初二爆笑英語笑話摘抄
笑話和幽默的感染力,很大程度上依賴於修辭格的運用。下面小編整理了初二英語笑話，希望大家喜歡!
紀律(中英)
US and Russia arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smArtly uniformed. The leaders shook hands.
美國軍隊和俄羅斯軍隊舉行了一次比武，看看誰軍隊的士兵最勇敢。兩國的首腦在約定的時間來到了芬蘭臨海的一個高地上。他們分別帶來自己最優秀的軍隊，穿着漂亮的軍裝。兩國領導人握手後美國先開始。
US went first. The leader addressed his battalion of Marines:
美國領導人向海軍陸戰隊說:
"Private Jones! Front and center.”
“大兵瓊斯，出列。”
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
瓊斯走到前面向指揮官乾淨利落地敬了個禮。
"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff.”
“大兵瓊斯，走到懸崖邊上去。”
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
瓊斯敬了個禮後走到了懸崖的邊上。
"Private Jones! Jump!”
“大兵瓊斯，跳!”
Jones just stood there, unmoving.
瓊斯站在那裏一動沒動。
"Private Jones! I said jump!”
“大兵瓊斯，我說跳。”
The man’s knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.
他站在那裏開始發抖，但還是沒有動。
"Private Jones! This is your Commander一in一Chief. I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!”
“大兵瓊斯，我作爲最高指揮官現在命令你跳下去。”
Private Jones wailed out: "I can’t! I have a wife-and a family!”
瓊斯悲痛的說:“我不能跳，我還有妻子和家庭。”
Jones was sent away for court martial. The US leader backed off in disgrace. It was now Russian's turn.
瓊斯因此被帶走去了軍事法庭。美國領導人很丟人的回去了。下面該輪到俄羅斯了。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center.
“德米特雷維奇同志，出列。”
Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
德米特雷維奇走到前面向指揮官乾淨利落地敬了個禮。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff.”
“德米特雷維奇同志，走到懸崖邊上去。”
Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
他敬了個禮後走到了懸崖的邊上。
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!”
“德米特雷維奇同志，跳!”
Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff.
他跳下了懸崖。
By some miracle, he was snagged on a branch and he landed on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff. Dmitrivich was badly injured, but still alive and conscions. He was carried away on a stretcher. As Dmitrivich was carried passed Private Jones, Jones could not resist asking him: "Dmitrivich! How could you do it? How could you jump?"
奇蹟發生了，他被一個樹枝掛了一下，然後掉在了離懸崖五十英尺的峭壁上。他傷勢嚴重但還活着，而且神志清醒。他被擔架擡了上來。當他的擔架經過大兵瓊斯的時候，瓊斯忍不住問他:“德米特雷維奇，你怎麼能那麼做?你怎麼能往下跳呢?”
Dmitrivich answered: "I had to! I have a wife-and a family!”
德米特雷維奇說:“我不得不跳，因爲我還有妻子和家庭。”
初二英語笑話鑑賞關於降落傘(中英)
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.
你是一架失控飛機上兩名乘客中的一名，現在只有一個降落傘。
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
悲觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因爲即使你跳下去也會死。
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps just like this before.
樂觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因爲曾經有人不用降落傘跳下去也能活。
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
慢性子:你玩一盤強手棋來決定是否拿降落傘。
Lawyer: you charge the airline for one parachute.
律師:因爲只有一個降落傘，你要控訴航空公司。
Doctor: you need to run more tests，and then take the parachute.
醫生:在你拿降落傘以前你要仔細的檢查多遍。
Sales executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of the other guy’s friends and relatives who might like one too.
銷售代表:你以最高的零售價把降落傘賣給另一個人，然後要來他的親戚朋友的名字，問他們是否也想要一個。
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with the other guy’s luggage and wallet.
國內稅收員:你把降落傘連同另一個人的行李和錢包一起沒收。
Advertiser: you sing that what he need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39. 99.
廣告商:你唱出他們需要的是一個尼龍降落傘和一個電腦高度計，只賣三十九點九九美元。
Engineer; you make him another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
工程師:你用走廊的窗簾和牙線爲另一個人再做一個降落傘。
Scientist: you give him the parachute and ask him to send you a report on how well it worked.
科學家:你把降落傘給另一個人，然後叫他們寄給你一份降落傘怎樣工作的報告。
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
數學家:如果不能證明降落傘在任何情況下都能正常使用你拒絕使用降落傘。
Philosopher: you ask how he knows the parachute actually exists.
哲學家:你問另一個人降落傘他怎麼知道降落傘確實存在。
English Teacher; you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
英語老師:你會在降落傘的說明書裏找出哪裏是明喻哪裏是暗喻。
Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.
比較文學學者:你會通讀降落傘說明上的四種語言。
Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
電腦專家:你會設計一個能和人一樣操縱降落傘的機器。
Psychoanalyst: you ask him what the shape of a parachute reminds him of.
心理醫生:你會問另一個人降落傘的形狀會讓他想起什麼。
Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
藝術家:你會把降落傘掛在牆上，然後在上面簽上名字。
Libertarian: after reminding him of his constitutional right to have a parachute，you take it and jump out.
自由論者:你會提醒另一個人他擁有憲法賦予的拿降落傘的權利，然後你拿起來跳出去。
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.
外科醫生:你會提出跳傘運動有害健康的警告。
National Rifle Association: you shoot him and take the parachute.
國家槍械協會會員:你開槍打死另一個人然後拿走降落傘。
Police Bigot: you beat him unconscious with the parachute.
頑固的警察:你會用降落傘打得另一個人不省人事。
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.
環保主義者:除非能證明降落傘是生物可分解的，否則你拒絕使用降落傘。
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
體育迷:你開始打賭飛機多長時間會墜毀。
初二英語笑話賞析生日玫瑰(中英)
A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him: "It is my birthday tomorrow.”
一個年輕的男子愛上了一位美麗的姑娘。一天她對他說:“明天就是我的生日了。”
"Oh,” said the young man, "I'll send you roses，one rose for each year of your life.”
“噢，我要送給你玫瑰，每一朵玫瑰都象徵着你生命中所渡過的每一年。”年輕的男子說。
The same evening he went to a florist's. As he knew that the girl was twenty一two years old , he paid for twenty一two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day.
那天晚上他就去拜訪了種花人。他知道那個姑娘22歲了，於是他買下了22朵玫瑰並請求種花人第二天把玫瑰給那位姑娘送去。
When the young man left the shop, the florist thought: "This young man is a very good customer. I think that my price was too high. I' 11 send ten more roses.”
年輕的男子離開了花店，種花人心裏想:“這位年青人真是個心地善良的好人。我給他的價格太高了。我要多給他一些花。”
He did so. The next morning thirty-two roses were sent to the girl.
他確實是那樣做的。二天清晨，種花人把犯朵玫瑰一起送給了那位女孩。
When the young man came to see her, she didn't speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.
當這位年輕的男子興沖沖地來看望她的時候，她對他置之不理。當然，他是永遠也不會知道爲什麼她收到玫瑰反而會生氣了。
