不要不服,細數找不到伴侶的5個理由

Let's face it, the majority of people who are single are not single because they honestly and truly choose to be that way. Yes, there are people out there who are single and love it and wouldn't change it for the world but these people are in the minority.
讓我們面對現實吧：大部分單身的人之所以還單着，並不是因爲他們發自內心地願意選擇這種生活方式。當然的確有些單身的人喜歡這樣，而且不想做出改變。但這些人畢竟是少數。

So, if most people who are still single would rather be in a relationship (of some kind), why are there so many single people out there?
那麼，如果大多數單身的人或多或少是想開始一段感情的，爲什麼還有那麼多單身的人呢？

I happen to be single myself and believe that there are some pretty good reasons to explain why single people like myself seem to stay single。
我自己剛好也是單身，我相信有一些原因可以很好地解釋爲什麼像我這樣的單身人士依然孤家寡人。

If you're one of the single people, keep on reading to see if one of these “top 5 reasons why you're alone” can explain why you're still single。
如果你也是單身，接着往下讀，看看“五大單身理由” 裏有沒有哪一條符合你的情況。
1. You were in a long-term relationship:
你曾經有一段長期的戀情

Being in a long-term relationship is much different than dating. If your long-term relationship ends, there is a lot more to deal with than if you'd only been dating for a few months. Take a 10-year relationship that's ended, for example: there's 10 years of good memories, bad memories, lost commitments, joy, hurt – you name it – to try to deal with.
長期的戀情和短暫的約會大不相同。如果你結束了一段長期的戀情，你需要解決的問題比約會了幾個月的人多得多。比如說一段10年的戀情結束了，留下了10年的美好回憶、糟糕回憶、未兌現的承諾、各種喜悅和痛苦，凡是你能數出來的都需要去應對。

Assumedly, if you were in a 10-year relationship, the person you were with knew you well – your likes, dislikes, your quirks, your friends, family, hopes, dreams, etc. You probably knew each other so well that it was like you had your own secret language. Even if the relationship ended badly, that's a lot to try to replace!
通常情況下，如果你們曾經在一起10年，那個人會非常瞭解你：你的好惡、你的怪癖、你的朋友、你的家人、你的希望、你的夢想等等。你們大概非常瞭解對方，就好像他/她是你專屬的祕密語言一樣。即便這段戀情以糟糕的方式結束了，想要找人取代他/她的位置依然不容易。

It's no wonder that single people with long-term relationships in their past seem to stay single. Whether it makes sense to them or not, they just can't seem to find someone who can replace what they once had whether what they had was good or not. The key here is that they will never be able to find a direct replacement but they can find someone new who is equally if not more worthwhile and hopefully a better match. It takes time, openness and commitment to build another long-term relationship from scratch and it can be scary and overwhelming。
所以那些過去有過長期戀情的人保持單身就不足爲奇了。不管有沒有道理，他們似乎就是找不到人來替代曾經那個人的位置，不管那個人究竟是不是那麼好。關鍵在於他們永遠不可能找到一個直接的替代者，但是他們可以找到一個新的人，即便不比原來那個人更值得，但至少也是個不錯的另一半。結束一段傷痛、再次建立一段 長期的感情需要時間、坦然和承諾。最初可能會讓人提心吊膽、喘不過氣。
2. You're shy and/or not very outgoing:
你比較害羞，或者不夠外向

Whether we like it or not, people who are outgoing tend to get noticed and that includes getting noticed by the opposite sex. Where does that leave shy single people? We're just not that likely to get noticed if we don't make eye contact with others and make a point of trying to get to know them. It's a sad fact, but true。
不管我們是否認同，外向活潑的人更容易引人注意，包括吸引異性的注意。那些害羞的單身人士可難辦了。如果我們不和別人進行眼神的交流，也不表現出我們渴望瞭解他們，我們就不太可能引起他人的注意。聽起來挺叫人難過，不過這是事實。

Being shy is at least 50% genetic so there's only so much we can do to overcome this. The good news is that there are lots of shy single people out there — admittedly, the hard part is hooking up, but it happens, so don't despair。
害羞至少有一半原因來自遺傳，所以我們仍然可以去克服它。好消息是還有很多害羞的單身人士。不過不得不承認，難點在於你們如何跟他們搭上腔，但成功的例子也確實會發生，所以別絕望。
3. You live in a small town or village
你住在小鎮或者小村子裏

Let's just play the numbers game here. Imagine you live in a small town of 3000 people and you're a woman. You're looking for a man, so you're down to 1500 to choose from except that 75% of them are taken so that leaves you with 375. Out of those 375, let's say 15% of them fall within an appropriate age range of you which brings you down to about 57. Out of those 57, you're sure not going to be compatible with all of them; there may be a few you're compatible with but how are you going to find them?
我們來玩個數字遊戲。假設你是女性，住在一個只有3000人的小鎮裏。你在尋找一個男人，那麼你的選擇範圍就降到了1500人，其中可能有75%的人已經有所屬，那麼留給你的還有375人。這375人中大概有15%的人符合你的年齡範圍，所以還剩57人。而這57人當然不是每個都適合你；其中也許有一些和你般配的，但是你要怎樣找到他們呢？

Just because you live in the same town doesn't mean that you're going to bump into each other on the sidewalk or at the grocery store. Of course, these are completely made up statistics but are generally what you're dealing with in small towns. If you want more dating options, you'll have to move to the big city。
你們住在一個鎮上不代表你們會在路邊或者雜貨店裏偶遇。當然，這些只是假設的數據，但通常來講你在小鎮上的情況就是這樣。如果你想要更多的約會機會，恐怕得搬去大城市。
4. You've been single a long time and are set in your ways
你單身太久，已經習慣了自己的生活方式

The longer you live as a single person, the more independent and self-sufficient you're forced to become. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, if taken to the extreme, it can hinder your efforts to find a mate. If you're used to doing everything yourself and for yourself only, it may be very difficult to let someone else into your life even though you may crave that closeness.
你單身的時間越久，你就迫使自己變得越獨立、越靠自己。這並不是壞事，但如果走向極端，會阻礙你找到另一半。如果你習慣了凡事親力親爲，而且只爲自己而做，也許就很難讓另一個人走進你的生活，哪怕你也許渴望這種親密。

Unfortunately, this becomes more and more true as we get older. I'm pretty set in my ways myself and all I can hope for is that if the right one does come along, that I will let him break through my wall of independence that I have created。
不幸的是，隨着我們漸漸長大，事情就越是如此。我已經非常習慣按自己的方式生活，我唯一能期望的是，如果那個對的人真的出現了，我會允許他打破我已經建立起來的這座獨立的牆。

5. You're just too picky
你太挑剔了

Yes, we all want to have a Brad Pitt or Megan Fox type hanging off our arms but it's just not going to happen. Even if we don't want that, we have a list in our minds of traits that our future soulmate must possess and sometimes that list can be rather long, perhaps too long。
是的，我們都想要一個布拉德·皮特這樣的帥哥或是梅根·福克斯那樣的性感美女挽着我們的胳膊，但這太不現實了。哪怕我們期望沒這麼高，我們心裏都列出了未來的靈魂伴侶必須符合的條件，有時這些條件還不少，也許太多了。

While nobody wants to “settle”, you might want to ask yourself if everything on your list is really that important. Does it matter that much how tall the person is? How much money they make? What color hair they have? It might be worth relaxing some of your standards and seeing what kind of results you get. Remember, nobody is perfect。
沒有人想被他人的條件“框定”，你也許應該問問自己，這些條件真的都這麼重要嗎？這個人的身高很重要嗎？他賺多少錢很重要嗎？他/她的頭髮是什麼顏色很重要嗎？你也許應該把自己的標準放寬一些，然後來看看結果如何。記住：完美的人不存在。