Leno
“我有一個計劃，可以結束在伊拉克和阿富汗的戰爭。我們這麼做。我們把我們所有的士兵撤回來。我們再送我們的投資銀行家去那裏。他們一定只需6個月就能把那裏搞得一塌糊塗。 只要6個月！”-傑·雷諾

"A construction worker from Queens, New York, used Bernard Madoff's prison number to play the lottery and won. The guy won $1,500. Bernard Madoff, of course, is in prison for luring money from rich people in a giant scam that promised to make them richer. But don't confuse him with the state lottery, which lures money away from poor people in a giant scam that promises to make them richer." --Jay Leno
“紐約皇后區的一名建築工人，用伯納德·麥道夫監獄號碼，買彩票中了獎。這個傢伙中了1500美元。當然，伯納德·麥道夫被關在監獄裏，是因爲他用‘保證賺錢’的巨大騙局，來吸走富人的錢。但是，請不要將他和州政府彩票所混淆。州政府彩票那是用保證賺錢的巨大騙局，來吸走窮人的錢。” ——傑·雷諾

March 25, 2009

"How many watched the President's news conference last night? He got a little testy there, you know. When he was asked why he waited three days to speak out against the AIG bonuses, President Obama said he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. So, yet another reversal of the Bush policies." --Jay Leno
“這裏有多少人觀看了昨晚總統的新聞發佈會？當他被問到‘爲什麼等了三天他才大聲疾呼表示反對AIG的獎金計劃’的時候，你知道，他昨晚有點兒不高興，奧巴馬總統說，他喜歡在說話之前知道自己要說的是什麼。所以，這又一是一項與布什的政策完全相反的奧巴馬政策。”——傑·雷諾

"No, President Obama also unveiled his new border policy to fight the Mexican drug wars. Interesting. It consists of the feds buying up to 80 percent of all the Mexican cartels. You see, we're going to get all the toxic drugs out of the system. We're going to buy them up. We will be owners of the drug cartels. I'm trying to get something with that joke and it's going nowhere." --Jay Leno
“ 不，奧巴馬總統還推出了新的邊境政策，以打擊墨西哥的毒品交易。有趣的是。新的政策是：由聯邦政府收購所有墨西哥毒品壟斷集團多達百分之八十的股份。看，我們將把所有的有毒資產——毒品從系統中清除掉。我們將把它們全部買進。我們將成爲毒品集團的所有者。我試圖從中找些笑話，可我實在找不到。” ——傑·雷諾

"Many people are complaining, though, that Obama is becoming too scripted. Last night, he was having an intimate moment with Michelle, and she said, 'Wait, are you reading the teleprompter?'" --Jimmy Fallon
“許多人都在抱怨，說奧巴馬正在變得過於照本宣科了。昨晚，他正在和老婆米歇爾親密的時候，老婆突然說，‘等等，你是不是正在用電子提詞機啊？’” -吉米·法倫

"Did you hear about this? Nickelodeon's asking all children to unplug electronic devices for one minute on Earth Day to teach the importance of respecting the environment. I think it's a great idea, unless the kids are visiting their grandmother in a nursing home. Then that one minute is pretty rough. 'SpongeBob killed Nana. What happened?'" --Jimmy Fallon
“你聽說了嗎？Nickelodeon兒童電視頻道呼籲，所有的小孩在地球日那天拔掉家裏電子設備的電源線一分鐘，以教育他們尊重環境的重要性。我認爲這是一個很好的主意，除非孩子們那天正在探訪療養院裏的祖母。那樣的話那斷電的一分鐘會是相當難受的。海棉寶寶謀殺祖母，怎麼回事啊？” ——吉米·法倫

"The market rallied yesterday after the Treasury said it was going to help banks sell off their toxic assets. That's the big problem, banks can't sell toxic assets. Well, duh. I mean, I'm no economist, but maybe you should stop calling them toxic assets. Huh? Isn't that like KFC advertising salmonella chicken?" --Jay Leno
“昨天股場反彈了，之前美國財政部表示，將幫助銀行出售其有毒資產。這是個大問題，銀行跟本不可能出售有毒資產。嗨，笨瓜。我的意思是，我可不是經濟學家，但也許應該立即停止稱呼那些爲有毒資產。對嗎？這難道不就是像肯德基做廣告說，要賣沙門氏菌雞嗎？”——傑·雷諾

"Mexico's government just offered a $2 million bounty on its top drug lords, which is different from what we do here in America. We give our biggest criminals bonuses." --Jimmy Fallon
“墨西哥政府剛剛宣佈懸賞2百萬美元捉拿墨西哥的首要毒梟，這種做法和我們在美國的做法有所不同。我們是給我們首要的罪犯發獎金。”-吉米·法倫

"Let's not forget the AIG company. The AIG stands for 'ain't I greedy?' No, they changed the name of the company today to 'AIU' Oh! Okay then. Everything's forgiven.' AIU for 'ain't I unethical?' There you are." --Craig Ferguson
“別忘了AIG公司。AIG三個字母代表‘Ain't I Greedy’我不貪心嗎？ 不，今天他們把公司的名稱改爲AIU了。啊！好吧，那麼。一切都可以原諒了。AIU是‘我不道德嗎’，你看這事。”——克雷格·弗格森

"AIG changing their name is like Hitler changing his name and hoping people won't notice." --Craig Ferguson
“AIG改名字，就像是希特勒改名字，然後指望沒人會注意到他改了名字。”——克雷格·弗格森

"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno
“前總統布什現在正在寫了一本書，是有關他任總統時必須做出的十二個最艱難的決定。他說，當時每一個決定都有三個選擇——剪刀、石頭、布。”——傑·雷諾

"In a move that will cost 300 Americans their jobs, the Federal government announced it will no longer buy American-made condoms made in Alabama. We're now going to buy cheaper condoms made in China. Does that make any sense? If Chinese condoms are so good, why are there over one billion Chinese people?" --Jay Leno
“美國政府宣佈將不再購買美國在阿拉巴馬製造的避孕套了，這一舉措將會使300名美國人失去就業機會。我們將要購買中國製造更便宜的避孕套了。這有任何意義嗎？如果中國製造的避孕套性能那麼好的話，爲什麼會有10多億的中國人哪？”——傑·雷諾

"Did you see this on '60 Minutes' last night? Michelle Obama is planting a vegetable garden on the White House lawn. You know the economy's bad when the Obamas are afraid of running out of food." --Jimmy Fallon
“昨晚你們看到‘60分鐘’電視節目中這個消息嗎？米歇爾·奧巴馬開始在白宮草坪上開闢一處小菜園子了。當奧巴馬一家擔心食物不夠的時候，你們就應該知道經濟有多糟糕了。”——吉米·法倫

March 20, 2009

"People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans." --Jay Leno
“有史以來第一次現任總統做訪深夜脫口秀節目，大家對這個事實都大驚小怪。其實我們這個脫口秀節目組以前曾試圖邀請過其他在任總統，但那時布什總統總是每晚九點就上牀了。而克林頓總統在深夜似乎總是有其他的安排。”——傑·雷諾

"You know, we own AIG, right? We own 80% of it. And because of all of the outrage over these bonuses, armed guards now have to be placed outside the AIG offices. You know what that means? Not only are we paying the AIG executive bonuses, we are now paying to protect the executives from us. Does that make any sense to anybody?" --Jay Leno
“你們知道，我們擁有AIG，對嗎？我們擁有AIG百分之八十的股份。然而由於對那些獎金引起的公憤，現在必須在AIG辦公樓外設置武裝警衛。你知道這意味着什麼嗎？我們不僅要給AIG高管們的獎金買單，我們現在還要爲保護他們免遭我們攻擊的安全費用買單。有人覺得這有任何意義嗎？”-傑·雷諾

"Today is the first day of spring. Yeah, or, as Al Gore calls it, global warming." --Jay Leno
“今天是春季的第一天。是的，或者，用前副總統戈爾的話來說，全球變暖。”-傑·雷諾

"We spilled 25,000 barrels of oil into the Strait of Hormuz, by Iraq. And a U.S. Navy server ship collided with a submarine. Who else, but us, could invade the Middle East and lose oil? It's like robbing a bank and leaving your wallet." --Bill Maher
“我們在伊拉克那邊的霍爾木茲海峽泄漏了25000桶石油。而且一艘美國海軍服務船和一艘美國潛艇相撞。除了我們還有誰，可以入侵中東而又失去石油？這就像是你去搶劫一家銀行，卻落下了你自己的錢包。”——比爾·馬赫

"There's a new bin Laden tape where he calls for the destruction of Somalia. That's right. Forget destroying America, that job is done." --Bill Maher
“有一段新的本·拉丹錄像，在錄像裏他號召摧毀索馬里。沒錯。忘掉他那個摧毀美國的號召吧，那項任務已經完成了。”——比爾·馬赫

"You saw what happened in San Diego yesterday? There were these two drug dealers the cops were chasing on the freeway, and they started to throw all the money out the window. The cops were not suspicious -- they thought it was Obama's motorcade." --Bill Maher
“昨天你目睹了聖地亞哥發生的事情嗎？在高速公路上，有這兩名毒販遭到了警方的追逐，然後他們向車窗外撒出所有的錢。正在追逐的警察對此(錢從車子撒出來的行徑)並沒有起疑——他們認爲他們追隨的正是奧巴馬的車隊。”——比爾·馬赫

"The president was in town this week. He spoke at the L.A. County fairgrounds. I tell you, he's still got it. People were sleeping outside all night. They were homeless, but that's not the point. They love him." --Bill Maher
“總統本週正在本市。他在洛杉磯縣露天市場發表演講。我告訴你，他還是很受歡迎的。人們露宿街頭。他們無家可歸，但這不重要。重要的是—他們熱愛他。”——比爾·馬赫